Squawk

Still love Ghoap nd everyone, just don't have ideas to write currently

Will get back to it, eventually

He fucks up the first few tries, gets frustrated and takes a break, before trying again. After multiple tires, he figures out how he should hold his hand and how slow to go, so that's at least something. It takes a few more days of practice before he gets something he actually feels looks good. He does not take it off when going around base afterwards, cuz he spent a lot of effort of it and ain't no fucking way he's letting his hard work go to waste. Most don't notice it, only that his eyes seem to pop a bit more, but Simon clocks it instantly and that man is gripping the table, so much it creaks a little under his grip.

They're both friends of Gaz, but they've never met before. They don't really notice each other at first either, the ceremony and first congratulations taking priority and the majority of their attention. And after that food takes the top spot. But after? The moment the music starts playing and the couple dance they're first dance, Simon can't help but notice a very handsome gentleman, with dark brown hair and blue eyes, wearing a kilt and looking ridiculously hot. Johnny can't keep his eyes off the tall, blond and visibly deathly bloke, who looks like he could crush Johnny's head with ease, either with his thighs or biceps (now that's a thought Johnny will be visiting later) once Simon appears in his sights. Johnny, after a couple of glasses of wine and a few dances to work up the courage (and show off for the blonde beauty) finally asks Simon to dance, only to buffer when the man actually looks at him. Johnny can't get a word out, which amuses Simon greatly, but given he'd been staring just as hard the entire night, he'd take pity on the bloke. With a slow tilt of the head towards the dance floor and a raised eyebrow, Johnny can't nod his head fast enough, before remembering his manners. After clearing his throat and offering his hand to Simon, they both finally get a dance.

On days Simon gets too stuck in his head, he feels scared to touch Johnny. His hands feel dirty with all the blood on them, how could he dare to touch Johnny? To infect him with the rot Simon is so sure is inside of him, when Johnny is... everything. The sun, the stars, the moon, Simon's whole world.

How could he taint Johnny, when his Johnny deserves only the very best, good things in this world?

On these days, he keeps away from Johnny, thinking he's doing the man a favour.

In reality, he's driving the man up the wall. What do you mean Johnny can't touch his insanely hot and incredibly sweet boyfriend, who is so good and a sun in his own right, who makes Johnny's world better by just existing?

Johnny's aware of Simon's bad days, he never thinks less of Simon on those days, but it hurts to have the man he loves think so low of himself, to deny himself the comfort Johnny would willingly give every second of the day.

But Johnny also knows Simon needs space then. That clinging to him would only result in Simon feeling even more guilty than he already did. So instead Johnny shows his affections in other ways.

Just existing around Simon, not touching him even if he desperately wants to. Offering snacks he knows Simon likes. Making him a cup of his favourite tea and rambling on about his day, knowing his voice soothes the thoughts in Simon's head, along with the ache in his heart.

It takes time, but Johnny would spend forever if it meant his Simon would come back to him, willingly and happily, laying next to him and clutching him as tightly as he could, Johnny holding on just as strong.

There are bad days, but Johnny would never leave Simon's side. He'd give space and as much time as Simon needed, but he would never ever leave his heart alone.

And Simon, even when he sometimes forgets it, remembers just how much he is loved, how much he matters to those around him and how much good is inside of him. Because how could there not be, if Johnny looks at him as if he'd hung the moon and stars, when he holds him so tightly you'd think him to be the centre of Johnny's world, his everything?

If Simon doesn't ask and Johnny notices his spook is not feeling all that great, he helps in subtle ways Simon won't notice. Like getting him an extra serving of whatever he liked that the cafeteria currently had. Or getting him some of his favourite snacks from the shop near base. Or yapping to help Simon get his mind off things. Small things Simon won't label as comfort, but which definitely make him feel just a bit better.

That means texting Johnny, Kyle or Price at three a.m with some random fucking thing because he felt sad and knew he should talk to someone. He doesn't know nor exactly want to talk about it, but he wants to talk.

So he sends random ass things to his friends and is delighted when they all text him back, some earlier than others (Johnny has his phone notifications on just for Simon, no Simon does not know, yes Johnny loves Simon a lot and wants to be there for him whenever Simon needs him to.) (Kyle is an insomniac, you can't change my mind.) (Price answers in the morning, a few minutes after he wakes up.)

(They're happy that Simon trusts them enough to reach out some way when he doesn't feel good.)