a sight of random bullshit

*sends out email I've been putting off* ah finally :). ah that's a weight off my shoulders :). ah I can relax an-- *receives response to email* what the fuck. what the fuck. what the fuckkkk

#fuck we’ve entered turn based combat (via @philologicalbat)

Forgetful Ice Cream Sandwich

Executive Dysfunction Cake n’ Ice Cream

Unfocused Cereal

sensitive rice

Migraine Grits

Distraction Donut.

Leg-Jiggle M&Ms

Panic Cheese

Dread Tiffin

Despair Mint

Insomnia Lucky Charm

Deterritorialization Strawberry

Lethargy sandwich

Constant Stress Salmon

Anxiety Iced Tea

Mood Swings Red Bull

@counting-horses please let at least one of these be real

Aww Tiffin is a grandchild of the Tetrarch, that’s cute!

this is what public transportation should connect to

finally someone with urban planning experience

My grandma just called and, among other things, said “You have hips. That’s good! Men like hips!” and then she interrupted herself to say “Women like hips. People of your preferred gender like hips. I can never remember”  And I was like “Thanks grandma! My preferred gender is none of them, no thanks.” and she was like “Okay, no one will comment on your hips!” very self satisfied, like “aha, I have figured it out” I think like half her grandkids are some variety of not-straight and she can’t always remember which is which but she is the epitome of like “she’s a little confused, but she’s got the spirit!”

Update: I gave it some thought and my estimate was wrong. Of the grandkids that are out, it’s 1/3, not ½

I told my grandma that I’d told my friends about what she said and that some of y’all had said you wished she was your grandma, and she said “Well, you can never have too many grandkids!”  So like…consider her your honorary grandma* I guess? *if you want an honorary grandma, that is

Update on my grandma: I told her my hair was standing up, but instead of straight line it was diagonal and she said “That’s okay, you’ve never been straight!” and then laughed so hard at her own joke I thought she was going to drop the phone

Happy almost pride month! Have my confused-but-supportive grandma!

An update: my grandma just called me to ask if I knew it was pride month

Happy pride month!!

community theatre is quite possibly the funniest hobby, because you will meet all these people who are insanely talented and could probably have gone pro if luck and/or nepotism had allowed, and not only that but you will meet people with Star Quality, the inexplicable magnetism that makes you go "wow i would listen to them read their grocery list." and then you'll be hanging out with them backstage and they'll be like "yeah i'm a receptionist at a dentist's office"

to clarify, it's not everyone. it's not even most people. it is unfortunately not me. but every now and then you are going to meet someone with qualities you chiefly associate with celebrities and then you are going to have to try to imagine meryl streep as a manager at dunkin donuts

You should be starting a recipe book. I don't give a shit if you're only 20-years-old. The modern web is rotting away bit by bit before our very eyes. You have no idea when that indie mom blog is going down or when Pinterest will remove that recipe. Copy it down in a notebook, physically or digitally. Save it somewhere only you can remove it. Trust me, looking for a recipe only to find out it's been wiped off the internet is so fucking sad. I've learned my lesson one too many times.

Never have I seen the perfect application of two memes back to back so that both can stand without any alteration but the lack of words itself. This is a work of art. I would call this meme poetry.

You know how much I would lose my mind if I was at an aquarium and turned a corner to see a wild ass heron staring at a fish tank

the best fanfiction you've ever read was written by a woman in her 40s before she made dinner for her kids. it was written by a teenager after school when they should've been studying for a history test. and a barista came up with the idea while they cleaned the espresso machine and busser fact-checked it on their break and the post-doc edited between writing grant proposals and the nurse apologized for typos in the notes after a long shift and behind every drabble and one-shot and multi-chapter fic there is a person with a wonderful and interesting and chaotic life and it is such a privilege that we get to be apart of it because they decided to do this thing we all share, for fun.

you learn something new everyday. unless you're a historian. then you learn something old