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hey sorry it's just that i don't think i'm very good at being a person. thanks for letting me try with you, anyway.

when jimmy fallon dies theyre incorporating his ashes into a ben and jerrys limited time flavor

"all you ever do is complain" that's not true. I also resent.

I bet on normal dogs that have an average chance of winning and it's really just a coincidence that they all end up losing so badly it's fine it's fine it is fine

i coul dnever be the captain of a ship. everyday id be like third lieutenant ..... do a backflip lol

hey boss i can't come in today it's a sunny day and there's a lovely breeze coming in through my window, yeah it's rustling the branches of the tree outside that's finally bloomed so it's pretty serious

Man and beast should absolutely fuse into one perfect being

this is what it feels like to be in your late 20s

letd go eat parts of that guys car

The mere concept of a resident evil male nude mod is so funny to me. Boy put that boaner away lest a sloppy little critter grabs hold of it

why don't you get a passport and cross the border to the great nation of kill yourself