bbc_blooms

That were never truly mine.

​Of vanishing, of fleeing, of burying memories,

Of losing my way, of deceit, intrigues, and half-truths,

Merely to consign it all to oblivion once more.

​I have had enough of finding no relief,

Gaining neither stability nor security.

​And that all the emotional neglect

Accumulated over the years

Comes back to haunt me bitterly today.

​So please, I beg of you all,

Just leave me to my peace.

​If I am destined to burn,

Let it at least be within my own flames.

that i am both the storm

and the person standing in it,

getting soaked.

not with pain, but with the weight of all the things

I never got to say.

not the one i dreamed of,

not the one you remember,

but this one—

soft in some places,

hard in others,

still surprised by her own reflection.

I am a house with too many rooms,

some locked,

some echoing,

some filled with things i don’t recognize.

i walk through them anyway,

fingering the dust,

wondering which version of me

left these marks behind.

I am not who i was,

and that’s the loneliest kind of grief—

mourning someone

pages yellowed, spine cracked,

still standing on the shelf,

Christmas season is over

So fuck off and leave me alone

There is no need to pretend being nice anymore

Waste another year

Waiting for you

Wishing not to

Repeat the same mistakes

Again and again

Wishing to

Finally move on

And let someone else in

everything ordinary

felt unfinished

and suddenly I realized

no one else had ever

made the world feel

so wide,

I’m just… gone.

Like I walked out of myself

a while ago

this is return.

this is the smile after the storm.

not because it wasn’t hard—

but because it’s over,