Sovereignty

Iim at a point where I have so many options of the table of what to do next. But I have to create them all. I guess I am at thankful for the skills you have dropped into my realm. AI and tech. However, I question if that is even really apart of my identity or what I cling onto because that was you. For almost 12 years.

I never wanted to be a notary, but I became one because you told me to.

Never agreed with AI, until you showed me what I could do.

Now, how the hell have I adopted the fear of "wasted potential".

With you gone, time kind of settles into place more. The reality that I am still here, and that even in the short frame of 3 months, not much has progressed in the studio. A LOT of pain though..

Outtake.

Dude I never did you wrong.

“I told you I wanted multiple wives”

“I tried to tell you and you almost killed yourself”

So to financially drain me and to string me along was the better option!

August 5th I was going to ask what you saw for our future. If you wanted to ever marry me.

August 1st the answer came quicker than I had planned.

13.

This is why I had abandonment issues.

Ha, trying having your dad and stepdad pass.

Don’t.

Don’t try.

Your niece and nephew follow too.

Living is harder than death.

To bear the pain and to see your family carry it everyday.

I wish I could pull it all from them and carry it myself.

I hurts. But I know how to hope. In the worst of ways.

Dad, you should be proud i didn’t inherit addiction to drugs.

But pain is just as bad. I know what it does to the soul. To the insides.

When my body is maxed out. When the pain is too much to bear. He’s takes care of it.

Quickly.

Stingily.