god I would be UNSTOPPABLE if I was capable of consistently initiating tasks. just you wait. you'll be waiting a while but just you wait

white ppl with small dogs will go places u never thought possible

just saw a sign on the side of the road that said “you misunderstood: bring back my lawnmower” that six word story goes crazy

It is a common error that many faiths believe the souls of the dead depart this plane of existence for some mythical heaven or hell. In fact, the souls of the dead go to UDFj-39546284, a high-redshift Lyman break galaxy in the constellation Fornax, about 32.7 billion light years away. When asked why the dead from across the universe should all be converging on this one faint galaxy, NASA astrophysicists said “it’s like an eel thing,” and refused to elaborate further.

please, untitled document was my father, call me untitled document (1)

You dumb motherfucker life isn't about smelling flowers or feeling radiant sunshine on your skin or making meals with your loved ones. You idiot son of a bitch. It's about apps. It's about scrolling through apps.

I procrastinate so much that I have a gaping hole of dread inside my chest where I think my other emotions are supposed to go. unless a potential employer is reading this, in which case I don’t do that & I have all the normal emotions that human beings have & I love capitalism

one of the many victims of streaming is the dvd homepage where they included lil games, bloopers, director commentary, and behind the scenes. I miss u gurl