pin
i remade (same url)
i am 28 and from the midwestern usa
i dont have a dni/byf, if i do not like ur vibe i will simply block u <3
sideblog @worldcity-archive, u can dm for personal if we're mutuals
d e v o n
Not today Justin


祝日 / Permanent Vacation

Love Begins
will byers stan first human second

Janaina Medeiros
Stranger Things
dirt enthusiast

Kaledo Art

NASA
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
todays bird

Kiana Khansmith

Product Placement
$LAYYYTER
Sade Olutola
occasionally subtle
almost home

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@lawlcat
pin
i remade (same url)
i am 28 and from the midwestern usa
i dont have a dni/byf, if i do not like ur vibe i will simply block u <3
sideblog @worldcity-archive, u can dm for personal if we're mutuals

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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i cant even be completely angry with my mom because i know my dad influences her and i cant even be completely angry with him because i, too, have fallen down orthorexic youtube rabbit holes, but i cant stop hating the fact that they both seem so oblivious to the fact that anything is ever wrong, unable to address any issue by its name both related to food and unrelated to food. it's like theyd rather just keep their heads in the sands. so it is just clickbait over and over, and a complete lack of trying to understand why these troublesome things are happening in the first place -- its just like an endless fruitless search for cures. anti-aging cures anti-fat cures anti-death cures. literal fucking snake oil like $600 bottles of colloidal silver to drip one drop a time under your tongue, when you cant pay your fucking rent. what are you doing?
today i am sick and made chicken soup and rolled corn tortillas with lime and salt and when i told my mama she told me that she doesnt eat corn tortillas anymore because they are "bad for her" and then went on to describe how she's trying to eat as much meat as she can (this is entirely my dad's influence) -- depressing that he can convince her to leave behind even a core staple of her heritage. whatever
made and ate buñuelos as some sort of fighting back against the way she praised me for cutting up garlic and onion and lime into chicken stock instead of having campbells because its "better for you" and waxed poetic about how healthy i eat.
i said "i am trying to not think of food like good and bad anymore" and suggested that it is more cozy or comforting or nostalgic and this is where the tortilla discussion came about. tortillas is not why my mom had got fat or developed t2 diabetes and tortillas did not kill her sister or mom and ripping it out of her diet forever wont bring either or them back nor will it create a protective shell around her that will ensure she will never have another stroke or bout of spinal bacterial meningitis and end up permanently the way she was for months on end afterwards or die.
bc its never been about the fucking tortillas. every conversation oscillates around food. useless ruminating for nothing. cutting out tortillas! that'll fix everything. (it wont.) let's just cut out fruit next and dairy and vegetables -- oh wait, you already do. entire groups of foods.
"the food is the issue" well perhaps if you'd looked [redacted] in its eyes instead of throwing yourself into the guilt/shame cycle of binging and purging and dieting and restricting and shame shame shame shame shame it never wouldve reached that point. have you ever in your life considered that this is a proxy for something else? ever?
"you are lucky because you always swang in the other direction" i ate handfuls of flour in the group home because my body was so starved that it did it for me, on autopilot, go ahead, try and eat a handful of flour right now. try and swallow it. i bet you cant.
what can i do to get you out of the cycle? nothing really
the better i get physically and the more i eat and relax and breathe and live normally the more suffocating it feels to talk to her. criticquing every part of her body and her face and her food and what shes eatinga nd the way clothes lay on her body and the way she refers to herself and the immense shame and guilt and self loathing. i think sometimes that its no wonder that i ended up the way i did when growing up the person i idolized most (and believed to be the smartest - prettiest - most beautiful person) couldnt stop pinching her fucking stomach.
today i am sick and made chicken soup and rolled corn tortillas with lime and salt and when i told my mama she told me that she doesnt eat corn tortillas anymore because they are "bad for her" and then went on to describe how she's trying to eat as much meat as she can (this is entirely my dad's influence) -- depressing that he can convince her to leave behind even a core staple of her heritage. whatever
made and ate buñuelos as some sort of fighting back against the way she praised me for cutting up garlic and onion and lime into chicken stock instead of having campbells because its "better for you" and waxed poetic about how healthy i eat.
i said "i am trying to not think of food like good and bad anymore" and suggested that it is more cozy or comforting or nostalgic and this is where the tortilla discussion came about. tortillas is not why my mom had got fat or developed t2 diabetes and tortillas did not kill her sister or mom and ripping it out of her diet forever wont bring either or them back nor will it create a protective shell around her that will ensure she will never have another stroke or bout of spinal bacterial meningitis and end up permanently the way she was for months on end afterwards or die.
bc its never been about the fucking tortillas. every conversation oscillates around food. useless ruminating for nothing. cutting out tortillas! that'll fix everything. (it wont.) let's just cut out fruit next and dairy and vegetables -- oh wait, you already do. entire groups of foods.
"the food is the issue" well perhaps if you'd looked [redacted] in its eyes instead of throwing yourself into the guilt/shame cycle of binging and purging and dieting and restricting and shame shame shame shame shame it never wouldve reached that point. have you ever in your life considered that this is a proxy for something else? ever?
"you are lucky because you always swang in the other direction" i ate handfuls of flour in the group home because my body was so starved that it did it for me, on autopilot, go ahead, try and eat a handful of flour right now. try and swallow it. i bet you cant.
what can i do to get you out of the cycle? nothing really

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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today i am sick and made chicken soup and rolled corn tortillas with lime and salt and when i told my mama she told me that she doesnt eat corn tortillas anymore because they are "bad for her" and then went on to describe how she's trying to eat as much meat as she can (this is entirely my dad's influence) -- depressing that he can convince her to leave behind even a core staple of her heritage. whatever
I self administered black tea to the point of madness.
they hate me because the years of memory loss has purified my mind
yeah man open it up in tf2 for me
this quarantine got me feeling like luke’s guy walker… trapped on dagobah with that gay little frog, help LOL!

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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if you need me i’ll be in my coffin
going through some stuff and by stuff i mean like things and such
i am sorry to all my wokest loved ones but i do not like to be called a "neurospicy queer" in fact it would genuinely offend me less to be called a retarded dyke
does anybody know if we have scrupulosity due tmrw
just kidding scrupulosity implies PERCIEVED sinfulness the way that obsessive compulsive spartinism implies that theres something wrong with wanting to be clean and perfdct, an obviously attainable state of being. and i think i should be shot in the head about the entire thing.
i wrote this half asleep after waking up mid-panic attack and thought i deleted it. but i reread it and you know what? yeah
ok i have officially hit my limit

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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shana cave
fuck this life of wonder and it doesnt help im curious as fuck😭