after the storm again, i see a weasel

got too drunk last night and granted someone a boon

sex is a distraction from your true purpose in life which is to go to the aquarium and look at the fish and go "wooooooaaah.... fishies". cmon guys we all need to lock in.

FUCKKKKKKK what if something bad happened and I forgot to worry about it

i really don’t have the time to be the way i am

auto immune disorders happen when the immune system ignores regulatory factors and begins attacking healthy bodily tissues, due to what scientists refer to as "sheer love of the game"

puppy play but i’m some sort of endangered wolf who is sick and injured so a team of medical experts work around the clock to diagnose and fix me and they feed me an ideal diet and post photos of me on social media and everyone says “ooohhh awwwwwwww!!!!” and then i get released back to the wild because it’s the right thing to do and from then on i only occasionally show up on random trail cams and people say “yay!” and they leave me alone

we were thinking of doing something that's wrong later, if you wanted to join

can't believe the only options are 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late. if only there were some other way. but what can you do

the new viral trend is swimming in the river with an abdominal wound! take an #AbdominalWoundRiverSwim and post your results

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

You guys are always like "being crushed by 10,000 tons of rock probably feels good as hell" or "being torn to pieces by hunting dogs would low key fix me" and I feel like those things would actually be unpleasant.

How about "Drinking an ice cold strawberry milkshake probably feels good as hell". Do you guys like that one.