unhinged but in a boring way

[ID: A Reductress headline that says, "'We Are So Back,' Says Woman Who Was Never Even There". End ID]

the new viral trend is swimming in the river with an abdominal wound! take an #AbdominalWoundRiverSwim and post your results

i like it when people compliment me. i like it... when people like me. (looks around to make sure nobody is about to shoot me)

i got that dog in me but it's poorly socialized and i don't take it on as many walks as i should

Every year I watch that white boy go, with no way of warning him. No way of letting him know. Helplessly watching him devour his paprika chicken before journeying the road to his doom. Don’t go, white boy. Don’t go.

quarterly reminder that if i reblog something ai-generated it is 110% and always an accident and for the love of god please tell me so i can delete it from my blog

I love wasting my babymaking years! I love contributing to low birth rates! countdown to menopause! #fruitlesswomb

i feel like there is a sleep in me that needs to be slept but each time i sleep i don't sleep that sleep

affirmations they will not kill me at work today. it is not in my job description to get killed. if they did kill me at work that would be weird and probably not worth it for them

various tv, film, and theater producers for the last 50 years smacking themselves in the forehead like fuuuuck how can we make it easy to understand why carrie is alienated from her peers and callously bullied at school WITHOUT making her a hideous fatass like in the book

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

Now a functionally suicidal character saying “I will live for you”. Now that’s a dynamic I can sink my teeth into.

now how about a functionally suicidal character saying "I will sell hot dogs for you"

Hotdog vender lays down their life to protect their suicidal partner, who then takes over the hotdog stand to carry on their memory...

It's like talking to a 2010 Old Spice commercial with you people

Everyone say thank you sanitation workers we owe you our lives sanitation workers

wanting to talk to people is so fucking embarrassing. literally hi it's me again I wanted to have a conversation with you because I think you're fun to talk to. oh god you can just fucking kill me if you want sorry

opening Tumblr is like a cigarette break