I am Sam. @lightningstarborne - Tumblr Blog

-> listening to a jaunty country style song -> hear the lyrics wrong -> pause. frown. go back a few seconds to relisten -> hears the same fucked up lyrics -> check the actual lyrics to see what it ACTUALLY says

-> oh!

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not-your-average-url

I miss when ads were a single click and then they’re gone. Now every ad has a minimum of three phases where you watch a video, exit the still frame of fake gameplay, and then exit the app download. That doesn’t even touch on the ones that forcibly take you to another app after opening a tab in safari without you ever touching the screen.

I hate advertising. I hate that you can’t do anything without companies jumping down your throat with mostly bullshit ads. I hate that billboards exist. I hate that every company unanimously decided to make their ads longer and longer. I hate that ad blockers try to charge you money and there are in app purchases to remove ads. I hate that my attention has become commodified. I hate that there’s nothing I can do about it.

kosmogrl

oooh I get it it’s always gonna be because of the environment I grew up in

aceofpans

it’s because of the curse

foldingfittedsheets

My mom has always leaned pretty left. Growing up I was always aware we were the household that voted for the blue donkey party. This seemed unfair as elephants were pretty great. My parents voted dutifully in each election.

But aside from that my mother loathes political signs. You know the ones. They go up on road medians and stick around for months after the election ends because no one bothers to pick them up.

So one day in my childhood long ago I was sitting in the front seat, just kid baggage getting hauled around on errands by my mom. After a while my mom realized the car in front of us was placing those hated signs.

My mom had a couple trains of thought. The first was that we were in the family truck. The second was we had no pressing business. And the third was that we needed to insulate the chicken coop.

Suddenly mom announced we were having an adventure. We were punishing the big bad littering machine by taking their signs. I was utterly delighted by this. We began to follow the election campaign car, pausing after they did. I’d leap out, snatch the sign and toss it into the bed of the truck as fast as I could before flinging myself back into my seat.

It took a long time for the sign car to realize what was happening. They got out to yell at my mom who stoically informed them that the signs were being left on public property and as such counted as litter. The person huffed at her and drove away. Mom followed along hopefully but they were done placing signs.

After that we made a game of snagging signs when we saw them, amassing quite a collection.

That fall the coop was adorned with the plentiful campaign slogans of people vying for public office. But while our poor chickens may have slept under the weight of empty promises and propaganda, each one followed by the watchful eyes of countless politicians, at least they slept warm.

tlirsgender

Being sensitive to changes in barometric pressure is crazy what do you mean my problem is that the wind changed direction. What do you mean it's the fuckin clouds

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testosteronetwunk

update

whydoidothistomyselfandothers

more updates

totalmemoryfailgirl

>No, I told him I wanted it, and he let me have it

JUST KISS ALREADY.

liminalbeauty

I’m rooting for this story. I hope we get more updates.

asteroidtroglodyte

Quick shout out to the Down syndrome kid from my after-school program back when I was in grade school. Like yea he had the usual issues but he was a sweetheart and quite funny; and one day both his parents showed up at the same time to pick him up and I had the experience of meeting a family of genetically disabled people that had jobs and a home and a kid in school and it was a profoundly normalizing experience for me like I couldn’t take eugenicists seriously after that because like “no they totally can have whole entire meaningful lives with marriage and children and work and hobbies have you not met Dennis??” Anyway quick shout out to Dennis you were a real one

flipchild

powerburial

picking the torture option and the next day the first thing he does right off the bat is make me eat a really big live spider

selfship-quotes

I love soulmates but also this-

qilingxiong

luckyladylily

So the thing is boobs really do be jiggling. If having breasts has taught me anything it is that the ladies frolic. I don't even have that large of boobs but every time I go down some stairs all I can think about is that stupid quote about boobing breastily down the stairs or whatever it is because God Damn.

But anime and video game boob jiggling is like. The most uncanny valley shit I've ever seen nine times out of ten. You would think people this horny about tits would have actually looked at some but I guess not.

What we really need is some pervert to compile the ultimate visual guide to boob bouncing physics that's just like 500 hours of meticulously organized videos of breasts of different size and shape and under different fabrics bouncing around from a wide variety of physical movements so horny game devs can finally get it right and I don't have to be creeped out by women who appear to have surgically implanted softballs in their chest under skin made of rubber bands.

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angelicguy

my toddler is 3 years old and wont eat anything other than fine porterhouse steaks and sweet port wine

milk5-deactivated20260704

you need to discipline your child. port is a horrible choice for the main course and wildly clashes with a rich béarnaise.

angelicguy

dude hes three….

bumblr-dotcom

And uncultured. Get a new child

origamityler-deactivated2016101

The best reddit thread I’ve ever seen was when someone asked if the gang from Always Sunny in Philadelphia could kill Darth Maul and almost all of the responses were over 4 paragraphs long

experimental-sponge

Best quote from that thread: “To give the gang a slight advantage, We’ll assume that Darth Maul has not seen any of the films in the Home Alone franchise.”

puncertainty

a leap of faith !

uninterestedemby

They make me physically ill

contemptible-scoundrel

free use? *smirks snartly* so naive. you know nothing in this damned society is really free...

angel-advise

can't look up what snartly means because i don't have a dictionary account

anythings-a-sweet-if-you-eat-it

boring take from real 21st century idiots: bdsm is bad because it's basically torture

interesting take from a fictional 14th century monk: torture is bad because it's basically sex

ohholydyke

Shoutout to the nun who had other nuns tie her up and pour hot wax on her as she confessed her sins

amorphousgenderlesscryptid

I'm sure that's true, but something tells me googling "nun tied up by other nuns" "hot wax" "confessing sins" will likely get what you might call rather un-academic results

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bogleech

fightingbymoonlight

Seeing people I know and like using AI is making me understand the protagonists of those old time sci fi dystopia's.

"Oh I don't normally use AI, I just wanted it to plan my trip"

You lived on this planet for decades, you know what you like, there are hundreds of websites where you can type into any search engine " things to do in [area]" and have at least a hundred different options.

"Oh I only use it so I can figure out what to make during the week with what I have"

The most popular website as you type in "recipes" into google have sections where you click dinner- quick and easy and those usually rely on staples + 1 or 2 items. I found 30 recipes on chicken alone.

"I had a writing idea, so I typed a few sentences into Chat GPT and I was able to write 20 pages with it."

Youdidn'twriteit.Youdidn'twriteit.youdidn'twriteit.youdidn'twriteit.YOUDIDN'TWRITEIT.YOUDIDN'TWRITEIT.YOUDIDN'TWRITEIT.

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I am Sam.