Pearlās anger stood in sharp contrast to the childish needling. āI know that you killed her. Everyone knows that it was your fault.ā
Cinder stared at her, the sudden change to the serious tone shook her. āThatās not true. I was never sick.ā
- Cinder, book 1 of the Lunar Chronicles
I donāt think Cinder ever really internalizes that⦠yeah, she probably killed Peony.
Like, she was right on top of the outbreak in the market. And for some reason she hides from and avoids the medical drones that show up (Scarlet does the same thing; do people not KNOW that testing for the plague takes thirty seconds and then youāre free to go??), and doesnāt get tested for the plague, and then GOES STRAIGHT HOME. Shortly thereafter, Peonyās got the plague.
At the time, she comes to the reasonable conclusion that since she doesnāt have the plague, she canāt be the one who infected Peony. There are not symptomless carriers among Earthens. But later she learns that sheās Lunar, and absolutely can be a carrier. For a moment, during the conversation about being a carrier, she even seems to accept that she probably infected Peony.
Despite this, she visits Peony in quarantine and then immediately runs her germ-carrying ass out into the public. The fact that sheās carrying the plague for a short period (hours!) doesnāt seem to even CROSS HER MIND. I mean, fuck, no wonder this world canāt get the plague under control, no one seems to have internalized germ theory in the slightest, or care if they unknowingly infect strangers.
I wish Iād taken screenshots of all these bits as I found them, but too late now, weāre relying on my memory. IIRC, thereās another scene where she doesnāt so much have personal guilt but a general Lunar guilt - āI didnāt cause the plague! Uh, well, Lunars coming to Earth did actually cause the plague, so⦠kinda?ā sorta thing.
And then thereās this scene, above, where she denies that she infected Peony - even though at this point she knows itās a serious possibility. Of course, she canāt say āYouāre right, Iām secretly a Lunar, and can carry the plague.ā But thereās no indication that she knows what sheās saying isnāt true. Sheās not denying it to keep her secret. She just seems to have let herself forget that⦠yeah, she probably infected Peony.
Itās reasonable and realistic that she would have this little mental break - sheās got a lot going on being a protagonist, and canāt get bogged down in guilt! But it is interesting that it never really gets confronted or resolved, all through the series. This mental break just lives in Cinderās head.
She probably killed her sister. She canāt have killed her sister because she wasnāt sick. She can be a symptomless carrier. She canāt have killed her sister, she wasnāt sick.
She canāt have killed her sister, she wasnāt sick.
She canāt have killed her sister, she wasnāt sick!
She canāt have killed her sister.