Chasing Clouds

Afternoon Tea (50g loose)

* Type: Blend black

* Retail Value: $6.00

* Product Description: a blend of Darjeeling and Assam leaves from India. Assam leaves’ powerfulness is lightened by mixing refreshing Darjeeling leaves. This flavorful tea goes very well with milk – it’s a foolproof, please-all deliciousness! Perfect for a little afternoon break, whether you’re at home or work.

* Notes: I received this through Fukubukuro 2018. This is a pretty standard-sounding blend of two well-regarded teas. I think I’ll like it, and I think it will be a nice utility tea, but I also think I won’t ever get that excited about it. Quite frankly, I go to Lupicia for flavored teas, and I suspect I can get higher-quality unflavored black teas elsewhere. Even so, this sounds like a nice blend, so I’ll check back once I’ve tried it.

Blueberry (50g loose)

* Type: Flavored black

* Retail Value: $7.00?

* Product Description: Blended with the fruits and leaves of blueberry, offering a subtle sweet flavor.

* Notes: I received this through Fukubukuro 2018. I couldn’t find it on the Lupicia website, but I guessed the retail price based on other similar teas (notably the Blueberry & Cassis). I’m excited to try this even though I normally don’t like fruit flavors, as blueberry is among the fruits I tend to like. I’ll update once I’ve tried it.

* Update: This is really nice as iced tea! Very refreshing. I could see it working well for a brunch or something like that. I don’t love it hot, but it’s not terrible. I just feel like fruit flavors work better chilled, usually.

Caramel and Rum (50g loose)

* Type: Flavored rooibos

* Retail Value: $7.50

* Product Description: an aromatic blend of rooibos and honeybush scented with bittersweet caramel and rum. Great served straight, but also delicious with added milk.

* Notes: After trying the Piccolo non-caffeinated rooibos, I was inspired to go back to Lupicia to pick up some other non-caffeinated teas that I can drink in the evenings. As a lover of caramel, this immediately drew my attention, and when I smelled the sampler tin, I was hooked! I think this will be really nice in the evening, and I’m excited to try it even though it was a totally blind purchase.

Chocolate and Strawberry Puer (50g loose)

* Type: Flavored pu-erh

* Retail Value: $7.50

* Product Description: Decadent with chocolate on the nose, finishing with the juicy tart flavor of ripe strawberries. The rich flavors of puer tea and chocolate also work wonderfully with milk.

* Notes: I’ve tried this before, but admittedly I have not perfectly the art of brewing pu-erh tea yet, so I await opportunities to learn more about the flavor as I go. Even so, it’s a nice staple with a nice balanced flavor, and I appreciate that pu-erh teas can stand up to multiple steepings. Looking forward to opening this up again.

Cookie (50g loose)

* Type: Flavored black

* Retail Value: $7.00

* Product Description: a sweet-scented black tea inspired by caramel cookies hot out of the oven. Finely-chopped almonds are blended to add extra flavor.   It may sound sweet, but the flavor is delightfully light.  Its natural sweetness becomes more prominent with added milk.

* Notes: I want this to be a favorite, but it is a little hit-or-miss for me. The leaves themselves smell strongly of coconut, weirdly, which I don’t quite care for. However, once brewed, that scent is less overpowering and the other flavors mix. In general, I like the flavor of the brewed tea, but I have to be in the mood for it, so it’s less of a “utility tea” than, say, the Vanilla flavor.

* Additional Comments: I have also drunk this tea bagged, and in some ways, I find that I like the bags better. I find that as a loose tea, it’s a little uneven depending on how the cookie bits get distributed. Also, the bags allow for the case of “occasional craving” rather than having it in the main daily lineup, since I have limited storage space for loose tea.

Earl Grey (10 bags)

* Type: Flavored black

* Retail Value: $7.50 ($5.50 for 50g loose)

* Product Description: said to be the origin of all flavored teas, and this is our orthodox blend made with Keemun tea. Try with a slice of orange for an elegant tea time. A great companion to baked sweets, it’s delicious straight or with milk.

* Notes: I received this through Fukubukuro 2018. Who doesn’t love a good Earl Grey? I’ve actually never tried Lupicia’s before, so I’ll be interested in trying it. I feel like EG is the gateway tea for most people, as it is such a widespread standard. Weirdly, now that I’ve experimented with more tea, I almost never drink EG, and I’m not sure how I like it with a more refined (ish) palate, but I’m glad to have gotten this, as of course it will be drunk eventually.

* Update: Exactly as expected, this is fine but nothing special. It has that nostalgic flavor, as EG is the first tea I really started to drink, but I’ve moved on and now it’s relegated to “it’ll do in a pinch” but not exactly something I’m constantly reaching for.

Ginger and Lemon Myrtle (50g loose)

* Type: Flavored herbal

* Retail Value: $8.00

* Product Description: a blend of caffeine-free rooibos and honey bush, topped with ginger and lemon myrtle for a refreshing and spicy zing. A gentle aromatic tea that keeps you warm.

* Notes: I received this through Fukubukuro 2018. This is definitely a wildcard for me. It’s not something I would have purchased, and since I am not a fan of ginger, I’m not sure how I’ll like it. However, I have been thinking that I need to explore herbal tisanes more, and I don’t have a lot of experience with rooibos, so I’m willing to give it a go. This also sounds like a good tea for when you’re sick or need something really soothing with a little honey, so I’ll at least look toward that.

* Update: Drank this during a late night opera rehearsal to revitalize the ole voce and avoid any sort of caffeine high late at night. Despite the fact that I objectively dislike ginger, this tea worked pretty well for me. The other flavors blend nicely so it doesn’t hit you with a whole huge WHAM! of ginger flavor. So, if you are a ginger lover, this probably won’t impress you. If you just want a mild, soothing herbal, this is a solid contender.

Lanikai (50g loose)

* Type: Flavored black (Hawaii exclusive)

* Retail Value: ?? (received through Fukubukuro 2018)

* Product Description: A peach, orange, and mango flavored black tea. Its sweet and fruity flavor goes well with milk.

* Notes: I received this through Fukubukuro 2018. I am not sure how I’ll like this, as I normally don’t care for fruity teas, and in particular none of these fruits are my favorites (although I don’t dislike them either). I’ll update back once I’ve tried this.

Momo Oolong Super Grade (50g loose)

* Type: Flavored oolong

* Retail Value: $13.00

* Product Description: a delicious oolong tea scented with white peach. Savor the succulent flavor and aroma of Japanese white peach in this high-quality Taiwanese pouchong blend accented with pink rose petals. Our all-time top seller!

* Notes: I received this through Fukubukuro 2018, and I have to say, this is exactly the kind of tea to put in a bag like this. Because of the premium price, I was not going to buy it on my own, but given the hype I’m excited to try it. I have very little experience with oolongs, so I am not yet sure what my preferences are. I also have some apparently fairly high-end Chinese oolongs sitting in my cabinet that I got as a gift, so I suspect this one is going to sit out for a while until I’ve tried some of those.

Muscat (50g loose)

* Type: Flavored black

* Retail Value: $6.50

* Product Description: a luscious blend of black tea scented with juicy muscat grapes. The tea’s cool, refreshing flavor is ideal for making iced tea.  It’s a perfect choice when you want to brighten your mood. This is one of our most popular items and will make a great gift. 

* Notes: I received this through Fukubukuro 2018. It’s a flavor I wasn’t naturally drawn to, but I’m interested to try. I suspect I might actually really like it once I get to drinking it, but I’m having a hard time getting excited until then, since it’s a little off the beaten path for me. Even so, I’m glad to have received this - it definitely will get drunk eventually.

Piccolo (5 bags)

* Type: Flavored rooibos (holiday exclusive)

* Retail price: $7.50 ($7.50 for 50g loose)

* Product Description: a fun rooibos blend scented with pretty berries, apricots and honey. It is non-caffeinated and has a sweet, fruity aroma; we think this tea is ideal for kids and that's why we named it "PICCOLO (tiny)." The tea goes  very well with milk, and its flavor will satisfy the grown-ups as well! A limited design ornamental box with an illustration of dogs decorating the Christmas bell with a ribbon. Great as a small gift!

* Notes: I received this through Fukubukuro 2018. I admit, the packaging is really adorable, and I remember being quite drawn to the holiday herbals because of it. However, I didn’t really want to spring for the premium price of a holiday exclusive. So, I think this is actually a big winner for the Fukubukuro - something I really wanted to try, but wouldn’t have bought on my own. If I like them, I may have to change my mind next year about picking up some of the holiday specials. After all, it’s nice to have some non-caffeinated teas for those cold winter nights, right?

* Update: I liked this a lot! I don’t know that I would repurchase it, but it wasn’t disappointing either. It did inspire me to buy some other flavored rooibos’ though, since it was nice to be able to drink a guilt-free cuppa in the evening and not worry about being kept up. So all things considered, I’d still consider this a win. Although if I’m being honest, I wish the pack had come with 10 bags, and I got a 5-bag pack of something else I enjoy less.

Rosé Royal (10 bags)

* Type: Flavored black

* Retail Value: $8.50 ($7.00 for 50g loose)

* Product Description: an elegant black tea blend scented with strawberries and sparkling wine. This is one of our signature flavored teas.

* Notes: I received this through Fukubukuro 2018. This is definitely not the kind of tea I would buy (particularly since it is a tiny bit pricey for a whim), but something I’ve eyed a couple times and wanted to try, so I’m glad to have it. Not entirely sure how tea can evoke sparkling wine, but I’ll reserve further judgement until I try it.

* Update: Surprisingly, I’m a huge fan. I don’t *really* get the sparkling wine notes, but the strawberry flavor is subtle and the overall cup is nice. I ended up buying 50g of loose as well. I sampled it iced today, so I am going to try that, too. As a side bonus, the hubby loves it as well!

Thé au lait (10 bags)

* Type: Blend black

* Retail Value: $7.50 ($6.00 for 50g loose)

* Product Description: If you prefer your tea with lots of milk, THE AU LAIT is the perfect choice. Its full body and mild sweetness will surely satisfy any milk tea lovers.

* Notes: I picked this up on a whim in order to make the $30 minimum to update my sample subscription. Out of the bag, it’s nothing special, but when brewed - man, this tea is heavenly. The smell and creaminess of milk hits you right away, and then settles into a really soothing, simple cup of tea. It’s almost so rich you can’t drink too much of it. Obviously, this goes great with milk and a little sweetener, but it is actually really nice black as well, since it carries the milky flavor by itself. I will definitely be repurchasing this, probably many times over.

Tokio (50g loose)

* Type: Flavored green

* Retail Value: $6.50

* Product Description: a green tea delicately flavored with sweet berries. This beautiful tea with marigold petals has a very crisp taste which appeals to everyone, and is one of our best selling items. It's delicious chilled as well. Try with a little honey when you want to perk up.

* Notes: I received this through Fukubukuro 2018. It’s been advertised widely, but I haven’t tried it. I’m not sure exactly how I will like this, as the berry + marigold thing is not quite my usual taste, but I’m hoping it will taste refreshing and work well as an iced tea. I’ll update back once I’ve tried it.

Tsugaru Green (50g loose)

* Type: Flavored green

* Retail Value: $6.00

* Product Description: Japanese green tea scented with luscious San-Tsugaru, a popular Japanese apple grown in Aomori Prefecture. The tea has characteristic crisp aroma and subtly sweet flavor.

* Notes: This is the first tea I’ve bought because of a sample sent to me through Lupicia’s monthly mailer. I’m not typically a fan of green teas, and I’m not typically a fan of fruitier flavors, but the apple flavor is fairly subtle and pairs well with the tea. I’ve only drunk it hot from the bagged sample, but I’m excited to open it up and think it has potential as an iced tea (although I do find that green teas are hit or miss as iced tea).

Vanilla (50g loose)

* Type: Flavored black

* Retail Value: $6.00

* Product Description: a black tea blend with finely chopped vanilla beans.  It has a light and delicate flavor and aroma. Vanilla is one of the most expensive spices in the world, next to saffron. Its sweet scent is said to be an aphrodisiac, and vanilla has been used in many confectioneries, liquors, cigars, perfumes and so forth. The tea’s subtle and elegant sweetness goes very well with milk. 

* Notes: A tried and true flavor, if you tend to like sweeter black teas. I originally bought this to drink hot, but I’ve discovered it’s actually really good iced - I think I actually like it better cold nowadays. Works well black or with any sort of cream and sweetener - haven’t tried it with condensed milk, but I do like it with a little milk and honey. Overall, it’s exactly what you’d expect, but vanilla is such a versatile flavor that I like it in many different forms.

Yummy (50g loose)

* Type: Flavored rooibos

* Retail Value: $7.00

* Product Description: Strawberry and vanilla flavored smooth rooibos. Milk can be added.

* Notes: Perhaps I was suckered by today’s strawberry themed tasting, or perhaps I was just looking for variety, but this was my other pick for my trip to find some nice non-caffeinated teas. I am not even entirely sure I will like this, but I think it’s worth a try, and hopefully it lives up to its name!

Miscellaneous

I’ve learned a lot recently. I always make it a point to try to get the facts, question my assumptions, and move forward, hoping to do as little harm as possible and hopefully even do some good in the world. As a musician, it has always been important to me that we strive to brighten the world, and we can only do that by knowing and understanding the darker sides of humanity.

And boy, have I been doing a lot of learning and questioning recently.

As a mixed-race, part-indigenous person of color, I have taken it for granted that generally, I am negatively affected by systemic racism. This is true - I objectively do not benefit from white privilege, and I can name many ways I personally, and my people generally, have been hurt by racism. I have come to learn, however, that this is an overly simplistic way of looking at things.

As a light-skinned person, as a person of majority heritage (at least if you combine the sum of my parts) in my community, and as a person of Asian decent, I enjoy privileges that other people of color do not have. In particular, I am generally not targeted because of my race in matters of police violence or vigilante justice. In my community, I can rationally walk or drive in public and expect not to be apprehended (and certainly not with inborn suspicion) by the police. I can reach in my purse or back pocket for identification (should that even be requested of me, which is reasonably unlikely) without an assumption that I am armed or that I intend to act violently. I can safely exercise my constitutional rights protecting against unlawful search and seizure, providing due process, and enabling me to remain silent without an attorney present. I could go on, but needless to say, these are privileges that many, many people in this country cannot reasonably enjoy.

This fact has made me dig a lot deeper into the effects of racism in our society and the assumptions I have held in the past about race.

One assumption I held was that all PoC have more or less the same types of experience with racism or that all racism is kind of “equally bad” for all/most PoC. Part and parcel is a deeply held belief that oppression is not hierarchical - it’s not a series of tangible “oppression points” that you accumulate or lose based on various factors. Recently, though, I want to explore the ways these two attitudes are not necessarily at odds.

I still believe that racism is not hierarchical. I do not believe racism is “less bad” for Asian people than it is for Black people. I feel that experiencing oppression is inherently subjective and individual, and so is impossible to quantify or compare. But, I also believe that racism is very different depending on your specific racial background, as well as factors like where you live, and what other intersectional experiences of oppression you might have. And I believe that in certain cases, some types of racialized experiences are unique to one sub-group that other groups simply cannot directly relate to. (*Note: as a mixed person, I’m well aware of the fact that some people overlap in multiple groups. In general, when talking about the difference between Asian, Pacific Islander, and Indigenous experiences and Black experiences, I am not acknowledging the nuance and overlap that exists for people who are part of multiple of those communities. There is a limit to the number of caveats people want to hear about, so let’s just assume that these are separate groups in this case and that mixed people may have different experiences.)

One specific analogy stood out to me today. As both a gamer/geek and a social activist, this article about playing Pokémon Go as a Black man stood out to me. It highlights the reality that even something as innocuous as a smartphone game is significantly more dangerous for Black (and probably Latino) people, particularly men. Because of my human habit of centering myself in conversations I don’t really belong (but hey, I admit the flaw, right?), I immediately made a comparison to my experiences as a woman, particularly living in a very urban and commercial environment. But, I don’t think it takes away from the problems of “walking while Black” that Pokémon Go unintentionally exacerbates to also make the analogy of “walking while female/femme”.

In our society, in many communities, walking around “suspiciously” (see: chasing Pokémon) is somewhere between moderately dangerous to a palpable risk of death for Black and Latino men. They have a very real fear that the wrong person could either call the police (who are, statistically speaking, likely to be hostile) or take it upon themselves to injure them under the guise of vigilante justice/self-defense.

In our society, also, walking around alone, especially at night, is also fairly dangerous for women and gender non-conforming people, especially those who are queer, trans, or of color. We have a very real fear that the wrong person could harass or injure us, and that our calls for help may be taken less seriously, should we be harassed or injured.

I have found that, personally, thinking about the risks I do experience (increased chance of harassment because of my gender/presentation) have helped me empathize with risks I don’t experience (increased chance of police altercation or vigilante threats). Although the substance of the risks are certainly not identical, the similarities have been important to better relate with issues that are foreign to me.

O Music (canon) - O music, sweet music...

What Sweeter Music - What sweeter music can we bring, than a carol for to sing...

Carol of the Bells - Hark, hear the bells, sweet silver bells...

Hand me Down my Silver Trumpet, Lord - Well, I’ve never been to heaven, but I’ve been told...

Singalong: Go Tell it on a Mountain

As you can see, this idea can continue endlessly, and depending on what piece you start with, you can get a completely different program (in fact, there are many choices even with the same starting piece).

The List:

Benjamin Britten: A Ceremony of Carols

Edvard Grieg: Piano Sonata in E minor, Op. 7

Herb Mahelona/Mailelauliʻi Naki:No Ka Beauty o Honokōhau

Johann Sebastian Bach: St. Matthew's Passion

Franz Schubert: Winterreise

Krzysztof Penderecki (omg too many consonants): Threnody to the Victims of Hiroshima

Felix Mendelssohn: Symphony No. 5 "Reformation", Op. 107

René Clausen: Memorial

Queen Liliʻuokalani: Kuʻu Pua O Paoakalani

Pablo Casals: Nigra Sum

So Ceremony of Carols is pretty all-encompassing - it was one of the first pieces I thought of and I don't disagree with my first instinct. This piece has popped up in so many formative points in my life, and every time I've encountered it, I've learned new things both musically and extramusically. It was probably the first "challenging big work" I encountered, and it pushed me musically in ways that I didn't previously anticipate. Plus, the context of its composition is so inspiring and Britten's attitudes and compositional style still stand as one of the largest figures in my very long list of idealized composers. 

Oh, the Grieg. This reason is much simpler - listening to this piece made me want to marry my husband. Plain and simple. I almost can't say if it's the piece or the performance (probably a combination of both), but it's pretty hard to move me to tears with music (surprisingly, because I'm a crybaby at everything else), but this piece had me in a puddle. It was such a tumultuous period in my life that I can't help but have strong feelings for this piece, combined with the fact that I've literally never heard of another performance. I have a strong feeling that it will last in my memory for a good long while. 

Okay, so Honokōhau is kind of a no-brainer - it's just such an amazingly beautiful piece, it's hard not to be influenced by it. But beyond just being pretty, it represents a really special idea - the love of a home, the love of the land, and just the really remarkable island chain that I call my home. I also really remember this piece being one that I was dying to learn the hula for, and generally one of those pieces I can never get enough of. If I could only listen to one piece for the rest of my life... this might well be it. 

Bach, Bach, Bach. Probably the hardest part of this exercise was not just choosing ten different Bach compositions, because he looms so large in my musical life. But amongst his works, the Passions are really some of the greatest (with honorable mention to the B minor Mass, Christmas Oratorios, WTC, Goldberg, and the Cello Suites... which is why this is so hard to write.) The St. Matthew Passion is one of the things that inspired me to actually sit down with the whole Gospel and really chew on the heart of Christian theology in light of my very wacky personal ethical compass, and I really truly feel that Bach's genuine, devout relationship with God, as experienced through music, changed my perspective in a radical way. 

I once read that you can only perform Winterreise if you are haunted by it. And I can believe that to be true. Certainly it's a piece that has continued to grow in my mind, and often in a very unsettling way. But perhaps it's the fact that Winterreise makes me question so much about life and humanity that makes it so compelling as a story and as a piece of music. I don’t know if I will ever get the chance to perform the whole cycle, but I do know it will stand as a major touchstone in my journey of musical maturity. 

In high school, my choir director would have what he called “Music Fridays”. Rather than holding a regular choral rehearsal, we would listen to music or discuss some element of music and just learn about music outside of just what the choir was performing. While most of my peers took this as a “day off” from rehearsal, I paid close attention. On Halloween (or perhaps the Friday nearest), this director turned off all the lights, leaving the choir room pitch black, and turned on a recording of “Threnody to the Victims of Hiroshima”. It was easily one of the spookiest and most haunting experiences of my life. It was also my first exposure to the vast world of “experimental”, post-tonal music. Plus, it honors a really important and horrific event in history that has informed a lot of my philosophies and understandings about life. 

Mendelssohn, like Bach (no surprises there), is a composer who really stands out for me as such a major figure and such an inspiration. He shares so many of the same values I do (or aspired to), especially his belief in the value of advocating for older music rather than just the latest and greatest. As you may know, hymnody is an area of music history that lives near and dear to my heart, and the Reformation Symphony is one of the best orchestral reimaginings of a hymn that I’ve heard. It is truly a magnificent work honoring such an important shift in theological, philosophical, and intellectual paradigm, and it really shows both compositional prowess and theological integrity in so many ways. 

Memorial, like the Threnody, is as much an influence for its music as for what it represents. While I strongly believe that there are many, many horrific events in human history that deserve attention and remembrance, it’s hard to deny that the attacks on September 11, 2001 completely changed the trajectory of my generation, and became an unescapable catalyst for a huge amount of change. Through it all, Memorial gave me so much hope and capacity to understand and express my tangled web of thoughts as I digested those events. 

Queen Liliʻuokalani is another of those composers that was so prolific and so influential that choosing only one piece was a special little kind of torture. Even so, her position both as the last reigning monarch of Hawaiʻi and as one of the foremost Hawaiian musicians leaves her as one of the people I look up to most. If you look up “strong woman” in the dictionary, the Queen’s picture is right there. And this piece represents so much strength and dedication to her people, something I can only hope to understand, just a little bit. Who else could calm themselves in an unjust house arrest by thinking about flowers?

I always found it hard when I’m aiming for a specific number to come up with the last. There were so many ways my mind could go, and so many musical contexts in my life, that once I came up on the idea that this would be the last choice. And believe me, there were several pieces that just narrowly missed this cut, so it’s hard to say that Nigra Sum was actually a better choice that one of the other pieces I thought of. But still, I thought I would end by thinking about one of the pieces that truly represents sheer beauty in music. Not a single note is ugly or misplaced, and while I know much of my music is about challenging expectations and expanding the aesthetic realm of music, sometimes it’s nice to come back to a piece that just exists in a constant state of lush, harmonious richness. 

So first of all, the decor was straight out of pinterest. Like, I mean... this wasn't the actual wedding, but I'm talking about stuff like this. All over the place. Which is fine. I mean, the reason that shit is so popular on pinterest is because a boatton of people love it. Otherwise it wouldn't get shared all the time or be so popular. And just because something is popular doesn't make it bad - obviously a lot of people like it for a reason, right? 

But it was kind of predictable. It was the Mozart piano sonata exposition cadence - same thing we do every night, Pinky. And the problem with being predictable and boring is that it's not at all memorable. I guarantee you in three weeks, I will have no idea what anything looked like, because there were simply not very many details that jumped out as interesting. I don't know. Maybe that was the point. Oddly, I actually wish my own wedding was less memorable (but fortunately, I was too busy worrying about other crap to remember much of the day anyway) - I frankly care way less about the wedding than I do about our continued marriage, and in a lot of ways, I'd like people to remember us from the last time we saw them, not from a random party we threw over a year ago. (And I think with only one or two exceptions, we've seen every invitee since then.)

Probably my biggest actual "issue" was sound logistics. I admit. I'm a musician, and sound is obviously important to me - my entire livelihood is built around sound and how it impacts people. At the same time, is it not a well-known truth that sound is more engaging than just sight? Why else would people set silent films to music, or insist on watching TV with the sound on? Why else is speaking the cornerstone of communication for most people? (Side note: this is not a disparaging commentary on deaf people - I am completely aware that their soundless or sound-reduced world is extremely vivid and engaging, but I also admire them for overcoming the hurdle of lacking stimulation from one of the senses in order to achieve that colorful and engaging experience.) 

Sound is *hugely* important. Sounds shape our perceptions. So why is it, then, that the concept of hearing the words uttered in someone's marriage ceremony, the sounds of music serenading guests, the speech of rituals being explained to the uninitiated guests, were sent by the wayside? Is this not an utterly backwards way of engaging people? 

My parents weren't immigrants themselves, but I think they unintentionally bought into the mindset that a common, unobjectionable name would be safer for children - that ethnic or difficult-to-pronounce names could lead to unforeseen consequences. Or maybe they just rejected pretentiousness or didn't even care. I'm not really sure, honestly. 

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