Tony Cock Pro Hater welcome to my hell dimension

The next time you see or hear from me I will, most definitely, be a changed man. 

Before I go I’ll answer a question that people keep asking about my ring.  My ring is the skull of a chameleon.

The chameleon can see everything that happens around it.  Constantly aware of its environ, the small reptile changes color depending on the situation it enters.  Its very special form of adaptation is one I try to mimic, every time I enter a space I try to become aware of what I step into and change my color accordingly.  The way I move, feel, argue, and all the discourse of my life, changes in order to succeed within that space.  This adaptation to environmental and social pressure will allow me to succeed, much like Darwin had so brilliantly noted. You take a role and embrace it, but know that you arenever whole, and those who fall in love with you or otherwise fall for your performance, not you, for you is never constant. 

THOU ART CURRENTLY LISTENING TO

*Gregorian chanting*

13.21

*leper bell ringing*

HIGH MEDIAEVAL FM

*recording of John Lackland sobbing as he signs the Magna Carta*

WHENCE COMETH NAUGHT BUT LITURGIES

LITURGIES

AND MORE LITURGIES

*Templar knights praying out loud*

THIS ISN’T THY GRANDMOTHERES STATION

but idk

this is alexandrias melon (wow)

it never grows seeds but it can still produce other melons (its magic)

it is grown deep in the jungles of peru and can prevent you from aging well into the hundreds

it is known by the natives there as k’uhul ajaw cacao shi-jiiy.

This is the Peppermeloni. (seriously gosh just look at that sexy mother fucker) Its scientific name is Tumblrous Pepperonus.

The only known specimen is in a pot in David Karps treasure dungeon. It is a tradition that a single slice is given to every tumblr blog that reaches 500,000 followers.

It has the remarkable property of being as healthy as watermelon but tasting like cheesy pepperoni pizza.

I’m Dwayne Johnson, and this is my best friend, lover, soulmate Mark.  We met at a cheeseburger social for uneducated youths in the Pittsburgh area.  We shook hands, talked some small talk…then fireworks happen.  We hung out at the condo I used to live in on third street.  It started out as any other night, then he complained about a small rash on his behind.  This lead to me cleaning the rim of his asshole with the tip of my tongue.  It took 2 hours to get that thing clean enough for me to eat out of.  Which, I did.  I sprayed Cheez Kool (I couldn’t afford Cheez Wiz because of my expensive condo) inside his colon and sucked the chocolate cheesecake out. 

Over that long (but it felt so short!) summer, we experimented so much.  I gutted his taint hair completely off using but only my bottom teeth and my sheer swallowing power.  He sucked the cum out of my penis so hard that the skin of my scrotum collapsed and conformed to the exact shape of my testicles.  I felt like a craisin in the sun and had to refrain from sexual activities or urinating for three days.  During that period of time, I shoved a cherry pepper in his ass and left it there for a week to ferment.  Then, I used this newly Mark fermented pickled pepper in my chef salad.

We did plenty more…from urethra insertion to drunk blumpkins.  But he had to return to his hometown of Santa Fe…and I vowed to always remember him.  I’ll never forget the summer of ‘69.

(play this and scroll slowly through this next part)

Bruce's helping his boyfriend with work on their shared vacation..