it's not a tranquilizer

well there's a few different things but here's my primary objections, based on my personal experience assisting with dog breeding:

- knotting itself REALLY does not seem fun for most dogs (Glimmer disagrees but she is. an outlier in my experience.) they definitely are compelled to mate, and I think that must be enjoyable, but once the tie happens most dogs are immediately like "goddammit" and just stand around in a state of chagrined regret for twenty minutes. the most extreme version of post nut clarity. some of them REALLY hate it and you have to grab the bitch to prevent her from trying to run off with the dog's dick still in there bc she could potentially really hurt him. so there is a lot of comedy potential there imo. firstly you're stuck together for half an hour and it's deeply inconvenient. what if one of you needs to get up and grab something off the dresser. imagine the stupid little shuffling walk they'd have to do. and then also imagine if there was a very real danger that someone would freak out and try to Escape your dick in a blind panic and you'd have to try to keep them calm so they didn't give you some sort of dick injury? very funny.

- on a more social implications level, I think it is cowardly to not do a left hand of darkness thing where when someone ISN'T in heat, sex simply Does Not Occur. Ever. as in it is physiologically*not possible* to have sex outside of heats, and no one has any interest in it. that would change human society SO much & is a really fascinating world building scenario, imo, and I think it's really weaksauce that ppl aren't exploring it. heat cycles exist because of a very very different model of ovulation cycles that result in pretty extreme physiological and therefore social differences re: sex, and I think that's interesting to think about in terms of human social structures and how much they would be changed if our reproductive cycles worked more like dogs!

And it's that thing where you mentally place yourself as the second, auxiliary party to someone else that you consider to be "In Charge" of whatever space or occupation or responsibility you are assigned to

And when you are IN that mindset, it *feels* like you're being responsible. It *feels* like you're being respectful, and helpful, and contributing to the load.

But what you don't SEE- because it *feels* like deference- is that the other person who you're seeing as The Authority you report to- by being assigned that role, has also been assigned the invisible load of BEING YOUR MANAGER.

This is by FAR most commonly seen in husband-and-wife relationships, where the man says, "just tell me what I can do to HELP- you don't have to do it all by yourself, but it's like you won't even tell me when you NEED help. You just do everything and then get mad at me for not doing it first. I can help clean. I can help with the kids. I can help"

But I also see it- and am guilty myself of doing it- at work, at school, in public- that mental, "this is THEIR space, and i will be respectful and helpful to THEM"- without realizing that subservience in this manner isn't actually a good thing. That it actually shifts the burden of responsibility to the other person. That aspect was totally invisible to me.

I didn't understand that when I was told, "if you see something that needs to be done, just DO it", or, "take the initiative", what they ACTUALLY meant was, "I am not above you", or "you have equal say in what kind of environment you want to live or work in", or "I do not want full control over what happens here, I do not want to order you around, I do not want to be in charge, what I WANT is to co-command WITH you"

Being in The Assigned Authority position NOW, that is all so much clearer.

I am the senior member of my team at work, and now, every time I train a newbie, every time I finish catching them up to speed and giving them a list of everything that needs to be done, my next big hurdle seems to always be, "now take pride in the space when I'm not around". "Now don't assume I'll tell you when something is due or what orders to plan things in".

Now, having been on both sides of the struggle, I can appreciate the sticking points here

TO THE PERSON "IN CHARGE": The person deferring to you doesn't understand the invisible labor you're doing. They genuinely believe you know more, you WANT more, you see things they don't, and that they are being respectful and good by staying out of your way and waiting on your orders. THAT is the bit that's not clicking.

TO THE PERSON "WANTING TO HELP": "Help" implies that you are providing assistance to a problem that belongs to somebody else. Stop thinking like that. Understand that the problem belongs to BOTH of you equally, and consider what kind of shared space you BOTH want. What is your SHARED GOAL? Not THEIR goal, but a goal that belongs to you too. Own your space.

This is not a Commander-Lieutenant problem. This is a Partnership problem.

The most amazing part is how the water droplet magnifies the Hornet's mouth parts, so you get to see them up-close!!!! It was FASCINATING to witness!

Here's some of my favorite still shots from that video:

“You’re not coping” Ok here’s the deal; I’ll stop feeling this anger when we have a national memorial (we don’t) or a cdc equipped to stop it from happening again (we don’t) or a population that takes a deadly disease seriously BEFORE it effects them personally (WE DON’T!)

If my my mom’s story touched you in any way, and you’re able to, I would love nothing more than to have some folks donate to their cause. They are a registered nonprofit with a platinum transparency rating. (You can write it off on your taxes!)

https://www.markedbycovid.com/

All of my love to you.

Smooch by KaceyM

“You’re not coping” Ok here’s the deal; I’ll stop feeling this anger when we have a national memorial (we don’t) or a cdc equipped to stop it from happening again (we don’t) or a population that takes a deadly disease seriously BEFORE it effects them personally (WE DON’T!)