An Scrapbook

Today's animal of the day is the Blunt-Headed Tree Snake (Imantodes cenchoa)!

Photo credit: Geoff Gallice

Also known as the fiddle-string snake, this species of arboreal snake can be found in the tropical rainforests of Mexico as well as both Central and South America. They can reach a maximum size of 4 ft 11 in long and are known for their long, slender bodies with comically large heads. Their eyes are also incredibly large compared to the rest of their bodies, and take up nearly 26% of their total head space. While this might look really goofy, it actually helps improve their vision significantly compared to other species of snakes, which are known for having very poor eyesight. Most other snakes rely mostly on their sense of smell as well as vibrations to detect predators and prey, but since the blunt-headed tree snake needs to be able to clearly see the branches of the trees it's climbing, they need to have better vision than the average snake. The slitted shape of its pupil even allows it to look down without moving its entire head, which most snakes are unable to do.

Photo credit: Max Hofmann

Blund-headed tree snakes are active mostly at night, which is another reason they need good eyesight, and will forage through the vegetation in search of prey. Their diet consists mostly of lizards, but they'll also often go after frogs and have been known to eat eggs when the opportunity presents itself. Females tend to be larger than males, meaning that they can take on larger prey. Size isn't the only difference between the sexes. In fact, the populations in the north and south actually seem to exhibit two very different types of sexual dimorphism. Northern males tend to have longer tails than southern males and both types of females, while southern females tend to have much larger heads.

Photo credit: Laurent Hesemans

Welcome to a well-lubricated Wet Beast Wednesday. Today's topic is the butt of jokes for its unfortunate name. I'm going to show you that there's more than just jokes to the slippery dick. I am going to make jokes, though. I can't just let a chance to use this kind of innuendo pass. And if the jokes don't land my excuse is that I'm sleep deprived and writing this while hiding from a tornado.

(Image: a male slippery dick. It is a torpedo-shaped fish with a green body. Two broad and indistint stripes run down the body and it has may pink lines on the face. End ID)

The slippery dick (Halichoeres bivittatus) is also known as the sand reef wrasse, but that's lame. Why would you call it something boring when you could call it a slippery dick? Anyway, the slimy shlong is a type of wrasse, a widespread family of mostly tropical fish with some interesting biology. They grow up to 35 cm (14 in) and have three distinct color patters called phases based on what part of the life cycle they are in. The juvenile phase is seen in juvenile fish. In this stage, they are mostly white, with two dark stripes running down the body, though they can be darker colors as well. The initial phase is seen in adult females. They are still mostly white, but with a pink tinge and their lines are different colors. There is quite a bit of variation between individuals. The terminal phase is seen in adult males. They are green, with broad, brown to orange stripes and pink lines of the face and fins. The slippery dick gets its name from a coating of mucus it secretes that helps it slip away from predators.

(Image: a female slippery dick. It has the same body shape as the male, but is mostly white with a black line and a yellow line. There's some pink shading on the top. End ID)

The lubricated dong is found in shallow, coastal waters on the east coast of the Americas, from the southern USA to northern Brazil and throughout the Gulf of Mexico, Bahamas, Caribbean, and Bermuda. They prefer sandy or rocky bottoms and are often found around coral reefs. Gooey growers are predators who feed on smaller fish, worms, urchins, crabs, and snails and slugs. They are also hunted by larger fish, sharks, and other predators. Hunting primarily takes place at the bottom or around coral heads and juveniles spend more time in simpler terrain (such as sand) while adult hunt more in complex terrain. They are also known to act as cleaner fish for larger animals. Cleaner fish will eat parasites and dead skin off of larger animals and in return will not be eaten while they are cleaning. Slippery dicks are described as curious (probing, even) and not shy. They move often and rarely rest. Male slippery dicks are territorial and solitary while juveniles and females are social and will form schools with each other and other species of wrasse.

(Image: a male slippery dick facing the camera with a mouth full something that might be a brittle star. A female is next to him. End ID)

As with many wrasses, the slimed-up cock is a protogynous sequential hermaphrodite. Sequential hermaphrodite means they can change sex during their life and protogynous means they start as females. All slippery dicks are born as females and the largest ones can transform into males with a process that takes about 4 weeks to finish. The change is triggered by a low male population and by size, with only fish above 30 cm changing. Slippery dicks mate in summer during the day and prefer to be in direct sunlight. During mating season, the males form leks, territories where they will display for females. The display takes the form of a dance where the male attempts to display his prowess and fitness as a mate. Males will fight over leks and mates. When a female chooses a male, they will mate. While it would make me giggle like a 4th grader to say the male puts his slippery dick in her wrasse hole, the mating is actually external, as with most fish. The two will swim side by side over the reef and release their gametes. Sometimes another male will attempt to butt into the the mating and release his own sperm. Fertilized eggs are buoyant and drift in the current before hatching in about a day. The lifespan of a slippery dick is unknown.

(Image: a juvenile slippery dick. It has the same body shape as the adult but with an almost all-white body. One of its lines is clearly visible, the other is faded. End ID)

Gooey girths are classified as least concern by the IUCN, meaning they are not in danger of extinction. They are abundant in their ranger, but as they rely on coral reefs to some extend, damage to reefs is a threat to them. That means that pollution, global warming, and ocean acidification are threats to them. Frictionless frankfurters are not commercially fished and are rare in the pet trade. I don't know if they're edible, but I'm positive someone, somewhere, has tried to eat a dick.

BODY

SOMETHING

*inhale* THAT I CAN’T EXPLAIN ᴵᴹ ᴳᴼᴺᴺᴬ ˢᵀᴬᴿᵀ ᶠᴿᴼᴹ ᵀᴴᴱ ᵀᴼᴾ

Agent Miles (ahuhuhuh)

Agent

MULDER

I AM STANDING HERE IN

The rain

AND

2. The mud

LOOKING AT TWO COFFINS THAT WE—AGENT MULDER I AM STANDING OUT HERE IN

The rain

AND

The mud

AND

The rain

ᵃⁿᵈ…ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵒʳᶜᵉ ˢᵘᵐᵐᵒⁿᵉᵈ ᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵃ… ⁿᵉᵇᵇᶦⁿ’ˢ ᵇᵒᵈʸ (nemmin’s body) ⁿᵉᵐᵐᶦⁿ’ˢ ᵇᵒᵈʸ

AND THE FORCE SUMMONED TERESA NEMMIN’S BODY………………INTO THE WOODS TONIGHT

⁽ⁿᵒ, ᵍᵒ ᵃᵍᵃᶦⁿ, ᵍᵒ ᵃᵍᵃᶦⁿ⁾

AND TERESA NEMMIN’S AND THE PUH-

AND THE FORCE…..IT

Summoned

TERESA NEMMINS,,,,

INTO,,,,,

the woods tonight

So the Galapagos Islands off the coast of Ecuador are home to some of the largest tortoises in the world. Huge. Beautiful. Iconic.

What I didn't realize is that, just like Darwin's finches all adapted unique beaks for conditions on the different Galapagos Islands, different islands have their own unique variety of giant tortoise!

But bad news for tortoises, in the 1700s-1800s whalers and other sailing ships would stop in and grab as many tortoises as they could carry as portable snacks bc the tortoises can live a few months without eating, so they make good fresh meat in a long voyage??? And it turns out if you keep doing this, even if you start out with 20k tortoises on an island, eventually you run out.

So on Pinta Island, for example, everyone thought their tortoises were extinct bc no one saw any after the early 20th century, but surprise! Out of nowhere in 1971, a big beautiful boy appears!

Enter Lonesome George. Look at that neck!!!! He's the only Pinta Island Tortoise in the world and scientists and conservation experts are scrambling to figure out what to do! We thought they were extinct but now there's just One More???

So everyone's studying him and trying to get him a girlfriend and hoping somehow we can have a miracle and try to bring back this tortoise from the razor's edge of extinction.

Unfortunately, George never had offspring. He passed away in 2012, and the Pinta Island Tortoise was once again declared extinct. He was already full grown when he was discovered, so he could have been anywhere from 80-120 years old.

So this is the low point in the story. No tortoises, no chance. Until!!!!!!! 2015! Down on Isabela Island, near Wolf Volcano. What sort of tortoises are these? They have these crazy hump shells, not like the native Isabela Tortoises should have....

Turns out!!!!! There's a bunch of hybrid tortoises down here, but they have a ton of features and genetics from our bestie the extinct Pinta Island Tortoise!! We know from historical records that sometimes sailors would pick up tortoises on one island and drop them off on another.

So then it's like,, can we breed these descendant tortoises to get more Pinta features and reintroduce them to the right island ??

On Wolf Island, more out-of-place hybrid tortoises have been spotted! (This is... early 2000s?) These ones look distinctly like the Very Incredibly Extinct tortoises from Floreana Island

We're talking, like, some of the most recent sightings of these Floreana Tortoises in the wild being recorded by Charles Darwin in the 1830s. We're talking more than 180 years of extinction. And there's little tortoises with the same shell shapes and features wandering around way over on Wolf Island!!!

Again. Sometimes old-timey sailors would drop off tortoises in weird places. But like!!!! These hybrid tortoises are descended from the Floreana lineage!! No one has seen these suckers in two centuries and their little descendants are still alive and kicking!

Now, Floreana Island,,, got put through the wringer. Ecologically, it was just a mess. We're talking a bajillion invasive species, species going extinct left and right. It was one of the most frequented islands by whalers back in the day, and it's taken decades of hard work to even begin to undo the damage. There's a reason the Floreana Tortoises went extinct, that's all I'm saying.

But so now we have these Floreana lineage tortoises (not pure Floreana Tortoises blood, that's gone now, but very close!) and we've got a Floreana Island that's been cleaned up and a whole team of ecologists who are very, very excited.

It's going to take a lot of planning to reintroduce these tortoises, though. We've got 15 of these Floreana lineage tortoises who still have a mix of traits, we want to end up with thousands of tortoises, and we can't just stick tortoises back on Floreana yet bc the invasive rats, feral cats, dogs, etc all love eating baby tortoises and tortoise eggs

So thus begins a decades-long project to raise sturdy tortoises with as many Floreana traits as possible and get them big enough to safely release onto an island that's still trying to get its rat problem under control.

All of this culminating in the release of 158 tortoises (aged 12-14, so they're all big enough to stay safe) on February 20th, 2025

After nearly 200 years without any tortoises on the island, Floreana had its tortoises back!

The young tortoises, each weighing between 30-50 pounds, had to be carried to the release site on foot by park rangers and volunteers. (link to video)

So much work went into preparing for this day, and this isn't the finish line! The Galapagos Conservation Trust plans to release hundreds more tortoises in the coming years, and to continue efforts to rebuild the ecosystem! Other native animals are making a comeback, like the Galapagos Rail, a bird who hasn't been seen in 190 years! We thought it was extinct!!! But as the island recovered they've reappeared!

There's so much thought that's gone into releasing these tortoises. They released them in February to take full advantage of the rainy season. The long term plan to handle the rats is timed to wrap up in the next 12 years before the new Floreana Tortoises are old enough to lay eggs. This is such a huge win for conservation in general and Galapagos conservation in particular!!!! This is groundbreaking, and it happened 12 days ago.

So for today, there's no Pinta Island Tortoises on Pinta Island. They're still extinct, and Lonesome George was the last pure-blooded Pinta Island Tortoise.

But two weeks ago there weren't any Floreana lineage tortoises on Floreana Island either. Things will never be exactly the same as before, but the ecosystem and the birds and the grasslands are going to love those tortoises. Recovery takes time, and nature is incredible at bouncing back, especially when people are willing to help move things along.

I really do believe that one day, Pinta Island will have charming, long-necked and bowed-backed giant tortoises again. I feel so grateful to live in a world of amazing creatures, and amazing people who dedicate decades to helping them.

all of which is preface to me being kind of a mean little hater and saying that some romance novels have this very distinctive style that I call Heckin Valid that's soooo annoying because you can Tell the authors are coming from a place of really well-meaning but pretty shallow 2010s internet-style #diversity rhetoric. some of the hallmarks of Heckin Valid style, to me, include:

main characters have Identities that they often feel the need to mention often and frequently Explain, even in their own internal narration.

there is often a Trans Friend. if the Trans Friend cannot be readily identified by using they/them pronouns, their trans status will either be dropped gracelessly in the narration OR the Trans Friend will verbally identify as such by saying something akin to "now, speaking as your Trans Friend..."

this may also be done with a Fat Friend. the Fat Friend is almost universally a woman, and it will always be emphasized that she is Very Beautiful because it is important to remember that fat women can be hot.

the narration is very invested in identifying the racial identity of every non-white character, regardless of how minor they are.

before engaging in sex the main couple will dutifully report to each other that they have both recently gotten tested for STIs and do not have any.

The worst part is the movie goes on for weeks but never finishes.

Check out the bonus panel on the site.

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