DISRESPECT YOUR SURROUNDINGS.

'being single sucks because youll be lonely' lame and untrue. 'being single sucks because a lot of groceries are portioned to make food for more than one person and you cant really take advantage of buying in bulk because it'll go bad before you use it all' this i cannot deny.

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

job interviewer: (reading the room) would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for a pizza party?

Imagine the level of whimsy I could reach if I just had $5M in my bank account rn

We laugh at environmental media from the 80s like the villains in captain planet, but we forget that the people making that shit literally would have lived through such terrible air quality

does anyone know where my more or my delicious is?

I love gay people theres a guy in my neighborhood who named his one singular dog “simon and garfunkel”

Two days ago my husband said "...and he was pissed" and I said "don't say that around the kids!" so he corrected himself to "and he was liquid angry" and I've been laughing since

WARNING do NOT start reading books and comics or watching movies or looking at art!!! you will start wanting to create art yourself. or god forbid. writing.

i fear we are never making it out of this alive because the greater collective of the human race is still struggling with "maybe we shouldn't openly and explicitly hate women" and the thought of managing to get to "maybe we should actually like and respect women" anywhere in my lifetime feels about as attainable as everyone spontaneously learning to fly

Christian babies have so far not found a purpose or use outside of baseball