I require illusory carrots 🥕

i think people are starting to forget what the LA in LARP means

*nodding sagely* Los Angeles Role Play

okay gang lets find that son of a bitch markiplier

Children would be so jealous if they knew how many stickers we have in dive bar bathrooms

This post is like a fucking rosetta stone I've had the same theme song tagged in at least 6 languages so far

Man, this wizard city is neutral. I just saw a guy clap his hands together and say "hear me clap" or some similar shit, and everyone around him heard him clap. No one around him even cared that's how neutral it was. My ass is casting mildly interesting spells and level 2 ambivalence. I think I just heard "power word:nothing" two groups over. I don't feel any way in particular about leaving or staying.

welcome to my new app, UberFeats. i will send heroes to your house to commit great Feats of strength and cunning

Will they do my dishes?

they will Slay your dishes

What about the laundry?

they will Slay your laundry

what about the minotaur harassing my cows

they will Have Sex with the minotaur

Vampire girl explaining that vampires don’t necessarily have to kill someone to drink their blood, but she did kind of kill a lot of people back when she was all depressed pre-transition: “when I was an egg I ate four dozen lads”

Always bear in mind that there is absolutely no legitimate evidence that Luigi was actually the one who killed the insurance company guy.

Of course he wasn't. He was at a party with me that day.

girl it’s just a 3 day trip, you do not need to bring your terracotta warriors 🙄

cat login sound

haha just like chicken

haha just like cat

laptop overheating?? pour water on it to cool it down!

i trusted you

Do not trust people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people

THE ORIGINAL?!?!?!?!?!

my best tip for anyone trying to get back into reading is to remember that you can read books to avoid other responsibilities in ur life and it can become a vice if you play your cards right

There's something so deeply calming about watching megafauna prance and gambol about like they're little lambs

Bison pronking is already so magical, and then the double rainbow and the happy birdsong just put it way over the top

If y'all are ever up western Montana, I highly recommend visiting the CSKT Bison Range. It's 18K acres managed by the Confederated Salish and Kootenai tribes. In the summer, there's a 19 mile loop you can drive (little less than half that in the winter), and I've seen bison, pronghorns, bears, deer, foxes, and bald eagles there. It's one of my favorite places in the world!