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ashes to ashes, dust to dust, reeses to pieces

The Arizona tea snitch hotline may be the first one to actually show good results.

movie called technically blonde where she goes to trade school instead

which toe is the star of the foot? if you think it's the big toe, you're a showboating creep. if you think it's the pinky you're a grovelling pest. and if you think it's any of the three middle ones you're a paper-thin contrarian. no substance, no intellect. you're disgusting

spiders have got to figure out contracting I need to be able to call my local spiders union and be like "hey can you send a guy out for a few days the fruit flies are back" and then pay it in spider currency. I'll learn the conversion rates. I'll be generous with my rounding. please.

"objectively physically attractive but in possession of negative rizz" is one of my favorite character concepts. i think it's so great when there's an absurdly hot person who's just a complete fucking loser. the mood is unsalvageable the moment they open their mouth kind of deal. you get no bitches because you're so sucks.

You know what? I needed to read this today

Its so funny when people are like "Oh no youre getting older!😰".. like...yea..that's how aging works

Jesus christ

this notion that if you're an adult still on tumblr it's bc something is wrong doesn't sit right with me... unfortunately I can't refute it bc there is something wrong with me

Years ago my sister told me abt how she used to play online survival games like Rust or something etc. w her friends and she'd go in VC this over-the-top 'girly' voice like "ummm hey I don't play videogames much and I reeeaaallly don't know what's going on teehee, can anyone pleaaase come help me I'm so confused" and then when some guy showed up all of her friends would swarm and kill

northern hemisphere babes we made it to the longest night of the year. we made it. for the next 6 months, every day will give us a little more daylight than the last. let's go. take my hand. climb out of the darkness with me

southern hemisphere babes, they're stealing our fucking daylight!