Garden of the Vampyre

"This is the headquarters of the secret resistance, and I am its proud commander, Count Dracula”.

Gay Mario 3 is one hell of a game so far.

I don't think they do.

*Independently wealthy from her stock broker days*

*Middle-aged, yet is an experienced person; even has a son*

*Owns a mansion, and uses it as a libary all the townsfolk can visit*

*Has very expensive tastes, but shares it with everyone.*

*Refined, yet very kind*

*Most of all, loves spoiling her much younger girlfriend, and taking care of her.*

This time I’m reviewing a biopic: Tim Burton’s Ed Wood! The genre is one of my least favorite; I generally avoid watching them. It’s hard to pin down a particular reason: maybe I just prefer to escape to fantasy world’s, or that presenting a real person’s history in such a dramatized fashion for entertainment doesn't sit well with me. However, Ed Wood intrigued me, and I decided to give it a watch for the reasons I’m featuring on Bloody Sunday: much of it deals with the production of 50’s era Horror B-Movie’s (particularly the legendary “so bad its good” movies of the titular director)…and Bela fucking Lugosi. And woe and behold, just like with Shadow last week, I ended up watching it twice in a row. 

The premise of our film is that our hero Ed Wood (played wonderfully by Johnny Depp in what I believe to be his finest role) is struggling in Hollywood; he has infinite ambition/determination…and not much of anything else. Despite this, he has an uncanny ability to inspire loyalty in the people historically associated with his name: much of the movie follows him meeting these people and gathering a consistent crew willing to help him forge his “visions” (as misguided as they often are.) They get into all kinds of hilarious hijinks: like stealing a octopus from Universal as a set decoration, Ed getting funding for his movies by converting to the Baptist faith, or even just showing the domestic lives: each and everyone of them a fun, entertaining character in their own right (My second favorite being Maila Nurmi, AKA Vampire! Played excellently by Lisa Marie). Most of the movie follows this “slice of life” format, but we did sorta get a centralized plot in the form of Ed’s many struggles. There’s a very sweet subplot about Ed coming to term with his “cross-dressing”. And the movie, while using it for comedy, presents it a very respectfully tone that is quite unlike how LGBTQ people were usually shown in the later 1990’s (an amusing parallel to Ed’s own shockingly progressive, if horrible, Glen or Glenda.) Ed is sweet, adorable, and quite sympathetic…and sadly overshadowed in his own movie.  

You all know it was coming: Bela Lugosi (played beautifully in the literal Oscar-winning performance of his life by Martin Landau) is the heart of this movie for me. There’s so many facets to his role: as a big horror geek, all the references to Dracula and his other classic movie roles made me chuckle. Bela himself, on the other hand, made me howl with laughter. His jokes and physical performance are a hoot…and then you get the serious side. Bela’s at the end of his life: a fading relic, who is considered obsolete by Hollywood at large. You can see in his weary face all the demons he’s fighting: his morphine addiction, his financial problems, his rage, his sadness, but most of all his loneliness. I don’t want to spoil things, but I was reduced to a sobbing mess near the end. And through it all, Ed’s always there comforting him sheltering him. And Bela looks out for Ed too, in his own way. Ed as a character is a little bit overshadowed by his other half, but I believe the relationship these two men have is the true soul of everything in the movie. And even after Bela is buried in the darkness of his trademark cape, he casts his shadow over the rest of the film. This dissonance, between comedy and heartfelt happiness (and tragedy) is the movie’s most remarkable feature. 

On the technical side, this is such a great movie: I enjoyed just being able to look at on my screen. The decision to film it in black and white gives it a gloriously pulpy mood: grounded for a Tim Burton movie, but still having his trademark gothicness. This film is a true homage to that black and white era of horror, down to its soundtrack (with the legendary SWAN LAKE, Op.20 being a recurring motif), and that makes it watchable alone without all these other amazing elements.

As a die-hard fan of both versions of Nosferatu (and the trailer for the latest rendition had me slobbering), I’m rather ashamed to admit I’d never seen Edmund Merhige’s 2000 Vampire Film, Shadow of the Vampire. I was aware of the fact that the movie is a “what if?” scenario; one that assumes the popular urban myth that Max Schreck (the eccentric actor who played Count Orlock in the original 1922 version) was actually a Vampire, is true. But for a reason I can’t really remember, I never had the urge to watch the film. Woe and behold, that turned out to be a grave mistake on my part, as Shadow of the Vampire is actually an amazing experience.

As I mentioned before, the movie follows the historical production of Nosferatu: starting in Germany, and then Czechoslovakia, when the crew begins filming on site. Our “hero” is F. W. Murnau (played fantastically by John Malkovich) : a tyrannical film director (which is quite removed from the real Murnau, who was by all accounts a demanding, yet fair leader) who does things like drug cats, and demeans his cast and crew with his barbed pretension. The man is immediately shown to be willing to do anything for his art…but the depths he’s willing to plunge into truly known until they begin filming at Orlok's Castle by night, and do the famous scene in which Gustav von Wangenheim (played by Eddie Izzard in a surprisingly short, yet rather hilarious role) ascends the ruin, and the mysterious “stage-actor” Max Schreck reveals himself from the shadows of a hallway, and beckons him inside with his bony finger, in an absolutely terrifying sequence. Immediately afterwards, members of the crew begin disappearing one by one. While I would be remiss not to mention the intriguing contemplations and criticisms of filmmaking that make up the film’s themes, to me “Schreck” completely eclipses everything else about the movie. Played by the legendary character-actor, William Dafoe, there’s a reason why he was nominated for an oscar: this is - in my opinion - his best performance bar none. His vampire absolutely oozes that existential dread of a forsaken immortal being; one so ancient he doesn't even have his memories anymore to comfort his loathsome existence. “There was a time when I fed from golden chalices.” And yet there’s also a glimmer of sarcasm and very dark humor present in his rotting cadaver (helped by Dafoe going absolutely ham with the role). He somehow manages to balance both being pathetically sympathetic and inhumanly monstrous (similar to Count Dracula’s depiction in Werner Herzog Nosferatu the Vampyre), the best type of blood-sucker in my opinion. And the absolute heart of the film.

Production wise, the movie is really good: the crew did an amazing job, sparing no expense (thanks Nicholas Cage!) transforming the sets into beautiful gothic scenery. The movie was filmed in Luxembourg, Germany; so the castle’s we see are real ones (though they sadly didn’t get to shoot some scenes at Orava Castle; the one used in the original Nosferatu), which add to the visual flair. We have shots of beautiful European landscape; silent movie studio sets; train stations; rurals towns; and, of course, crumbling fortresses. The gothic works; which also include a suitably atmospheric soundtrack, excellent performances by the entire cast, and a brilliant usage of light and shadow to enhance the delicious gothic ambiance. A +.

Looks like our boy is finally going up in the world. And he deserves all of it.

We begin with a defiled holy ground; the pews and pillars long taken over by nature.

After penetrating the mist-shrouded woods (and avoiding the horrors that lurk within) we find a lonely, mansion at the very end. A mansion surrounded by knelt over corpses.

The inside is dilapidated; decaying furniture, torn banners of yellow, and darkness kissing every corridor. It's a ruin, though you can still see it's former glory and elegance within the destroyed frame. A ghostly voice screams at you to leave...though another whispers welcomes.

The ghostly spirit of the butler welcomes you into his destroyed home. Though with a warning: "The madness might consume you." And then a sparkle of light catches your eye."

A portrait of the mansion at a much happier time. Striking it reveals the path forward: a secret passageway!

Behind is the decaying ruins of a library: its shelves filled with rotting parchment and dust. Yet amidst the burnt remains of books, you find a single, legible page.

Further through, you fight through the tortured, spirits bound eternally to the mansion, only to discover yet another secret passage; this time behind the bookshelves themselves.

Which then lead to the upper-rafters; the insides of the walls revealing themselves to be a home to a swarm of putrid rats...

...and I'll leave the rest for the player to discover themselves.

First licensed-game by the Stoker Estate is a cool looking Castlevania Clone for the Gameboy. Pretty metal to be honest.

Hi Tumblr! While I struggle to get my sapphic, vampire manuscript through a publisher, I thought it would be fun to write a weekly blog about my daily obsession: horror movies! Particularly, gothic ones. Cobwebs and castle corridors give me life! So without further fanfare, I present the first of Ronan’s Bloody Sunday; today’s feature movie Roger Corman’s The Terror!  

The Terror was a weird one for me. Despite never watching it before, I believe I already had an idea what to expect from James Rolfe’s Monster Madness. Turns out, I had no idea. I’m still struggling. Unlike other surrealist experiences, I can’t even say it started out as clear. The very first scene is the legendary Boris Karloff walking through a spooky castle; only ending when he gets jumped scared by a skeleton (No context is ever given for this!) After the gloomy credits, it jumps to a wounded French officer (played by Jack Nicholson, in one of his first starring roles) limping through a moody shoreline. A shrouded woman (Sandra Knight, who does her best with the script) beckons him with a smile, and then the insanity truly starts. She tries to lure him into quicksand. She transforms into an eagle; because her soul is being charmed by a witch, using her magic mirror. She goes by two names: Helene and Ilsa. Jack is led to an apparently abandoned castle; which is inhabited by the Baron von Leppe (who - I guess - is supposed to be the character in the beginning, Karloff’s great performance a highlight): a suspicious and maddened nobleman. He’s being haunted by his wife, who he apparently murdered. As it turns out, his wife is the woman Jack is seeing, the officer becoming more and more obsessed with discovering the truth as the madness unfolds (like the transformed Helene: who pecks someone’s eyes out)…and then the madness becomes pure pandemonia. The final act is every character dropping bombshell after bombshell; the very fabric of the story becoming irreversibly altered by each revelation; each one pretty much happening a minute after the last. It all ends with an action-heavy spectacle of a finale: ocean waves come crashing into a secret, underground crypt, sweeping away the characters and their sin. Jack Nicholson barely manages to escape with Helene…only for Corman to pull one finale, gloriously spooky Halloween copout, as she literally melts into his arms.