u know, like, nya

Happy Valentine’s Day!

your bed is probably as happy to see you as you are to see it. ‘here comes the warmth slab’ it thinks

wrong it thinks “god hope this dipshit doesnt spill beans all over me again who tf eats beans in bed”

stop reblogging this new year new me i havent spilled beans in bed ONCE this year

uh oh

It gets funnier the earlier in the year you reblog it

You should be allowed to cruise in bookstores

like if i see a tall woman in the sci fi section i should be able to brush against her to see if she wants to fuck in the back

this post is teaching tumblr gays what the term cruise means

While taking a nap today I dreamt there was a hazard sign called "never found" which was used to indicate a location where people disappeared never to be seen again

Broke: Blaming Todd Howard when something goes wrong in a Bethesda game Woke: Blaming Todd Howard when something goes wrong in ANY video game

Woke Supreme™: blaming Todd Howard when something goes wrong IRL

Bespoke: Blaming Todd Howard when things go wrong IRL In front of Actual Todd Howard

OK but aside from the funny, this is the gorilla doing its best to correct a gorilla faux pas! Gorillas don’t make eye contact except as a challenge. They avoid looking at each other directly as much as possible. So this fella just accidentally slid forward and looked the human right in the eye and went “oooooops” and turned FULLY around to go “I have no quarrel with you!”

right now on earth there’s a kindly old stray tomcat who just got adopted and he’s receiving enough food to fill his belly for the first time in his entire life and he’s so so so happy and he doesn’t even know that it’s going to be like this forever :)

RAISIN POWERED FUCK MACHINE

LOVER OF THE RUSSIAN QUEEN