hi i reblog stuff

and i will make everything romantic because it is

Knocked up my workplace with my 40 hour long week and it gave birth to a beautiful baby paycheck

now that you mention it, it’s dawned on me suddenly and for no obvious reason that i can’t go on living as i am

Yes, your dentist can absolutely tell if you masturbated at home before your appointment. And in fact, a shower and change of clothes does little to hide this. The best step forward is to apologize to your dentist for masturbating.

- mockup of results from my new search engine called "Google OCD"

okay. breathe. listen to my voice. can you tell me five things in this room you can fuck?

okay great. now list me four things in this room you can kill.

beautiful. there you go. okay. now: tell me three things you can impose unjust taxes on.

almost done. can you list two things you could shove in a pipe and smoke?

last one: one thing you could use as a makeshift weapon?

why are you still crying

if you're having trouble sleeping the best you can do is put a bright object close to your face and look at it for at least 30 minutes. if that doesn't work you can close your eyes but make sure to think really hard about a bunch of bullshit

mcqueen

im begging of you please dont take my man

sex is some naked bullshit and food is some crap they found on the ground but online poker is forever

People have been saying stuff for years at this point

the real moral lesson in chess is that you can only move forwards 5-6 times in your life before you're turned into a beautiful queen but also rarely you might be turned into a horse