do you wanna be my best friend?

you hear the sound of a baby crying, with the doppler effect, and then it's gone. you whip your head around, searching, confused, but you're alone at home at night. it never happens again.

A famous baseball player has just made millions, but can they live with their decision?

Have you tried printing it in A4

New mission to just fuck up everyone's bookshelves by selling them books that absolutely will not fit

The books already barely fit. Clearly blatantly not fitting at all might almost be an improvement, as libraries would be forced to sit it out on a table instead of putting it on a shelf. Then everyone walking by would be all "my god what is that thing" and then, because they are the type of person who goes to the library, take it home with them.

I should print them in scroll form. Just one huge fuckoff scroll.

This is the kind of thing you'd find in an Evil Library

#jurgen leitner ass books

I know that when a recipe says like “easy one-pan quesadilla” or whatever and then tells you to put the filling in a bowl and wash your hot pan before using it again that’s because the target audience is people who only have one pan but I have so many pans for so many different purposes and whenever I see such a direction I get irrationally angry. You’re lying to me. This is a two-pan recipe with a burnt finger intermission

You're telling me CHRIS FLEMMING is in widow's bay and NO ONE told me?!

The most basic, intractable fact about mental illnesses is that you simply cannot willpower your way out of them. The only exceptions to this rule are the ones I have, which continue to disable me due to lack of determination and other grave personal flaws

if you're not allowed to leave your partner then it doesn't count as cheating 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ and if your partner decides that talking to anyone else but them is cheating then nothing at all counts as cheating! :D

they're selling anti-ai slogans on sweatshop-produced t-shirts. i don't need to write the poem for you to get it do i

I DO relate to the OP, but in a tongue-in-cheek way, which is how I take it. It's self-depreciatingly funny when it turns out you *were* being too contrary, this time.

did you google how to take a screen shot

sex is a distraction from your true purpose in life which is to go to the aquarium and look at the fish and go "wooooooaaah.... fishies". cmon guys we all need to lock in.

no longer looking for hookups. now looking for women to go to the aquarium and go "wooooooaaah.... fishies" with me

writing is just sitting in front of a computer and making up problems for imaginary people while ignoring your own. fun and casual hobby.