Having experienced a lot of it in my 20s, I think some of the worst, pettiest, most straight up this-is-just-bullying-you're-passing-off-as-praxis incidences of Queer Infighting endemic to young people can be best understood as attempts to exercise power by people with very little power.
Like you're 22, you're queer, you've just become a Marxist, the scope of World Suck is overwhelming and you have $30 in your bank account. What can you do to feel like you have any power? Well, you can try to get your frenemy cancelled for cosplaying a character from a problematic show. You can write a public callout post over someone's obviously friendly use of a slur you don't think they technically have the right to reclaim. Doing this stuff can make you feel like you have power and your actions have an impact. Unfortunately the impact in question is a negative impact on other marginalized people. But that often takes some maturity and self-reflection to notice.
I'm reminded of this post from 2017. To paraphrase, OP took part in community service via their university and part of that was cleaning the bathrooms at the local homeless community centre, which would frequently get trashed, not because the homeless people using them disrespected the work of the people cleaning them but because they had so little control over other things that happened in their lives, and the bathroom was something they could affect.
This, too, is a trashed bathroom; young queer people living through hell and having precious little control over their circumstances or the world in which they exist can affect something by using the language of social justice as a cudgel on their would-be allies, as well as getting a brief feeling of power over someone else by doing it.
It's not worth it. Don't trash your community bathrooms.
Sorry for the incoming ramble but this reminds me of the topic that was almost my thesis for my honors graduating project but people told me it was âunrealisticâ
People lash out at low hanging fruit. Everyone is hurt, everyone is stressed and afraid. Especially those in marginalized and oppressed groups with very little freedom or expression of identity. These people are upset, hurt and scared and rightfully so but often times when trying to combat or fight back against these feelings they lash out at the only thing available to them. Their own community.
Most marginalized people will never have a chance to come face to face with the people causing their suffering and certainly never get anything close to âretributionâ. It just doesnât work like that. Power structures arenât set up to give the little guys many shots at the oppressors. Thatâs the point!
This imbalance leaves millions of people with a lot of hurt and resentment that they have no outlet for. Eventually, it turns back on the community. They canât stop the demolition of their rights but they can yell at someone else for a fandom ship with an inappropriate age gap. They canât make meaningful change against the climate crisis but they can yell at someone for using a straw. So on and so forth.
The average marginalized person has very few outlets and very little power. So unknowingly, they take it out on those they can reach. Each other.
It takes a lot of self awareness and powerful skills of forgiveness to fight this instinct but itâs so damn important to remember that the enemy is not each other. Itâs rich assholes who are willing to see innocent people suffer and die to line their own pockets. Donât lose that focus, donât swing for the low hanging fruit.
