WorseNameThanYou

scientists are experimenting on cross-breeding a crab and a cheetah; things could go sideways real fast

I am deleting this app off my phone

Oh I’m so sleepy… won’t you use !tuck to tuck me into bed?

!cursedoak

did anyone else have terrible dreams about a gnarled, twisted forest with one tree more terrible and hateful than all the rest

i've died on smaller hills, so i can't judge. but i do think it's funny whenever posts about the proper definition of a poor little meow meow circulate, considering none of them mention that the origin was a kpop fan's absolutely bonkers tweet about not being able to protect a full grown man who was getting backlash for including audio from the jonestown cult leader jim jones in one of his songs

I was clearly not at the devils sacrament what the fuck

Amazing moments in Dads: my friend’s dad’s critique of Frankenstein was, “I just don’t think the author had read science fiction before.”

this is prime proof that this ENTIRE WEBSITE is autistic because nowhere else would a no tags post that's just an informative list about slang get this much traction.

a party of adventurers that are all equally convinced that they are in completely different forms of media

the mage keeps giving smug glances in the direction they assume a camera is in. the fighter keeps getting indignant about missing attacks because of "bad dice rolls." the rogue is doubtful that a villain is gone for good because "nobody ever stays dead in comics." the paladin attributes fortune to "good rng." none of them have even considered that "tumblr post" was an option

ah shit they're gaining on us. we gotta jettison some weight. throw all those stolen boomerangs out we don't need em

On it, boss!

Bad news, boss!

nobody numa numas like they used to

(wistfully) mai-ia-hee... mai-ia- hoo....

#the goohickey they assplatsinated squidzo abe with @annoyingclownery you're so right

fun fact about me: When I was 6 years old I sent so much hate mail to the president (the second Bush) that the mail carrier had to tell my mom I needed to stop before we got FBI’d

I was COMPLETELY unaware of the US political scene or why the adults in my life hated Bush, but I knew I hated him because he let people shoot wolves from helicopters and that’s mean and shitty

I also had a poor grasp on how stamps worked, so given that I wasn’t allowed to continually throw money away by putting stamps on my presidential hate mail, a lot of the times I just drew squares with little pictures inside on the corner.

HOW IS MY SISTER STRAIGHT UP CARRYING A GUZHENG?????