affirmations they will not kill me at work today. it is not in my job description to get killed. if they did kill me at work that would be weird and probably not worth it for them

happy pride month to this post specifically

You try to finger my hateful pussy and my clit bites you like a snapping turtle

She gave me what she called a “spiderjob” which freaked me & everyone else out

Ngl I totally forgot fandom discourse was a thing. I don’t care man, I have car payments

the way trump is talking abt hillary makes him sound like a scorned lover lmao what if monica wasn’t bill’s only side bitch??

you gotta be fucking kidding me

Im probably never going to get to blow up a gas station before I die

idk who needs to hear this but if you have been putting something off bc it doesn't need to be done until the end of the month. we are almost done with the teens we are approaching the big numbers (the twenties). that date shall dawn upon you swiftly and without mercy before you know it. psa for everyone except me i got plany off time

hey babe im gonna be home late tonight do you mind picking up dinner. yeah sorry the king has us working over time, some fuckin egghead sat on the wall and had a GREAT fall. we've got all the men working on this but idk if we're gonna be able to put him back together again. yeah we've tried the horses. ok bye love you.