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JBB: An Artblog!
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shark vs the universe
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@ktrainchoochoo
El Roomba lowcost

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This is what happens when white guys listen to Indian music
holy shit
whenever I’m feeling sad I just watch this video.
I was not expecting that level of choreography or that they would actually know the words. This is awesome.
was not expecting that handstand jfc
im crying actual tears this is sheer beauty
especially because bc im indian and indian people dance like this as well
they truly captured the essence of our culture im laughing so hard
I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE TUMBLR KNEW THAT THERE IS A PART 2
as an Indian who appreciates this kind of promotion of Daler Mehndi’s “tunak tunak tun”, i have to reblog this
My favorite thing about Tumblr glitches is that they’re never mundane enough to be forgotten about they ALWAYS hit everyone at once and they’re always weird shit like “the buttons stopped working,” or “the note counter disappeared for some fucking reason,” or
These tailless viruses aren't easily picked up by common tests.
Scientists have discovered a previously unknown family of viruses that dominate the ocean and can’t be detected by standard lab tests.
You and me, we’re in a club now.

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reblog if you’d end a date if they said they voted for trump
A very excited boy
This is so pure
I’m tired of house hunters. No more white people choosing between 3 equally nice houses in the suburbs. Instead, I want a show about average millenials trying to find apartments in major cities. Give me a 25 year old trying to find somewhere habitable in NYC for $1k a month. Give me a grad student looking for a flat in San Francisco on their shoestring budget. Give me a young adult who just got a starter job in Paris and now has to figure out how to move there. Will joe choose the place with a couch for a bed, or will he go for the closet-sized crawl space? Will Kat manage to find some place in the city, or will she end up with a 2 hour commute? Will Chris go for the barely renovated warehouse or will he start sleeping in the break room at work? Find out next week on I Don’t Want to Be Homeless
i identify as a bottle of red wine smashed on the tile floor of a grocery store
Gal Gadot photographed by Mitchell Nguyen McCormack
FUCK ME WITH A CHAINSAW
Every picture of Gal Gadot makes me gayer. Jfc.

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the donald trump animatronic at disneyland’s hall of presidents looks like they made an animatronic for hillary, went “oh fuck” and stretched a hastily-made donald trump skin over hillary’s facial structure
you were probably joking but i think you may be entirely right
there’s something endlessly hilarious to me about the phrase “hotly debated” in an academic context. like i just picture a bunch of nerds at podiums & one’s like “of course there was a paleolithic bear cult in Northern Eurasia” and another one just looks him in the eye and says “i’l kill you in real life, kevin”
I heard a story once about two microbiologists at a conference who took it out into the parking lot to have a literal fistfight over taxonomy.
have i told this story yet? idk but it’s good. The Orangutan Story:
my american lit professor went to this poe conference. like to be clear this is a man who has a doctorate in being a book nerd. he reads moby dick to his four-year-old son. and poe is one of the cornerstones of american literature, right, so this should be right up his alley?
wrong. apparently poe scholars are like, advanced. there is a branch of edgar allen poe scholarship that specifically looks for coded messages based on the number of words per line and letters per word poe uses. my professor, who has a phd in american literature, realizes he is totally out of his depth. but he already committed his day to this so he thinks fuck it! and goes to a panel on racism in poe’s works, because that’s relevant to his interests.
background info: edgar allen poe was a broke white alcoholic from virginia who wrote horror in the first half of the 19th century. rule 1 of Horror Academia is that horror reflects the cultural anxieties of its time (see: my other professor’s sermon abt how zombie stories are popular when people are scared of immigrants, or that purge movie that was literally abt the election). since poe’s shit is a product of 1800s white southern culture, you can safely assume it’s at least a little about race. but the racial subtext is very open to interpretation, and scholars believe all kinds of different things about what poe says about race (if he says anything), and the poe stans get extremely tense about it.
so my professor sits down to watch this panel and within like five minutes a bunch of crusty academics get super heated about poe’s theoretical racism. because it’s academia, though, this is limited to poorly concealed passive aggression and forceful tones of inside voice. one professor is like “this isn’t even about race!” and another professor is like “this proves he’s a racist!” people are interrupting each other. tensions are rising. a panelist starts saying that poe is like writing a critique of how racist society was, and the racist stuff is there to prove that racism is stupid, and that on a metaphorical level the racist philosophy always loses—
then my professor, perhaps in a bid to prove that he too is a smart literature person, loudly calls: “BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ORANGUTAN?”
some more background: in poe’s well-known short story “the murder in the rue morgue,” two single ladies—a lovely old woman and her lovely daughter who takes care of her, aka super vulnerable and respectable people—are violently killed. the murderer turns out to be not a person, but an orangutan brought back by a sailor who went to like burma or something. and it’s pretty goddamn racially coded, like they reeeeally focus on all this stuff about coarse hairs and big hands and superhuman strength and chattering that sounds like people talking but isn’t actually. if that’s intentional, then he’s literally written an analogy about how black people are a threat to vulnerable white women, which is classic white supremacist shit. BUT if he really only meant for it to be an orangutan, then it’s a whole other metaphor about how colonialism pillages other countries and brings their wealth back to europe and that’s REALLY gonna bite them in the ass one day. klansman or komrade? it all hangs on this.
so the place goes dead fucking silent as every giant ass poe stan in the room is immediately thrust into a series of war flashbacks: the orangutan argument, violently carried out over seminar tables, in literary journals, at graduate student house parties, the spittle flying, the wine and coffee spilled, the friendships torn—the red faces and bulging veins—curses thrown and teaching posts abandoned—panels just like this one fallen into chaos—distant sirens, skies falling, the dog-eared norton critical editions slicing through the air like sabres—the textual support! o, the quotes! they gaze at this madman in numb disbelief, but he could not have known. nay, he was a literary theorist, a 17th-century man, only a visitor to their haunted land. he had never heard the whistle of the mortars overhead. he had never felt the cold earth under his cheek as he prayed for god’s deliverance. and yet he would have broken their fragile peace and brought them all back into the trenches.
much later, when my professor told this story to a poe nerd friend, the guy said the orangutan thing was a one of the biggest landmines in their field. he said it was a reliable discussion ruiner that had started so many shouting matches that some conferences had an actual ban on bringing it up.
so my professor sits there for a second, still totally clueless. then out of the dead silence, the panel moderator stands up in his tweed jacket and yells, with the raw panic of a once-broken man:
WE! DO NOT! TALK ABOUT! THE ORANGUTAN!
@posturingsimpleton
OMG
Ok that one wins
me after discreetly tasting yet another himalayan salt lamp
Anybody home?
THIS IS SO CUTE??

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technology related sensory memories from my childhood
sliding the metal cover on floppy disks
the slight resistance of inserting cassette and video tapes
ripping off the strips of holed paper off of dot matrix printer paper
rolling the wheel on a disposable camera to take another photo
The heaviness and rubber texture of the roller ball in a computer mouse, and the little ring of lint
Unkinking the curly cord of a telephone while you talked
The -peww sound and slowly fading image of a crt monitor turning off, and then running your finger through the static on the dusty glass
The crunch of opening or closing a plastic Disney vhs cover
The sound effects in kidpix
Extending and collapsing metal antennas and using them as magic wands
…God, it is so weird these things aren’t around any more. Cause it’s true, the sensations are so distinct. It’s bizarre to think about missing these tiny relics.