~🌸Juni🌸~

You’re sitting in the kitchen when your fiancé comes home from patrol. Your head in your hands, leg bouncing up and down, tissue box empty.

“Hey love, I’m gonna hop in the shower really quick. I didn’t have time when I was at the agency.” He walks right by you, kissing your head and dropping his keys and wallet on the table.

You make a non-committal noise and stay where you are. You didn’t expect him to notice anything right away, he can only do that when he is in “hero” mode.

You are stuck in your head when he comes out of the bathroom, not noticing he is next to you until he puts a hand on your shoulder.

“Babe? Is everything okay? I’ve been trying to get your attention.” He sits at the table and leans his head down to make eye contact with you.

You sit still for a moment, working up the energy to look him in the eye. You glance his direction and see the worry in his eyes, and the confusion. The confusion is what gives you the courage to finally speak.

“I’m- “you clear your throat, your voice ragged from sobbing the past hour. “- I’m not happy.”

“Well clearly, you’re not happy baby, you have mascara all over your face. How long have you been crying?” He grabs your chin tilting your face so that he can wipe your cheeks. “Did something happen at work?”

Gently removing his hand from your face and shaking your head you feel your eyes start to well up again. “No Izuku. I am not happy.” You look him in the eyes, hoping that he can read the emotions there and not make you say it out loud.

“That’s okay Y/N, you don’t have to be happy right now.” Izuku shakes his head, a smile crawls up on his face. You know that smile it’s not a special one for you, you haven’t seen a real smile from him in years. It the one you see on the news, his hero smile. Perfect for making civilians feel safe and news reporters to take pictures.

He grasps your hand, squeezing it and tilting his head confusion still lingering in his eyes. It hurts, knowing that he has no idea what you are talking about. For him, this information is going to come out of left field, for you it has been rotting in your brain for months.

“Let’s just order some of your favorite food and we can watch a movie. Yeah?”

You pull your hand from his, standing up from your seat the chair scraping against the floor. “No, Izuku I – “The tears are spilling over now, turning the already black streaks from your mascara grey.

Izuku pushes of from the table and stands up, a tired look on his face that only makes you cry harder. “Whoa whoa baby, why are you crying? You have to calm down, there isn’t any reason for you to be crying right now.” He walks towards you, following as you back up until you bump up against the counter top.

“Just… just give me a minute” Dragging your fingers through you hair you flinch when he reaches for you, but it doesn’t faze him.

“Hey, don’t be like that just talk to me.” He grabs your shoulders, the tight grip scaring you but the look in his eyes is breaking your heart.

“I. Am. Not. Happy.” You push his arms off you and stand tall, not wanting to drag this out any longer.

“I know you – “He goes to grab you again, but you push his hands down pointing your finger at this chest.

“NO, you don’t know Izuku. I am not happy here. I haven’t been happy for months and you haven’t noticed anything. I am not happy with you, with us!” You choke, the words coming up faster than you can say them. “I knew what I was getting into when we got engaged. You are a top ranked hero, and I am just a normal person. How could I ever compare? How could I ever complain when you are saving the world?!”

You can see the change in his attitude as soon as you start yelling. He stops reaching for you, standing up straight and crossing his arms. His emerald eyes darken, like a forest after night fall and his breathing gets even. You’ve seen this look before too, the look he gives ‘villains’ to make them stand down or risk his wrath.

“I CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE!” You know what’s going to happen, he is going to muscle his way into making you “calm down” and this argument will go nowhere, your life will go nowhere. “I AM LONELY ALL THE TIME, I HAVE STARTED MAKING MEALS SPECIFIACLY KNOWING THAT YOU AREN’T GONNA BE HOME TO EAT THEM.”

You start pacing in the kitchen, keeping the island in between you both.

“I DON’T TALK TO OUR FRIENDS ANYMORE; ALL THEY DO NOW IS LOOK AT ME WITH PITY. I HAVEN’T SPOKEN TO MY PARENTS BECAUSE HOW CAN THEY ASK ME ABOUT CHILDREN WHEN WE AREN’T EVEN HAVING SEX?”

You take a breath, and he takes the chance to but in. “We do have sex, we had sex last week!” Izuku throws his hands up a sigh falling out of his mouth, a bomb that destroys your soul.

“Really Izuku? REALLY? I’m telling you that I am not happy in this relationship anymore and the only thing you comment on is our SEX LIFE?” The tears are poring down your face, flooding your mouth and drenching your shirt. “Have you even noticed that I haven’t worn my engagement ring for two months?”

His gaze shoots to your finger, eyes narrowing when he doesn’t see the silver band around it. “Why haven’t you been wearing your ring? Why are you like this all of a sudden? Have you been talking to someone else?” His eyes are even darker, the fury on his face palpable.

You huff out a laugh, the sound broken and distorted. “You haven’t heard a word I said, have you?” Your arms drop to your sides, your heart broken into sand, your soul burnt up into ash.

“I think we just need to take a minute and talk about this, calmly like adults.”

You look up at him and he flinches. There is absolutely no life in your eyes, the once beautiful color dim and muddled.

“I’m leaving Izuku, my stuff is already packed.” You walk past him, a ghost moving on to the next life. “I left the ring on your pillow, and I’ll make sure to transfer my half of the rent until you find a new place.”

He doesn’t move from his spot in the kitchen, his body frozen.

You grab the last couple bags of your stuff that were right next to the door and slip on your shoes.

like a bad penny, you could expect midoriya to crop up with a genial smile, or a heartfelt pep talk, or a supportive word of encouragement at any given opportunity. he was just - like that, so awe-inspiringly helpful and kind. it made your heart stutter in your chest when you watched him laugh bashfully with uraraka, or spar encouragingly with aoyama, or give ashido his sweater without second thought when she spilled water over her shirt. you saw how he physically swelled like he was being inflated when people thanked him, a pretty flush seeping over the plump apples of his cheeks. when they glowed red like that you just wanted to take the skin between your fingers and pinch. you wanted to thank him like everyone else did, to ruffle his stupid beautiful curls and punch his arm teasingly, but the thought of physical contact with him made you feel like you would spontaneously combust. you panicked enough just looking at the boy - god knows what kind of a mess you'd turn into if you returned his thoughtless touches, so you jerked your arm away when he put a consoling hand over it after you lost a sparring session, and pointedly refused to take his pretty scarred hand when you fell during a run and he stopped and doubled back for you with such honest concern on his face that it made your chest ache.

why... why did he care so much?

you were blunt and short and honestly pretty cold with him. you refused his help at every turn - though he diligently offered it at every other turn -, you took the furthest seat from him during group study sessions and flinched away when he got anywhere near you, curling in on yourself to try and soothe your thudding heart. you barely talked to him, and even that it was in monosyllables, short and curt lest your voice crack or come out strangled with how badly you wanted to pull him closer by his stupid short tie and kiss him silly.

you thought if you could keep your distance, and make him see that you weren't worth his kindness, you could let your stupid crush have room to breathe and then maybe it would begin to boil over.

reality, you learned, was often disappointing.

the moment your stupid affliction manifested was a short way into u.a.'s first semester. you were generally an ambivert, so you were quiet toward the beginning of the year but started to really come out of your shell a few weeks in, particularly around the louder, more eccentric people in your class. it was like they pried a personality out of you - you shared inside jokes with sero that left you two cackling like hyenas in the back of class, you fended off kaminari's awkward flirting with barbs or even your own teasing that left him flustered and stammering, and you grinned and laughed when kirishima did, his cheer infectious. you hadn't given midoriya much notice - you thought he was pretty shy, and he mostly kept to his small, tight-knit group that didn't appear to gather a lot of attention, so you let them be happily. but one afternoon you stayed late to make use of the school's track field. you hadn't been taking your running seriously recently, and wanted to catch up on some lost time.

by the time you were done, the sun was beginning to set. the school, shadowed but shimmering with the bronze of the evening sun, looked glittering and regal, and a chill had begun to set in. you were drawing a close on what would be your final lap, when -

"mmphf!"

something hard collided with you, and you went careening sideways into the earth. landing on your side, you coughed out a breath and a groan, turning incredulous eyes to whoever had set you flying, and -

oh.

midoriya scrambled toward you, face openly horrified. his eyes were wide as they flicked over you, skimming your skin for injuries, lunging to one knee and holding out a hand, lower lip wobbling.

"i'm so sorry! i don't know how but i didn't even see you, i was so focused on heading out - you're not hurt, are you? i - i'm so clumsy, this is all my fault, i..."

his words went in one ear and out the other; there was a strange roaring in your head, like you were listening to someone from underwater, everything muffled, blurry, slow. the fiery light cast a glimmering halo through the forest-green of his curls, which came alive in the slight breeze, rising and shifting against the cherry-pink skin of his cheeks. his eyes, too, caught the gilded light, eyes which you once thought were simply plain green because something glittering and regal, something more precious you could ever make tangible and hold, wide and concerned and beautiful.

he was utterly beautiful.

you froze.

shit.

no, no, no.

that thought had to go away immediately. you were not doing this. you could feel blood rushing to your face as you realised he was still kneeling down, one soft pink lip caught worriedly between his teeth, a hand outstretched for you to take.

it was all you could do to push yourself to your feet in silence; your mouth felt dry, your tongue like sandpaper. midoriya watched you clamber to your feet with a hurt look, and you were stabbed in the chest with the image of a mournful puppy. he brought his hand back awkwardly, looking away, cheeks reddening. you could see the spray of freckles across his round cheeks and the snub of his nose.

"i - i was just leaving," you managed to dredge up, before immediately turning away and fleeing for your life.

fucking idiot. you were convinced there was but one braincell bouncing around in your stupid thick head.

why'd you have to go and get a crush on him?

"oi, [surname]! we're heading down to dinner," ashido called, sticking her head round your door without knocking.

you glared over at her without any real heart, and closed your laptop, stretching languidly. it had been a long day of studying, and you were more than ready to eat. you were pretty sure it was bakugo's turn to assist in the kitchen, too, which meant a meal you could enjoy thoroughly. you and ashido chatted as you ambled down to the eating area, but as you got to the door, you froze, horror seeping through you and turning your body cold.

most everyone was already seated around the one long table; it seemed you and ashido were the last to arrive.

there were only two seats left.

one by kirishima, talking animatedly to bakugo whilst stuffing rice into his mouth, and one next to -

you blinked as ashido climbed into the seat by kirishima, throwing you a weird look, and you realised you'd been paralysed in the doorway for a good minute. you watched as midoriya noticed you, blinked, put the pieces together - and smiled with an expression that lit up his whole face, waving you over.

you couldn't move.

what was wrong with you? you willed your legs to work. by now, uraraka and iida had taken notice of you, and were staring between you and midoriya with slight frowns. it took all the effort in the world to keep your face blank as ashido called over to you.

"[surname]? you gonna sit?"

"not hungry," you blurted out, and didn't let it hang in the air for more than a second before pushing right back through the doors and making for your dorm. you didn't stop running until you were locked in the safety of your room, at which point you promptly began beating your head with your fists.

"fucking idiot!" you grunted. "what's wrong with you? moron, moron, moron."

in the canteen, midoriya's smile slid quickly into an expression of hurt disappointment. uraraka stared open-mouthed at the empty space you'd evacuated, whilst iida remarked on your rudeness, but all midoriya could feel was despair.

he was trying so hard to get you to like him. he had a sudden vision of himself, much younger, tailing pitifully after an ash-blond striding far ahead, leaving him choking on dust, calling out - "wait for me! wait up, kacchan!" and he sickened so quickly that his appetite evaporated.

he couldn't take this. if you kept looking at him like he was dirt under your shoe, he was going to break.

"what was yesterday all about?" sero pressed at lunch the next day.

you lifted your gaze to meet his boredly, sucking at your juice through a straw - though your teeth clamped down instinctively at the question, wrinkling the plastic in your mouth. "what are you talking about?"

"i think he means how you bolted from dinner," kaminari supplied helpfully. "seriously, you looked like you were gonna be sick."

"i just wasn't hungry," you deflected firmly. ashido and kirishima exchanged looks dripping with doubt.

"is it about midoriya?" ashido poked. at the mention of his name, your hand tightened inexplicably; juice flooded your mouth too quick for you to swallow, and you doubled over, coughing hard as your cheeks grew hot. bakugo grunted in disgust and kirishima clapped you most unhelpfully on the back until you could breathe.

"so i'll take that as a yes?" mina raised her eyebrows. "sheesh. what's your problem with that kid?"

face burning, you slumped down furiously in your seat. "don't have a problem."

kaminari scoffed in disbelief. "serious? you hate that guy. i dunno why, he's nice enough - but it's like you can't stand him. you never talk to him, and when you do you sound like you're choking on nails."

your eyes fluttered in surprise. you'd wanted to put a healthy distance between you and midoriya, true, but hate? god, it's the opposite. every time he looked at you your brain stopped functioning, all you could think about was burying your face in his shoulder or running your hands over the coarse terrains of his hands or kissing his stupid round beautiful flushed face. the pull was so insistent it felt like an actual ache. did it really seem like you hated him?

"really?" you asked in a small voice, and the table cackled with scoffs of disbelief.

"you always look like you're a second away from chokeslamming him whenever he says anything to you!" sero replied in disbelief. "look, i know he can be a little - full on, i guess, but he's a good dude. he's nice to everyone."

yeah, you thought miserably. that's the fucking problem.

he's nice. maybe if that niceness just extended to you, you'd consider that you had a chance. but the fact was the kindness he displayed to you was the same he extended to literally everyone, even people who didn't deserve it. everyone was a lucky participant of his optimistic pep talks, his encouraging nods, his gentle, reassuring touches.

and after the way you'd treated him, he'd have to be an idiot to like you back.

izuku midoriya was an idiot.

he knew this because he'd made the very grave and potentially life-ruining error in judgement of catching feelings for you.

he really couldn't do anything right, could he?

from the moment he saw you he knew it was hopeless. you were quiet at first, sure, but he took notice. he saw the fire in your eyes, the excitement to get going in the instinctive clench of your fists, the unrealised confidence in your smile. he took copious notes on your quirk during the villain-hero weapon field trip, filling up more than two pages with scribbles and sketches - twice he abruptly snapped out of his stupor to realise he was just sketching the shape of your eyes, flushed, and erased the streaks of lead guiltily. as the weeks passed, his admiration for you only grew. you were just so elegant, the way you had your quirk controlled so entirely down to your every whim was a spectacle to behold - and behold he did, when you fought, evaded, he watched your every move with so much fierce concentration his eyes watered from how little he was blinking.

you shone as bright as the sun. you were utterly beautiful.

he cursed his own shyness when he saw you chattering animatedly with kirishima, ruffling kaminari's hair, slinging an arm round sero's shoulders casually. he could watch you smile for the rest of his life and never get tired of it, he was sure - it was like you lit up from the inside, filled the room with light and warmth. it made him want to get stronger, to make you smile like that at him.

of course the first time he really managed to speak to you properly was when he sent you tumbling into the dirt.

he'd stayed behind to cram for an english test the next day and cut through the field. his mind was so consumed with thoughts of getting home and climbing into bed that he didn't even see them hurtling towards him until his shoulder knocked painfully into the soft muscle of their chest and they lost their footing.

izuku was abruptly horrified, guilt flooding his stomach - and then they rolled onto their back with a groan, and your face is the one he saw beneath the haze of honeyed light, casting shadows from the planes of your features, your eyes glittering and bright and distinctly annoyed, your skin shining with sweat, and his stomach dropped.

he was an idiot.

he scrambled down and offered you a hand up - as mortifying as this was, he'd take the opportunity to talk to you for the first time. maybe it was some weird kind of fate, that you'd both stayed behind, that you were in the same field, that he'd crossed just in time to knock into you. maybe he'd finally get to tell you how amazing he thought you were, and -

you were staring at him.

it was a flat, bored, cold stare that made his heart fall out of his chest. you glanced down at his hand - and then shifted backwards and pushed yourself abruptly to your feet, tearing your gaze from him. he blinked, feeling a cavity open up in his chest as you muttered something sharp and angry and bolted.

too despondent to even call after you, he watched you go, biting his lip so hard that tears filled his eyes.

despite this disastrous first attempt, izuku tried again and again to endear himself to you. at first, he thought it was just about ensuring you knew how incredible he thought you were. as someone who was rarely told so, he figured it must be nice to hear. but you evaded him at every step. when he caught your eye, your lips twisted into a frown and you looked away immediately. when he offered to tutor you in literature, all you did was fix him with a blank stare that made his stomach twist in knots before yaoyorozu gently told him that she'd be more than happy to do it. there was a tiny flare of hope when you two got randomly paired together for a field test - but even as he watched you swapped your token matching his with kirishima, who loped over with an apologetic smile. izuku still watched your fight with ojiro against tokoyami and tsuyu, and you were amazing as always - but he couldn't help but reflect gloomily on how good of a team the two of you would've been together instead.

he should probably give up. but he was never very good at that.

as more time passed, and izuku entered his third semester at u.a., the ache worsened. the cavity in his chest opened wider, swallowing his heart whole. uraraka and iida were sympathetic to his plight, but they didn't really understand.

"they treat you like garbage, midoriya," uraraka tutted one day as izuku stole glances at you from across the lunch hall. you were sitting with a parted mouth as kaminari threw candies in the air and you tried to catch them between your teeth.

"i just - think they're incredible," he replied softly, sadly, and even todoroki must've picked up on his low mood because he abruptly offered izuku half his soba.

but it was the truth. he'd admired you from afar, but even from that distance you'd imposed between the two of you, he could see you. he could see the light in your eyes, the fire in your smile, the life in your body when you laughed and fought and ate. it didn't matter to his heart that you ignored and rebuked him at every turn, not when it hammered so hard when he caught a glimpse of your smile, or when your eyes accidentally grazed his from across the room. that ache in his chest was going to eat him alive.

he had to tell you. soon. before he died.

it started in your third semester at u.a.

on the first day back after break, you'd brought a suitcase full of luggage to your dorm and were struggling with hauling it up the stairs. yaoyorozu had busted the elevator by exceeding the weight limit with some of the furniture she'd brought from home, and the damn wheels kept catching on the stairs as you strained with it.

"oh! d- do you need help with that?"

your head shot up, dread burrowing in your chest. sure enough, midoriya hovered uncertainly at the base of the stairs, glancing at your stained arms worriedly.

"n- not that i think you can't handle it yourself, of course!" he blurted, waving his arms frantically. "i mean, i know you're super strong because i've watched you train - i mean, not watched, um - seen, you know, so - so you can probably get it up by yourself, i just thought - "

you blinked at the stammering, blushing green mess several stairs below you. be more perfect, go on!, you dared him furiously in your head. you could feel your cheeks growing hot as he scrambled to explain himself, and before you could form a coherent thought your traitorous mouth had opened itself up and -

"yes."

he froze, eyes fluttering in surprise, mouth a perfect 'o'. he looked so cute you wanted to scream. "s- sorry?"

"... i could use a hand," you spat, already thoroughly regretting this. it was just - you'd been back at u.a. for less than two hours, and you didn't think you could handle seeing the kicked puppy expression on midoriya's face so early. he froze for a good few seconds before his whole face flooded with colour, and he scrambled eagerly up the stairs to lift the other end of the suitcase effortlessly. you blinked at the ease he hefted it with. okay. wow.

fuck.

he was smiling so widely you had to look away or you'd do something stupid like kiss him, or drop your end of the suitcase. in silence, you hefted the thing all the way to your dorm room before you set it down heavily on the carpet, taking a second to catch your breath. a second too fucking long apparently, because midoriya had already turned his eyes to your shelves and was gazing curiously.

izuku midoriya was in your room.

the thought was enough to efficiently stop your breath from circulating, and you became paralysed in place as midoriya hummed curiously under his breath, ghosted his fingers over the ornaments and books on your shelf, feather-light touches, his eyes alight with interest. he was so soft like that, in his home clothes, a thick sweater over his shoulders, hair mussed, face open and tender as he handled your possessions with something like reverence.

when he turned around, pink-cheeked, you realised you'd been staring at him like a creep for a good two minutes. he blinked, caught off by the intensity of your gaze, and his flush grew deeper, contrasting prettily against his freckles. for a heart-stopping moment you just stared at him, trying to get your muscles to respond, and he stared right back, mouth parted, eyelids fluttering in surprise.

something wrenched in you; you made forward and he blinked rapidly and backed up, but you took his arm firmly and tugged him; he stumbled behind you with a squeak that you knew was going to be the next source of agonising pining for you for the next few weeks as you pulled him as gently as you dared outside your door and slammed it shut before he could speak.

this was getting so out of hand.

11:42pm

from: midoriya

hey!! i'm not sure if you're awake or not, if you were sleeping just ignore this and i'm sorry to bother you!!

but if you're awake

11:44pm

from: midoriya

would you mind coming down to the common area?

i need to talk to you.

you blinked at your phone for several seconds straight; immediately anxiety pulsed through you, and you gripped your device like an anchor. what the fuck was this? was he going to tell you how much he hated you? not that you could blame him, but you didn't know if you'd be able to take anything less than his unending kindness from him without bursting into tears. god, fuck. you could simply pretend you hadn't seen the text. it was late enough that you could feasibly pretend you were asleep - and a second later you realised that was the point. midoriya had probably waited until a late enough time that you could pretend to ignore him for your own comfort.

because he was kind.

and you were a coward.

taking a deep breath, you typed out a short reply: 'down in five,' and steeled yourself. you'd been nothing but awful to him this whole year. you'd seen the hurt on his face when you declined his help, the disappointment when you could only stare at him rather than giving him a coherent answer, the trembling sadness when you avoided him like the plague. it was so much less than he deserved, this beautiful boy who gave and gave just because it was the right thing to do.

you owed him this, at least.

you shrugged on a hoodie and hid your hands, which were clenching anxiously into fists, in the pockets as you meandered down to the common room. when you peeked a head round the door, it was empty but for a figure on the couch. his back was mostly to you, but you could see his leg bouncing from where you stood, and the way he wiped his palms on his trousers, and from here you could hear him muttering softly to himself - a habit that seemed to weird everyone else out but you always found kind of attractive, for god knows what reason. you gritted your teeth and stepped inside, watching the way his eyes widened and his expression cleared when your presence became known. he jumped to his feet, a ball of nervous energy, and your eyes flicked down to where his scarred hands twisted against each other.

"you came!" he squeaked. "i - i mean i know you said you were going to, but i was starting to wonder - not that i think you're a liar or anything! it's just that..."

god, he was so cute you were going to combust. mostly for your own sanity, you cleared your throat, noting with a jumping heart the way he started to a halt, and that godforsaken flush crept over his face. he offered an embarrassed smile and brought a hand to rub at the back of his neck, and you bit the inside of your cheek harshly to stop yourself audibly whimpering.

"okay! um. i know you're probably wondering why you're down here, and i - i just have something i want to say. it's not - i mean, don't feel like you have to say anything back, i - i'll understand, i just need to tell you. because it's - it's driving me crazy, honestly," he mumbled, gaze fixated on the floor.

you braced yourself.

"i - i like you."

pause.

your faced collapsed into a blank shock that, for once, wasn't a conscious effort. you physically felt your stomach drop, your heart clench, the blood drain from your face. inside your hoodie pockets, your hands clenched so tightly that your nails left grooves on your palms. midoriya watched you with an expression that grew more troubled, and when he next spoke, his voice had grown tight and strangled.

"s-sorry," he whispered. "i know you don't feel the same. i - i know i annoy you, and you probably don't like me, and - and i'm sorry if i was ever a bother to you. i just wanted you to know... that i think you're incredible. you're so strong and - and full of life, and - i think you're perfect."

if you had been held at gunpoint and told to move, or think, or speak or else he would fire, tell your friends good fucking bye. you were absolutely rooted in place; the shock had turned your brain to jelly. he couldn't mean it, was your first thought. he's just nice. i'm the furthest thing from it. why would he like me? why?

the silence stretched on agonisingly. you wanted - so many things. to tell him you felt the same. to burst into tears. to card your fingers through his hair and press your lips against his. but instead you could only stare mutely, eyes wide, mouth parted, and midoriya physically drooped. you saw his eyes fill with tears and your heart cracked in two, and you screamed at yourself to move - but you couldn't.

"i understand," midoriya whispered, voice catching. "s- sorry, i don't mean to cry." don't apologise, you screamed in your head. "i'm sorry to be a bother to you. i - i'll let you sleep, i'm sure you must be tired."

with that, he stumbled quickly from the room. before the door slammed, you heard a muffled sob echo throughout the stairwell. was this how he felt, all those times, watching you run away from him? all you wanted was to tug him back by his hoodie and hold him to you until the tears disappeared. slowly, you sunk into the couch.

you're the worst person alive, you told yourself dully, and you felt it. you gripped the roots of your hair, furious with yourself, awash in self-loathing. idiot, idiot, idiot!, you screamed in your head.

for the first time since this whole stupid crush debacle begun, you let yourself cry.

the next morning saw you waking with bitterness at the back of your throat.

you felt raw and empty, like you'd just thrown up. you seriously considered skipping class, unable to stand the idea of facing midoriya after last night. he'd handed you his heart on a platter and you'd dropped it at his feet, and now he'd have come to his senses. perhaps he'd been blind to how awful you were because of his crush, but now surely he'd have opened his eyes and saw the truth - that you were so much less than what he deserved.

a tiny part of you broke at that thought, but you culled it quickly. it was no less than you deserved. you didn't get to be selfish about this.

so you made your way down to breakfast with a bowed head and slumped silently into the seat beside kirishima, who glanced at you with concern.

"everything alright?" he asked, and you winced at the volume of his voice. you nodded quickly and jammed your mouth with food so you didn't have to answer verbally.

you could feel eyes burning into the side of your head, and made the mistake of looking up; midoriya's blinked at being caught in the act and immediately ducked his head. he looked a mess - there were dark circles arching under his eyes, bruise-blue, and his waterline was irritated and red like he'd been crying. his hair was wilder than usual like he'd been tossing in his sleep - or even like he hadn't slept at all. your stomach clenched, sick with yourself.

he looked utterly miserable and it was your fault.

his face looked so empty without his beaming smile, his pleased blush, his scrunched nose. he looked pallid and drawn and just sad, empty, tired. even his freckles looked pale.

ashido nudged you. "what's going on? you look like death."

you sniffed and shook your head. "can't. tell you later," you promised under your breath, and ashido huffed but acquiesced. you missed the look of concern that shot between your friends with your head buried in your arms.

as promised, ashido cornered you at lunch as you set your tray on their table. you flinched, stomach roiling, but the way they were looking up at you, solemn and concerned, was too much to bear. clenching your fists tight, you choked it out:

"midoriya confessed to me."

there was a beat of silence. then -

"oh, shit!" kaminari exclaimed, his eyebrows raised. "he finally did it, huh?"

"what do you mean, finally?" you frowned, heart jumping into your throat.

sero looked at you like you'd grown a third head. "uh - i mean, you knew, right?"

you shook your head frantically, eyes popping. "no! what? are you saying you did?"

"well no shit!" ashido exclaimed, her own eyes bugging in disbelief. "are you kidding? anyone with a pair of eyes can see how in love that kid is with you!”

you blinked rapidly. "i - i never..." you trailed off, mortified. "i always thought he was just being nice."

"oh my god," kirishima exhaled in bewilderment. "you are so oblivious."

"so - what'd you say?" ashido pressed eagerly, and your sour mood returned immediately. you groaned and buried your head in your hands,

"i - i didn't say anything. i stared at him like he was an alien and he bolted."

a ringing silence descended on the group. when you peeked up, your friends were gaping at you.

"you're kidding," ashido said in a hushed voice. "oh, that poor baby."

"that's rough," sero agreed with a wince. "i mean - ouch, man."

"i know, i know," you wailed, distraught. "i just completely short-circuited, it was like i went into cardiac arrest. i had no idea what to say so i just - just - god."

kirishima blew out a breath slowly. "okay. we can fix this. it's midoriya, after all - he's understanding. just go talk to him and set the record straight. it's the manly thing to do."

"i agree," ashido said at once. "don't leave the poor guy hanging. tch, look at him, he's miserable!"

unwillingly, your eyes followed her gaze, and your heart lurched nauseatingly. midoriya was hunched over a still-full bento, resting his head on his fist. his eyes were unfocused and he was biting down on his lower lip in a way that made you think he was trying not to cry. uraraka patted his elbow sympathetically, but when she spoke he simply shook his head and screwed his eyes shut, and you watched helplessly as tears began to seep from beneath his closed eyelids, spilling over his cheeks.

"i'll do it," you muttered. "i'll - i'll talk to him tonight."

the day went agonisingly sluggishly, but it did end eventually.

as soon as you got back to the dorms you went straight for your room, locked the door firmly, and promptly began to panic. you had to tell midoriya the truth. even if he hated you now, you owed it to him. and you thought maybe you owed it to yourself, too. you showered and changed and tried to distract yourself for the next few hours. dinner came and went with sero knocking at your door, but you told him you weren't hungry. the sky darkened. you watched the sunset from your window, thinking back to that time midoriya had knocked you over as you ran.

why couldn't you just have taken his fucking hand?

what, exactly, was wrong with you?

the golden light dwindled to darkness. finally, sick with nerves at just past eleven, you brought out your phone and opened midoriya's contact.

11:04pm

from: you

hi.

a minute passed. then three. then ten, fifteen, thirty. you paced anxiously, gnawing at your lip. he must've gone to sleep already, you told yourself dully. or he was ignoring you, as he had every right to. sick with heartache, you went to turn your phone off and crawl under the covers when the screen lit up.

11:39pm

from: midoriya

hey.

you were scrambling to message back before the notification had even vanished.

11:39pm

from: you

i'm sorry if i woke you

from: midoriya

i wasn't asleep. is everything okay??

you bit your lip, feeling your chest tighten. even after the way you treated him, he was still looking out for you. was it simply second nature to him?

from: you

no. i need to talk to you.

i understand if you don't want to see me but i rlly want to explain, i owe you this

a minute passed.

11:40pm

from: midoriya

do you want to come to my room? we can talk there.

or the common area if ur more comfortable there.

from: you

i'll be at ur room in five.

you were quiet as you made your way down the flight of stairs to the boys' rooms, well aware you were passed curfew. the last thing you wanted was to get midoriya into additional trouble. thankfully, aizawa seemed to be catching some much-needed sleep that night, and was nowhere in sight. silently, you crept toward midoriya's door, braced yourself, and knocked softly.

it clicked open immediately; the boy himself stood there in a plain shirt and shorts, all big red-rimmed eyes and soft, sleep-tousled hair. he shot you a small, nervous smile and stepped aside to let you in.

you couldn't help but smile a little at the decor: all might everything, walls to ceiling. it was stupidly adorable, if a little overbearing. you felt the judgemental eyes of the great hero trained on you from all sides as you turned to face the green-haired boy, who had taken a perch on the edge of his desk chair and was looking up at you expectantly, hands wringing against each other.

"um. thanks. for letting me see you," you murmured. his eyes shot open a little wider, and you realised with humiliation that that was probably the most you'd ever said to him at one time. cursing yourself, you hurried on. "i - i wanted to say i'm sorry about - how i responded to you last night. the truth is i just panicked, i - i just wasn't expecting - "

"i-it's alright," midoriya cut in agitatedly, waving his hands. "i - i shouldn't have sprung it on you like this, i never meant to make you feel uncomfortable. i only wanted..." he seemed to droop in his seat, eyes finding the floor. "i meant what i said," he continued in a tiny voice. "all of it. i'm not - not asking you to return how i f-feel, or anything - i know you deserve more than me, but i want you to know..." his gaze lifted; his virescent eyes seemed to shine like gems in the low light. "i think you're amazing. i always have."

your breath caught painfully in your throat, and you could feel your eyes welling with tears. he... after everything, he still thought... you reeled in a breath, two, willing yourself to speak.

and this time, you did.

"you're wrong," you murmured. "i don't deserve more than you. i - i hardly deserve you at all, midoriya, after the way i treated you. i'm so sorry. the truth is... i think you're amazing too."

a beat of silence. midoriya's mouth parted, eyes widened, and he went completely still, needing for you to continue. so you did, spilling out everything you'd kept bottled up for the months you'd known him.

"ever since that day you knocked me over i haven't stopped thinking about you," you admitted, and it was kind of humiliating but it felt like a weight off your chest and you thought maybe it was worth it for the way his lip trembled and his face flushed and his eyes flashed with barely-concealed hope. "i never knew what to say to you. or how to act. i'd never felt so strongly about someone before - it - it was like everything you did made me like you more. and with how awfully i treated you it never occurred to me that you could feel the same, so i thought i didn't have any chance at all." you felt the tears spill down your cheeks. "but what i'm trying to say, midoriya... i like you too."

a whimper greeted your ears at this confession, and you could see that midoriya had gotten shakily to his feet. he was staring at you like he could hardly believe you were real, and his own tears were running down his face but he hardly seemed to mind because his mouth had twisted into a hesitant smile.

"you - you mean it?" he whispered with reverence. he blinked, and his eyelashes kissed his cheek. "you... like me?"

"yes." the word felt like it was punched out of you, and midoriya's breath staggered as he reached out tentatively. you watched his hand move slowly towards you own - and for the first time ever, you didn't pull away. his fingers wrapped over your clenched fist, gently at first, like he was scared to hurt you. you choked back a gasp; you could feel every ridge, every callus, every scar on his hand. it was shaking, too, but when his grip tightened and he let out an incredulous little laugh that made you want to squeeze him, you lunged forward and wrapped your arms around him, bringing him in as close as you could and then some. his gasp of surprise was muffled against the crook of your neck where he buried his head, and when your arms came up to circle around him you felt him trembling delicately beneath you, and you suppressed a cry when his own arms wrapped around you, gripping like you'd disappear if he let go.

"am i dreaming?" he mumbled against your skin. the buzz of his speech shivered up your neck, a static shock beneath your skin. "are - are you real?"

"'m real," you murmured, voice shaking. he pulled back, face full of worship, and when you leant in to kiss him you swallowed his tiny gasp of surprise. it felt like a capillary burst in your brain when you finally felt him against you, like everything in your life had been leading up to this, your hands in the base of his green curls, his hands jerking uncertainly around your waist, the way he breathed with you. you felt the passing of several sunlit days on a track field before you pulled apart, knocking your forehead against his.

with a trembling hand, you wiped the remnants of tears from his cheeks. without thinking, you whispered, "i love your freckles."

he reddened. "i- you-"

you hummed, pressed a feather-light kiss to the constellations on his face. his eyes followed you, wider than you'd ever seen, brows sloping together, lip trembling, and he ducked his face into your hand on his cheek, blushing furiously. you chuckled and afforded his other cheek the same treatment, feeling the skin of his face reach boiling point beneath your skin.

"thank you," he murmured, voice caught, broken.

"thank you," you corrected sweetly, and he whined and buried his face in your collarbone, beaming and flushed.

as it turned out, you were both idiots. but it seemed to turn out okay, in the end.

note: holy SHIT. i got this request around four days ago and i had a sudden burst of inspiration to just sit down and finish it so i wrote this whole thing in one sitting. it’s currently 3am. anyways. i’m so proud of this. i’m sorry it’s so long but i kinda took the concept and ran with it and i really didn’t want the relationship to seem rushed. i considered splitting it into two parts but idk, i like to read an indulgent long fic every so often. thank you for requesting nonnie, you know who you are :)