Mado'

abused kids reaching late teenage years: it seems I have trauma symptoms, which is odd because nothing traumatic had ever happened to me... sure I don't have many memories of my childhood but I am sure that everything that happened was 100% my fault and also normal and I am supposed to be strong enough to be over that and it was a long time ago so. That's all good. Now. I need to hide these trauma symptoms or my parents will kill me.

I wish I could go to a doctor and just list every single symptom I ever experienced no matter how small and unconnected they seem and the doctor is nice and patient and knows everything and they nod and smile and explain that every symptom I ever experienced is connected to like one rare and often overlooked issue that's sooooo easy to fix with like. a pill. and then I never have to worry about anything ever again.

"and then if people saw us out in public or whatever, it wouldn't be so fucking crazy" god shane & ilya's first date out in public is going to be so stupid. out at lunch ostensibly discussing a foundation thing but neither of them can stop grinning. their shoes are touching under the table. shane argued they shouldn't fuck beforehand but ilya made some persuasive counterarguments ("what, you think they'll see it on you, big just got fucked sign? hollander, if that's true we're already fucked" while sucking shane's dick) and now when shane shifts in his seat ilya flicks his eyebrows up like he knows exactly what shane's feeling (a little tender, a little open). shane pays for lunch without thinking and then says "my treat, don't worry," when ilya makes a move, so okay they're definitely gonna fuck again in half an hour while ilya murmurs "my rich boyfriend... what else can you treat me to" into shane's ear from behind

rewatching Mamma Mia! and just. it’s so perfect in it’s imperfection. people are sweating and their hair is messy and the makeup is minimal and the older people have wrinkles and also look hot and the costuming is chaotic and perfect and the actors were a little tipsy and they mess up lines and aren’t always perfectly on pitch and some of them are clearly not singers or dancers but they look like they’re having so much fun and I really believe that they’re on a greek island that’s the site of Aphrodite’s fountain and god it’s just a perfect movie.