if we don't even do anything, they won't have any evidence to lead back to us...! it's the perfect crime...!

i really hate the way the "boobs vs butt" thing got broken down into this implicit idea that butt is the nobler stance. it's really stupid. personally im a woman guy. [realizes how that sounds] [purses my lips in thought] [nods confidently] im a woman guy

please dont vape your blueberry ice flavor around my kid. we are raising him on marlboro reds exclusively.

Yahhh I have to build Rome. Yup it’s due tomorrow.. noo I haven’t started yet haha is that bad?

Guy who says “I’m contributing to traffic” instead of “I’m stuck in traffic”.

Dead wife but it's a flashback to an amazing sandwich you had 3 years ago

i bet it feels good as fuck to intend to do something and then actually do it

Adopted a second evil advisor and I'm letting them sniff each other under the throne room doors before I introduce them