your buddy sends women rape threats, she deserves to be ostracized

You're right about women needing to be meaner. But I think we should also judge each other a lot less. I know often it's meant to be well meaning but if policing each other meant anything substantial or made a real difference we'd be at least 10 female presidents deep by now (or whatever scenario best illustrates progress for female liberation). It's why Tumblr often can suck. There's a difference between male violence and a woman with a questionable set of values and I really worry younger people aren't going to know the difference because lip service of criticism to these things are of equal amount in recent narratives. Past feminist discussion and literature highlighting the evil of male violence is treated like a block that begs to be built on instead of a core focus that should first and foremost be made known by as many people as possible and as often as reasonably possible. Males often gain power through repetition of pro-male, anti-female rhetoric and propaganda. Phrasing may change to suit context but there's always repackaging of the sentiments. The obsession with policing each other is very much socialized in women and girls and we have to make the uncomfortable choice to not let our disagreements destroy our connection. I was going to put a disclaimer about how there are certain instances that of course warrant a woman to be considered off the deep end, but actually that sort of illustrates my point. There's no need to obsess over and keep mentioning this sort of common sense thing anymore regarding very seldom cases in reality and really that's just the inner (male) cop in us trying to give us extra paperwork to tire us out and distract us from connecting and discussing core issues. We can break this chain.