Hipster Doctor (walked 500 miles before you)

this is how they make lacroix

oh my goodness, one of dian fossey’s first close up observations with gorillas happened when she was trying to climb a tree to see them better, but so badly that by the time she’d gotten up the entire group had come out of hiding to look at her: “Nearly all members of the group had totally exposed themselves, forgetting about hiding coyly behind foliage screens because it was obvious to them that the observer had been distracted by tree-climbing problems, an activity they could understand.”

hello, fellow apes

[Image transcript: porch. The group had been day-nesting and sunbathing when I contacted them, but upon my approach they nervously retreated to obscure themselves behind thick foliage. Frustrated but determined to see them better, I decided to climb a tree, not one of my better talents. The tree was particularly slithery and, try as I might, no amount of puffing, pulling, gripping, or clawing succeeded in getting me more than a few feet aboveground. Disgustedly, I was about to give up when Sanwekwe came to my aid by giving one mighty boost to my protruding rump; tears were running from his eyes as he was convulsed in silent laughter. I felt as inept as a baby taking its first step. Finally able to grab on to a conveniently placed branch, I hauled myself up into a respectful semislouch position in the tree about twenty feet from the ground. By this time I naturally assumed that the combined noises of panting, cursing, and branch-breaking made during the initial climbing attempts must have frightened the group on to the next mountain. I was amazed to look around and find that the entire group had returned and were sitting like front row spectators at a sideshow. All that was needed to make the image complete were a few gorilla-sized bags of popcorn and some cotton candy! This was the first live audience I had ever had in my life and certainly the least expected.]

imagine some freakish not-a-human alien THING has shown up out of nowhere and is trying to get into your office building to study you. but it has no idea how to get past a revolving door. it tries for three hours. by the time it finally understands the concept of a revolving door and squeeze into the building everyone in the office is crowded into the lobby to watch and call helpful suggestions. it’s conclusively determined that the alien is definitely not a threat, except maybe to itself.

can we'a skip the impeachment and just shoot him in the head

AND NOT MISS

you really do turn thirty and everything is different and sometimes better. if you're in line for thirty stay in line bro

This gets even more insane when you remember that according to the latest data about 9% of the US identifies as LGBT+ (source) but Jews make up less than 3% of the US population (source). A population one third the size of the next-highest entry on the list but almost 3x the volume of hate crimes.

Dude, people from Portland are so weird. You'll meet a guy and he'll say his name is "Gnar Slabdash," and then, with a straight face, tell you "the 'N' is mostly silent." I hate it there.

I thought it was all different people and not one person on a streak. Op are you okay??

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

The Jewish people's greatest sin is humiliating our enemies every time they try to annihilate us and they don't succeed. For the antisemite, there is no greater injustice than being unable to kill a Jew.

women were not banging out spirk fanfiction in the 60s for you to be AI generating your fic

The entirety of the Apollo 11 mission took up less computer storage and computation space than a single instance of Microsoft Outlook running in the background.

this is among the worst possible PR for microsoft. outlook is so shit that it fucked with the billion dollar space computer