Rhiannon

my granddad just called me to tell me how big his cauliflowers are growing and it was so cute theyre “TWICE as big as the ones you get in the shop”

i told my granddad this post has 3,500 notes and he said ‘who are they? do i know them?’ he wanted me to list everyone and see if he knew anyone

If you don’t reblog cauliflower granddad, then you’re just a mean person.

Do it, Nate. DO IT!

OH MAN I should do this too

I still stand by this as one of my favorite political jokes.

white dude in this horror movie : *translates old arabic text* *somehow it rhymes perfectly in english* 

Now I really wanna see a horrible faltering translation from one of these movies, like “Whomsoever enters this room, they shall… well, this word is like… literally it means ‘unbecome,’ but it was used as a euphemism for death, pooping, and—wait, when was this carved?  was it 15th century? Cuz it was a euphemism for sex too in the 15th century.  This is either a cursed crypt, a bathroom, or a royal bedroom. Who wants to roll the dice?”

“You guys, I’ve gotta be honest, okay? This thing’s written in some kind of weird localized dialect, and I’ve only ever studied the standard form of the language. I mean, this part right here…I can’t even tell if it’s some kind of error, or an obscure slang phrase…whatever it is, I have no idea what the fuck it means.”

‘this is written in ancient sumerian. it’s about… uh… well that word is… uh. okay this is either a poem about farming, or straight-up a nasty sex guide. it might be both. i want a shower.’

“okay see the thing is in one dialect this word is the name of a terrifying Demon but in a completely different language from the same area that has the same writing system and gave a lot of loan words to the first, it means ‘horse’ - and the context is really not helping”

“You know what?  This thing is bound in human skin and the walls are bleeding let’s just leave.”

Chills

This poem fits her SO well

*Changes the n-word to “nuggets” when singing along to Nicki Minaj because I’m white and it’s not my word to use under any circumstances ever*

I support this

he said damn Nicki it’s tight I say yeah nugget you right

This is the funniest thing SNL has done in a while. Whoever did Matthew’s cat eye deserves a trophy

[Jurassic Park theme plays]

Even student shows can be great!

when u highkey want someone but u tryna be lowkey