foot to the butt

everyone calling me a boomer for this take has confirmed for me that people literally don’t know what boomer means

when people who only follow me on normie social medias are like ‘wow you’re never online you barely ever post’ im always like :) thank you :) yes I am extremely offline. without mentioning that I spend like 15 hours a day posting nonsense on a barely functional social media app that most people think shut down in 2018

When did cyan go viral

my great-grandfather had to leave italy in the 20′s because he hit a fascist with a tuba, so if you think I am going to take this sitting down you are going to have to catch these hands and also this tuba

Fun story my Great Great Grandma left Germany in the 1920s because she had family in the US and could get citizenship pretty easily and once she was over in the US she then smuggled over 15 jewish families out by forging family documents so now my aunts are currently in the process of trying to tell the real ones from the fake ones because my great gran just died and there are legally over 100 surviving descendants but we know that math is a lil screwy.

Sometimes a family is you, your kids, your grandkids, your great grandkids, and the 15 Jewish families you helped smuggle out of Nazi Germany.

And your tuba

please, you have to click this link because there’s audio of the writer HEWWOing and you have to listen to it

I absolutely love that this is written by the same person who wrote “Everyone hates my big stupid horse in Red Dead Online. He is my friend” article

UPDATE ITS GONE

that is some galaxy-brain advice that just short-circuited my endless rumination on the similar question, “what is my true self?”

In an era where people are encouraged to be stylish and attractive and effortless and hardworking and authentically interesting and good at reading the room and unique/not basic all at the same time… the true ones to admire are the not the ones who have their finger on the pulse of the ever-changing culture but those who are passionate and flawed and long given up on trying to impress

Bagel and cream cheese themed wedding

how many hands you got

two? don’t see how that’s relevant

that’s still four people

will smith isn’t gay. he has a wife and three beautiful, talented children

I can’t believe this post predicted the live action Aladdin genie

If we lose tumblr how will we ever replace these posts in which every reply feels like a punch in the face

LETS BRING BACK 1337 SPEAK 

I THoUGHT YOU MEANT THE YEAR

my l0rd, t3h p34s4nt5 4r3 r3v01t1ng! W3 mu5t s411y f0rth 4g41n5t th3m 4thw1th!

hyperfixating on this is not enough i need to eat it

Christians with jesus christ

why is there a new popular post with a joke about eucharist every week on this website