yeehaw *pow pow*

woke deadbeat father: i'm just going to get some oat milk

I understand how the stock market works but it is fucking stupid and people who are really into the stock market will try to explain it to you like it is not fucking stupid. Like, no, yeah, I do grasp the concept. It’s just a terrible concept and people kill themselves over it.

ppl who celebrate fictional character birthdays are annoying pass it on

FUCK this post and happy birthday sonic

Ten Years Of Ppl Who Celebrate Fictional Character Birthdays Are Annoying Pass It On

(with the intention of ordering grapes from the lemonade stand) hey

it's hard being a polyamorous action hero because whenever i have flashbacks to all my dead wives it takes like 20 minutes to get through all of it

it kind of sounds like youre just feeding local women to the deadwife montage

literally there’s so much joy to be found in being earnest. so much happiness in being sincere. anyone who tells you otherwise is just trying to get company for their misery.

when you see your little kitty walking toward you at a leisurely pace and say "hi baby!" bc you're excited to see her and she starts trotting a little bit faster 'cause she's excited to see you too. that's what life is all about i think

this lettuce smells like dog

you bought dog lettuce