Teach Me Dad(dy).

Dan and Phil found themselves in a place that they had not been in in over a decade. After all of these years, the pair decided to take a break and focus on their own needs. They didn’t accept every offer given to them. They didn’t feel the need to make themselves accessible to their fans on an almost daily basis. They took time to sleep. To dream. To think. To grow….and to relax.

This shift in their life lead to a shift in their intimate interactions. Of course they still engaged in light play with one another. Dan was still Phil’s baby, and Phil was still Dan’s Daddy. The biggest thing that changed there was the intensity of it. It went from being something desperate and all encompassing to being a part of their daily life and very calm. Their days were filled with cuddles and affection and love and appreciation being expressed in every way possible. Even when Dan was depressed, he knew that he had access to kisses and attention and alone time while being held and watching his favorite movies in his favorite little outfits and accessories. They had achieved the initial goal. They had created a safe place in their home. A place where they could be as vulnerable as they needed to be and a space where they could comfort one another without judgement.

They had done it…and it was perfect…

So why the F U C K was Phil’s brain doing the thing that it was doing?

Phil was as sweet of a caregiver as he had been after his first time with Dan. He would warm him up as well as he could (given Dan’s patience) and then he would provide him with anything that Dan asked for so that he could enjoy his time and attain the release that he craved and deserved. Phil did whatever he liked, whenever he liked and he LOVED that he could be that for his lover. He loved listening to Dan’s beautiful moans and the gentle way his body would shake when he was close to his climax. Phil truly would not change his bond with Dan for anything in the world…

However, this new Phil had gotten into his brain, and he was not as romantically inclined.

Phil didn’t know if this was a result of a mid-life crisis, or if this was created from all of the stress and displeasure that he had repressed in his actual life. Either way, the “new” Phil in his brain was NOT the Phil cuddling with Dan on this Sunday morning. The “normal” Phil wanted nothing more than to appreciate the features of the brunette boy while he was sleeping. To look at the beautiful eyelashes and the peace on his face as he navigates his dreams and fights off his own awakening. Phil could watch for hours, just watching Dan gently inhale and exhale like the delicate form of a being he is.

THIS Phil did not share the same sentiment…

THIS Phil was rude. He was gross, and crass, and rude and his fantasies would be things that you would have to dig for in the more buried sections of porn sites. This “new” Phil looked at the same angelic frame and thought of only the ways that he wanted to taint it and be tainted in return. THIS Phil wanted to take their safe place and turn it into a dirty little secret. He wanted these walls to contain every moan, every curse, every level of subspace that Dan could experience. He didn’t care about being romantic and intimate because he felt that Dan should already KNOW that he loved him. Phil was finding himself having more depraved urges. Things that he had never even considered before. He wanted to do things with Dan that would MANDATE a safe word. He wanted to do things to Dan that would make most people uncomfortable or nervous. He wanted to hear Dan say “No” and “Stop it” and “Get off” but in a way that indicated he would be allowed to stay. He’d be allowed to continue holding Dan down and touching him, even as he heard his lover ask over and over again for him to let him go or to slow down. Phil WANTED to hold Dan down after making him orgasm and then continue to dive into him deeply.

Depending on the night, he wanted to make Dan his slave. No longer just his baby boy, he wanted to make Dan in to so many other things. He wanted a puppy that he could train and punish and praise and degrade…and that was the nicest thing that this new Phil could think of. When the itch was stronger and the voice louder, he wanted a sex doll. He wanted a brain dead fuck toy that he could simply ruin with reckless abandon. He wanted a toilet; a piss pig; a sissy boy that he could humiliate and then have him return the favor. This “new” Phil didn’t only want it one sided, either. Without warning, vivid images of Phil fucking Dan’s gassy hole would flood his mind and make him break out into a cold sweat. The idea of having Dan sit on his face after a long day of sweating and using the bathroom made his face burn with blush. A new desire to lick Dan’s sweaty, semen covered ball sack made Phil’s lower abdomen tighten at the absolute worst of times. Even now, looking at the brown haired boy was unsettling. This “new” Phil wanted to wake him up by violating him. Wanted him to piss in his mouth. Wanted to push two fingers into his tight ring and hit his prostate far too soon.

Phil clicked his tongue in annoyance at himself and moved a little further away on the couch. Why was this happening? Why were all of these thoughts in his head? Where were they coming from? How could he make them go away? He didn’t want these things to seem attractive to him. He wanted them to be disgusting, because they WERE.

Dan groaned a little and furrowed his brow, which made Phil jump and look on with apprehension. All of these thoughts were making him nervous, and he didn’t want that. He loved being around Dan, and he loved what they had together. He didn’t want to mess it up or push too much. That didn’t seem to matter. This “new” Phil didn’t care about the boundaries or the consequences. About the rejection and discomfort that could be triggered. He just cared about the primal satisfaction that these thoughts brought to his body. It genuinely felt like there were two different people, fighting for what they wanted. It was exhausting and made Phil very upset with himself. He would never admit it to Dan though. He would take this to his fucking grave.

Awkward and embittered, Phil decided he was going to leave Dan on the couch and try to distract himself. He couldn’t handle all of these conflicting emotions. He gently raised himself off of the couch, got a blanket, and tucked Dan in gently.

Not without resting his hand on his clothed penis, of course. He let it linger and played with the idea of rubbing him while he was asleep. Just for an instant.

He then pulled his hand back like it was on fire and mentally cursed at himself again before rushing out of the living room.

Warning: if I write it the way I see it...it'll be gross.

Like...watersports and farting gross.