i said "i am trying to not think of food like good and bad anymore" and suggested that it is more cozy or comforting or nostalgic and this is where the tortilla discussion came about. tortillas is not why my mom had got fat or developed t2 diabetes and tortillas did not kill her sister or mom and ripping it out of her diet forever wont bring either or them back nor will it create a protective shell around her that will ensure she will never have another stroke or bout of spinal bacterial meningitis and end up permanently the way she was for months on end afterwards or die.

bc its never been about the fucking tortillas. every conversation oscillates around food. useless ruminating for nothing. cutting out tortillas! that'll fix everything. (it wont.) let's just cut out fruit next and dairy and vegetables -- oh wait, you already do. entire groups of foods.

"the food is the issue" well perhaps if you'd looked [redacted] in its eyes instead of throwing yourself into the guilt/shame cycle of binging and purging and dieting and restricting and shame shame shame shame shame it never wouldve reached that point. have you ever in your life considered that this is a proxy for something else? ever?

"you are lucky because you always swang in the other direction" i ate handfuls of flour in the group home because my body was so starved that it did it for me, on autopilot, go ahead, try and eat a handful of flour right now. try and swallow it. i bet you cant.

i said "i am trying to not think of food like good and bad anymore" and suggested that it is more cozy or comforting or nostalgic and this is where the tortilla discussion came about. tortillas is not why my mom had got fat or developed t2 diabetes and tortillas did not kill her sister or mom and ripping it out of her diet forever wont bring either or them back nor will it create a protective shell around her that will ensure she will never have another stroke or bout of spinal bacterial meningitis and end up permanently the way she was for months on end afterwards or die.

bc its never been about the fucking tortillas. every conversation oscillates around food. useless ruminating for nothing. cutting out tortillas! that'll fix everything. (it wont.) let's just cut out fruit next and dairy and vegetables -- oh wait, you already do. entire groups of foods.

"the food is the issue" well perhaps if you'd looked [redacted] in its eyes instead of throwing yourself into the guilt/shame cycle of binging and purging and dieting and restricting and shame shame shame shame shame it never wouldve reached that point. have you ever in your life considered that this is a proxy for something else? ever?

"you are lucky because you always swang in the other direction" i ate handfuls of flour in the group home because my body was so starved that it did it for me, on autopilot, go ahead, try and eat a handful of flour right now. try and swallow it. i bet you cant.