Welcome to Wonderland

JAR (Joel Arthur Rosenthal) sheep head hair clip

“Do you know why I pulled you over?” is a trap. It means there’s a good chance the officer doesn’t actually have a good reason to ticket you, and is trying to get you to waive your 5th Amendment rights and incriminate yourself. If you make a guess, that’s a confession of guilt.

I had a cop try to claim I’d turned left on red on an unprotected light while texting and that was why I got T-boned.

I had my dad drive me through the intersection where I got hit and took photos of the (very much protected) light, then got them printed.

When the judge asked me to plead I said not guilty and that I’d like to present evidence, if I could come up to the bench. He agreed.

I walked up, set down my photos, put my flip phone on top of them, and said “Your Honor, I’ll plead guilty as soon as the officer can explain how I was texting on this.”

(Note for younger folks, this was 2010. Some flip phones and phone plans supported texting. Mine was not one of them.)

The whole ticket was a lie. I was in fact considered at fault for the wreck–if you’re turning left in Arizona you’re automatically at fault–but the ticket was dismissed because it was a protected light and I had a phone that physically could not text.

Cops lie on tickets. All the time.

The Rodeo Rule: you only have to do it for the first time once.

The Rohan Rule: if you are at a social function full of new people and you want to be liked, find someone doing important work like setup or food prep and offer to help.

The Tutorial Mode Rule: to navigate an unfamiliar situation where you fear you will mess up an interaction, preface the interaction by mentioning that you've never done this before, and let them know if you have a specific concern or question.

The Rocket Science Rule: most new things you want to try seem very complicated but are simple when taken step by step.

The [X] Will Remember That Rule: if you need to make small talk with the same person on a regular basis, try to save one fact or current event in their life from a given conversation and bring it up next time you talk.

His response: "No, it's my name now."

I went to the pharmacist yesterday, his nametag is my deadname. He informed me he's immigrating and in the process he's changed his first name to my deadname to have an English sounding name. That's why he's now able to get a reprint of his nametag to be my deadname. And repeated, with the intense seriousness of someone who is going to die on this hill: "It's mine now. Not yours. I'm taking." His tone indicated that decision is final.