i love canceling plans. dear maria count me out

The time will pass anyway

It's actually super unethical to keep a peeve as a pet

yes!!! thank you!!! I hate when people do this, it's one of my uh... one of my... oh no...

i just unzip my cloaca and let the posts gush out of me

I always know its getting toasty out in the world because girls start reblogging this post like crazy

canoeing is a fantastic word . those vowels are absolutely out of control in there

i hate viruses so fucking much. literally getting attacked by a fucking shape. a concept. consumes no energy. responds to no stimuli. its only existence is to fuck with you. like fuck offf

theres a big conspiracy theory going round that you can be horribly flawed and also genuinely loved. crazy if true

They say ooooh be a good boy for daddy and you'll get a reward. But then the reward is just gay sex. This is bullshit. I wanted a skateboard

Then they say if you're a bad boy daddy will punish you. But what's the punishment? More gay sex! You can't escape it. This whole damn place is in the pocket of Big Sex

Bro this coffee cake is lowkey cumming in my ass right now

I don't think so

*getting really defensive* I’m literally getting cummed in by it right now

the smuckling smumbler

sorry for acting weird. that was me following my heart

Getting plowed is for the country folk. Here in the city we call it being taken to pound town. And if it's a place with decent public transit, getting railed.

good morning to horror fans, fat bitches, people with psychosis, they/thems, people who can’t drive, trans women, witches, and single dads. the rest of you... you’re on your own