xXKittKatXx

What a red flag actually means: something here is an indicator of a potential problem (but might be fine with a reasonable explanation)

What people have now decided it means: abuse

I've lost count of the number of times I've now had to read variants of "My partner takes all my money and gives me back an allowance because he says it's a man's job to control finances, but he's racking up gambling debts" being met with "Wow this man is a walking red flag" no Becky that is abuse. That is not an indicator. He is an abuser. Call the police. We have lost the concept of a proxy: a thing that indicates a more important thing. And it's relevant to this conversation because I'm actually going to go out on a limb here:

With the obvious exception of paedophilia, age gaps themselves aren't a problem at all - they are a proxy for the actual harmful phenomenon. Hea me out, let me explain

The reason we don't like age gaps is because of the implied power dynamic. If one partner, usually male, is older than other - particularly if the other is still quite young - the risk is that what we're seeing is a worldly wise predator who is exploiting the lack of life experience of a young beautiful woman by mentally abusing her until she's no longer young and pretty enough to satisfy, at which point he'll move on to the next. There have been enough examples of this in human history. It's unfortunately not an uncommon pattern. Genders can also be diverse in this scenario

We can't necessarily see that dynamic from the outside. But we CAN see an inherent element of it: the ages of the people involved. So age becomes a proxy for the abuse. And, hey, it's often correct.

But here's the thing: the ages themselves are not causing harm.

The power dynamic is. The abuse is.

Plenty of age gap relationships are loving, healthy and steadfast. Two people met and genuinely fell in love regardless of the outer packaging, and have a relationship with all the highs and lows and challenges and rewards as any more traditional pairing. This happens all the time

Is the age gap a red flag? Sure! It indicates a potential issue.

Is it inherently abusive? Absolutely fucking not.

OP is right - we need to stop focusing just on the numbers and twisting the facts to fit by infantilising the younger partners, and start focusing on the actual harms. The DiCaprio Pattern of only dating under 24s repeatedly is itself a proxy, too, actually - but a much stronger one than the simple presence of an age gap.

(Even so, in DiCaprio's case, until any of his former partners come forward and describe him as abusive, actually, even that is up in the air - my personal interpretation, given how strong a pattern it is, is that he's a loser who views women as trophies (consciously or not). If any have come forward and I don't know about it, of course, fair enough. But those women were adults capable of making their own decisions, even if they might later come to regret it. And regretting poor decisions is part of life! That's how it goes, particularly with relationships. As long as they weren't abused, there's no biggie. And just as he was looking for young-and-beautiful, there's no way they weren't, on some level, looking for rich-and-famous; it goes both ways.)

Also, another element of this: I think a lot of modern extreme puritan discourse on this is actually ironically down to the age of those taking part. Up until your late 20s, ten years is actually a huge span of time to you, because in your own life you were in a completely different developmental phase ten years ago (teenager), and a completely different phase again ten years before that (child). That skews your sense of what a ten-year gap means. Whereas once you're in your 30s and beyond, ten years is like. Yeah I was an adult ten years ago, and I still am now. That's two adults. Who cares.

In the episode 72 hours, we find out Rose may have contracted AIDs during an emergency gallbladder surgery.

Rose: Why me, Blanche? I'm tired of pretending I feel okay so you won't say, 'Take it easy', and I'm tired of you saying 'Take it easy' because you're afraid I'm going to fall apart. Dammit, why is this happening to me? I mean, this isn't supposed to happen to people like me. You must've gone to bed with hundreds of men. All I had was one innocent operation. Blanche: Hey, wait a minute! Are you saying this should be me and not you? Rose: No! No, I'm just saying that I am a good person. Hell, I'm a goody-two-shoes! Blanche: AIDS is not a bad person's disease, Rose, it is not God punishin' people for their sins!

In Isn't it romantic? we find out Dorothy's childhood best friend is a lesbian who recently lost her partner. She confesses she has feelings for Rose. Rose turns her down but makes it clear that she still wants to be friends even though she doesn't return those feelings.

Sophia: Jean is a nice person. She happens to like girls instead of guys. Some people like cats instead of dogs.

Jean: Rose, about last night. I should never have said anything. Rose: You only said what you were feeling. Jean: It's just that this last year has been so difficult for me. Pat was the person I planned to spend the rest of my life with. And when she died, I just felt so terribly alone. Empty. I thought I could never care for anyone again. Until I met you. I just got very confused. I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable. Rose: Well, I have to admit that I don't understand these kinds of feelings. But if I did understand, if I were, you know, like you, I'd be very flattered and proud that you thought of me that way.

Ebbtide's Revenge gives us Phil's funeral, and Sophia addressing him wearing women's clothes.

Rose: So what if he was different? It's okay that you loved him. Sophia: I did love him. He was my son, my little boy. But every time I saw him I wondered what I did, what I said, when was the day I did whatever I did to make him the way he was. Angela Petrillo: What he was Sophia, was a good man.

Sister of the Bride, where Blanche's brother Clayton brings his boyfriend to town, because they're planning on getting married.

Blanche: Oh, look, I can accept the fact that he's gay, but why does he have to slip a ring on this guy's finger so the whole world will know? Sophia: Why did you marry George? Blanche: We loved each other. We wanted to make a lifetime commitment. Wanted everybody to know. Sophia: That's what Doug and Clayton want, too. Everyone wants someone to grow old with. And shouldn't everyone have that chance?

Her cool, cultured, interesting friend starts to show who she really is when she wants to take Dorothy out to a nice place... but no Jews allowed. This was not uncommon IRL. Perfectly acceptable, even.

My take on an alternate universe Ben 10 where he doesn't get the Omnitrix till he's in his mid 20s 🛸🖤⚡💚⏱️🩵🔮

Gwen's powers also manifest late due to childhood repression & Kevin is a mutant (no an alien genetics)

I also made one original alien! His alien's fighting style would be slap stick cartoon humor 🍳🐵🛸

You’d laugh if he didn’t actually look so lovely like this - a little pathetic, a little debauched, a little desperate. You trace his jaw, feeling almost sick with fondness at how he looked, before finally deciding to indulge him. “Alright, baby. But can you do something for me first?” “Ask Eddie to fuck you harder.” (Or: Volt pleads to (finally) be touched. You (finally) relent.)

a lil bit of volt pleading for his life 😌 read on ao3

—

You had always been a private person. Even after the Dateviators, even after having… dated a hundred objects, you still weren’t prone to talking about your dates with the other objects in the house. Scandalabra’s tendency to gossip had rubbed you the wrong way in the beginning.

With Eddie and Volt, it was no different. You really did feel that what you had with them was nobody else’s business, though you never minded any of the other objects eventually knowing.

And you liked that they were the same way. The privacy they seemed so desperate to protect when you first met them made you like them instantly, even before actually being with them, even before you even knew of the faulty wire.

But of course, that obsession with privacy was never true about each other.

You bound up the steps to their loft, eager to see them.

They never closed any doors in their loft above the bar, and that didn’t change when you started coming over. Volt often insisted, What is ours is all yours, too, my sweet spark. Of course, that included each other, too. Naturally.

You cross the threshold leading to their bedroom at the end of the hallway.

You hear the clear echo of a low groan a few steps away. This low melodic whine, a pleading voice in the middle of a paltry negotiation…

“Eddie, darling, please…”

C.H. Greenblatt just posted artwork by Remus Buznea and Kyriaki Kyriakou for a pitch he and Maxwell Atoms did of a Porky and Daffy series and ohhhhhhh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god

i have as of this moment 0.95 cents in my bank account i have bills due on the 10th and no money for groceries. i am absolutely fucked this month

im hopefully getting into vocational rehab soon and they might be able to help with cash assistance but there are no promises there

296/400

Venmo: Transgirlmagic

Cashapp: https://cash.app/$winterborn00

hey y'all my job put me down to 5 hours a week & i just had my wallet stolen.

as i struggle to get all my documents replaced I could really use the help with rent ($800) & bills ($400)

anything and everything helps!

૮ ◜⁠ ﻌ ◝⁠ ა ♡

kofi: link

CA: $tropscream

PP: tropscream

For one, in some cultures asking an obvious question is just a polite way of acknowledging the situation. So for example, if you just put your jacket on and start clocking out, a co-worker asking "oh, you done for the day and heading out now?" doesn't deserve you sneering at them like an idiot, scoffing, and saying "uh duh, just like I do every day at this time" when it's likely they knew the answer, but were just asking as a polite way of acknowledging the situation.

But even if they were genuinely unsure that you're leaving even though it seems obvious to you from context clues, so what? What does being rude and condescending to them achieve? Maybe they couldn't sleep last night so they're really out of it today, maybe they're dissociating, maybe they're about to pass out from low blood sugar, maybe some other employees sometimes put on their jacket and only clock out briefly but come back.

It's like how I've made posts about how it's rude to just approach someone and say "hi" then expect the other party to make the conversation happen that you initiated. If you initiated it, it's your responsibility to turn it into a real conversation. So instead of just saying "hi" and expecting the other party to make conversation, say something like "hi, I like your shirt, that's actually my favorite band!" or something with real substance that the other party can actually work with, instead of springing a conversation on someone and leaving the onus on them to keep it going.

Same goes for these kinds of bids for conversation. If you start it, it's your responsibility to give the other party something to work with. For example:

Person a: Hey, are you cooking?

Person b: Yeah, making dinner

Person a: Oh nice what are you cooking tonight?

Person b: I'm making potato soup

And from here there's actually material to grip onto. From here the conversation can launch into different types of soup, what's particularly good or awesome about potato soup, what their favorite soups are, what kind of weather they consider soup weather, you get the gist.

And if you can't tell people, if you can't talk about it, please write it down somewhere. Vent in your notes app or a journal or a crumpled piece of paper you can shove in a corner somewhere.

You're so so strong. Keep going; you'll make it through this.