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mozzarella and parmesan is kind of like the age gap yuri of cheese

Do you wanna play mermaids? Yay. Okay so my tail is light blue and I have ice powers. And I live in the Arctic sea and watch British sailors die horrible deaths while trying to find the Northwest Passage.

i feel as though i’ve done a terrible deed

YOU’RE FUCKING WITH HIS CORPSE?????

Hi, my name is James Webbony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Space Telescope and I am a telescope in space (that's how I got my name) and I have a five-layer aluminum-coated Kapton sunshield protecting my instruments and gold-coated hexagonal primary mirror segments like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Lady Gaga (AN: if you don't know who she is, get the hell out of here!). I'm not related to the Hubble Space Telescope, but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm an infrared telescope but I am much larger than Spitzer. I have 18 primary mirror segments. I also study exoplanets, and I go to a telescope school in L2 where I'm in orbit (I was launched in 2021). I can see distant galaxies (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly gold. I love space, and I take all my photos there. For example, today I was taking a photo of the Cartwheel Galaxy, which is about 500 million light years away. I was using my NIRcam, NIRspec, MIRI, and FGS-NIRISS. I was walking outside L2. It was around 1 million miles away from Earth and there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I unfolded my primary mirrors at them.

everyone wants masc carpenter trade until his rough calloused handjob sands your thing down small and smooth as a river stone

i'm gonna be annoying and weird and off-putting for ever i fear

video game with a flaccid -> boner meter in the ui but the whole game it never changes at all and nothing makes the boner meter go up so youre jusg aware of the protags flaccid penis the whole time for no good reason

to be clear in my thinking this would only work in a completely nonsexual game, of course it Could have a function in some sort of porn game depending on the sorta porn youre going for but thats not really my idea here. this concept only works to me if its completely useless and unrelated & the protag isnt even sexualized even a little bit, otherwise i think it loses its charm. you just have to know about their penis and you have to wonder why the entire game and you have to try and figure that out until you realize theres no reason and youre just aware of their penis because the dev is probably fucked in the head or something like that. and then by that point youve reached the highest level of connection possible with a game developer aside from maybe ambushing them from behind and drinking all their blood until they die. and thats how we fix the gaming industry

Hi I'm so sorry I don't mean to embarass you but I think your headphones fell out of your phone, it must have happened at the bus stop, your phone has just been playing out loud in your hand this whole time and you didn't notice. So sorry, you must be so embarrassed, really I wouldn't have said anything but I know I'd be mortified if that happened to me and I didn't notice until I got home or something. I'd be so self conscious, can you imagine people thinking you were being disruptive and obnoxious on purpose. Haha yeah no worries have a great day

video game with a flaccid -> boner meter in the ui but the whole game it never changes at all and nothing makes the boner meter go up so youre jusg aware of the protags flaccid penis the whole time for no good reason

to be clear in my thinking this would only work in a completely nonsexual game, of course it Could have a function in some sort of porn game depending on the sorta porn youre going for but thats not really my idea here. this concept only works to me if its completely useless and unrelated & the protag isnt even sexualized even a little bit, otherwise i think it loses its charm. you just have to know about their penis and you have to wonder why the entire game and you have to try and figure that out until you realize theres no reason and youre just aware of their penis because the dev is probably fucked in the head or something like that. and then by that point youve reached the highest level of connection possible with a game developer aside from maybe ambushing them from behind and drinking all their blood until they die. and thats how we fix the gaming industry

Chris pine needs to get into some real pervert cinema. He has the screen energy of a guy who bleeds and sweats and drools and fucks but he’s always turning up in these plastic sexless normie movies that can’t make good use of him. What’s up with that

just typed SEX into google!!

Every protein bar is called something like "double chocolate indulgence caramel cookie dough delight crunch" and tastes like clay and sawdust

My scorching hot take on Christopher Nolan Presents Homer's The Odyssey is Tom Holland having his mind blown while filming this, then going back to Marvel to and being all "Why did no one tell me that you can, like, have a finished script before you start filming and a cinematographer who has all the shots planned before filming instead of figuring it out in post, has anyone else heard about this?" is pretty funny

Visionary Director Christopher Nolan's controversial directing style of "telling actors what's happening in a scene when they're filming"

the kids are calling them "stone fruits." they start off small—think cherries. then they're hooked and they need a quick fix, they get peaches, maybe some nectarines. it's all they can think about. before you know it, they're trying the really hard stuff—apricots, plums. once they taste a mango there's no going back.

"bears repeating" and "time flies" are two kinds of creatures that fill similar ecological niches