Gonna get there someday

Shit, they’ll pay for you to learn how to do it.

I just finished high school and got a untility job in a factory and I have almost no experience. They’re gonna train me for everything plus it has full health benefits.

All of the other guys there were great at locksmithing, but none of them were trained welders, and they needed someone who could build custom doors and frames. 

They trained him to do lock stuff too, so now he can weld AND pick locks. 

The owner of the company, when he handed out Christmas bonuses, looked at him and went “Dude we literally cannot fire you because we’d be screwed so here’s your bonus and also we’re giving you a raise.”

UPS drivers have the most interesting photos to share. 

Just in case you forget this exists.

You can browse the most popular ones or search for certain colors, themes, and even specific hex codes!

When you find one you like, you can download a wallpaper swatch of it and also select the specific colors it uses to look at more palettes that use those same ones.

Alex: Here is the Final Jeopardy answer. “This city was incorporated into the Roman Empire in 30 B.C. after the suicide of Cleopatra.” Good luck.

*Jeopardy theme plays*

Fran (loudly): Oop, dropped my earring, dropped my earring. Whoa, Nellie… Found it! Found it, found the earring.

Contestant: What’s going on?

Fran: I–I found the earring.

*Theme song ends*

Alex: Alright contestants, time’s up. Henrietta? What did you write down as your question? “What is Macedonia?” I’m sorry, that’s wrong. What was your wager? $4200, you risked it all. And that takes you all the way down to zero.

Fran: Enjoy the home game, honey. *laughs*

Alex: Well now let’s go to Stewart. His response was: “What is Cairo?” And unfortunately, he too is wrong.

*Fran snorts*

Alex: Your wager please, Stewart, was… $4199. That takes you down to $101.

Fran: Still like his tie, Stewie?

Alex: Fran?

Fran: Well, my mother and I were on our way to Israel, on El Al, and who was sitting next to us but Diana Kind (aka Barbra Streisand’s mother)? In COACH! They got a lot of unresolved issues, those two. On her way to see the pyramids in Giza.

Alex: So your response is Giza?

Fran: No, Mr. In-A-Hurry. But, talking about Streisand and Egypt reminded me of Omar Sharif, who, according to my funny girl trivia book, was not the first actor cast in the role of Nicky Arnstein, but was born in–

Alex: MISS FINE!!!

Fran (excitedly): What is Alexandria!