#loved ones

they tell me you’re in heaven now.

that you’re standing beneath a sky that never darkens.

they tell me you’re at peace.

and i nod because it’s the easier story,

the one that fits in sympathy cards and thoughts and prayers.

but when it’s quiet,

when no one is watching,

i find myself hoping heaven isn’t real.

not because i hate the thought if gates made of pearl and forgiveness,

but because every version of heaven i’ve been told is a place where the story stops.

where you sit perfectly still, waiting for a name that may never be called.

i cannot bear the idea if you becoming permanently still.

i would rather you missed your train to eternity and caught another one instead.

that somewhere are alive.

i hope death is a revolving door rather than a locked one.

i hope you’ve already been born again, crying and messy.

if heaven is real,

then you are somewhere i will never reach.

i have spent my life collecting mistakes like stones in my pockets.

too many harsh words,

too many selfish choices,

too many moments where i knew better

and still chose wrong.

i am not the kind of person they write sermons about.

and if heaven keeps score,

i think it already knows my name.

so i hope heaven isn’t real.

i hope you are running through forests on four legs,

or flying through the sky without remembering how it felt to fall into the earth.

i hope the universe took your broken pieces and built something new.

i hope one day our souls will cross paths once again.

and if it could be true that

somehow,

somewhere,

we are still sharing the same world.

breathing the same air.

looking at the same moon.

Remember their laugh

Remember the good times

Remember the small silly moments

Remember they are with you whenever you need

Remember they are with you in important moments

Remember they feel your love for them

Remember you are not alone

To keep dying for someone  What does it feel like? Does it feel unfair? Frustrating? Annoying? No it feel exhilarating  Don’t you know  To die for somebody  Again and again  It means to protect  Even if it’s against your will? Nothing is ever against our will We say we die by god’s law or a tragic destiny  But we in truth and reality  All die by our own hands  It is but a selfish…

My phonebook is thinning out, not by design but by fate.The numbers are still there yet calling them is meaningless, for there will be no answer. You would give anything just to hear that voice one more time.Sometimes you feel like just giving up, but you know it is disrespectful to those who never gave up and lived a full life. Then you hear a story of a 10-year-old boy whose death could have…