Useless Lesbian Vampire

pirates of the caribbean really introduced an eldritch octopus man who kills indiscriminately and torments the dead as their poster villain and then you watch the movies and it's like, "oh no, actually the worst villain in this series is a small white british man who functions as the herald of capitalism" and that was very very brave of them

#here is a man so heartless he has literally cut his own heart out of his chest #but he's still not as evil as the fucking east india trading company

Me, refusing to leave tumblr: sir, this is my emotional support hellsite

“Me, refusing to leave: sir, this is my emotional hell” is a funnier text post than my original one, good job censorbot.

hello, future tumblr! this is what we thought was funny in december 2018.

We still think it’s funny in December 2019

We still think it’s funny in December 2020

We still think it’s funny in December 2021

I have a feeling we’ll still think it’s funny in December 2022

Yeah it’s still funny

Still funny in December 2023

Somehow, it’s still funny in December 2024

Why is everyone on this post dead?

her voice was as silky as silken tofu. but her words were as firm as extra firm tofu

clocking in for another day at the i dont wanna factory

Whenever I lose faith in humanity, I remember these four lovely folks and feel a little better 🥺

Adult realization: you will make mistakes, you will act irrationally. You will commit some wrongs that cannot be fully righted. People will dislike you and misunderstand you for all sorts of reasons. None of these make you a bad person. All you can do is try your best to be kind and just to people, grow and learn.

in addition: Trying to avoid ever doing these things will cost you in ways you cannot comprehend until you stop and accept this.

Redemption