[Mean Response to Your BS]

On some of our gold door handles, there are black patterned one-piece bathing suits that my mom left to dry, probably weeks or months ago.

Books are stacked on the left side of my parents’ bed, some are self help books, like how to be successful and some are collections of short stories and plays and some are fiction.

My dad talks to me about the movies he has saved on his phone that he watches over and over - he tells me that he rewatches the Notebook and Sleepless in Seattle and Notting Hill. He gushes over the scene where Ryan Gosling’s character builds an art studio for Rachel McAdams’ character in the Notebook and says, “Wouldn’t it be cool if we turned that guest room with the big bay window into a studio for Mom and Margaret?” I make a small smile at the way that my dad is reacting to the Notebook and say, “Yeah, that would be cool.”

Her hands are always pale, kind of soft and dry, her nails trimmed and lightly ridged

I can see her slumped in a dining room chair, ones that she upholstered, with the New York Times draped between her hands, with a thick purple rimmed pair of glasses on the tip of her nose

She always used to tell me to read the New York Times

There are stacks are pre-wrapped gifts she has ready, for last minute gifts for her tennis team or her staff or anyone else

She uses her middle three fingers to press her hair down at her temples, lightly dabbing her hair as if coated with paint

When he told me he didn’t understand why people spend so much time and energy talking about queer identity and pronouns they want to use for themselves, I tried to explain that it matters to people because when people are referred to in ways that they don’t identify, that’s a manifestation of telling people who they can and cannot be, and who they should be and what they should look like and be like. And there is violence around that! 

You taught me that it’s okay to be silly and to laugh at yourself

You taught me kindness and honesty at all costs, to accept people

I feel like women who have 

A) talked about feelings about weight and body image with their friends 

B) reflected on their own feelings about their weight and body image 

would know that commenting on weight, eating, and body image can be hurtful and risky!

In my life, I’ve been close with women with eating disorders and unhealthy eating. I  have had unhealthy eating habits and unhealthy / not constructive feelings about my body. 

Based on that, I know that small comments about eating, weight, and bodies can be uncomfortable and hurtful.

Something like:

“Oh a salad? How healthy of you. Good for you” 

My response: Oh thanks, I really don’t need a comment from you on my eating. I can eat whatever I want.

“You’re so tiny! How do you eat so much and not gain weight! How do you do it? What’s your secret?”

My response: Why are you even asking? Do you actually want tips on how to maintain weight? Or are you just making this person feel uncomfortable? 

“You look so good! You lost weight!”

My response: Maybe I could look good if I didn’t lose weight? Maybe I just am happy? Or like my body the way it is?

“You’re really going to drink Diet Coke?” “You probably won’t drink juice, since it’s not diet, right?”

My response: Yes. I am drinking Diet Coke. I don’t want to drink a lot of extra calories and have diabetes in my family. Stop trying to guess what I will and won’t drink.

People always say that the millennial generation is a particular one because we’re growing up inundated with tech and media and because we are growing up with more than what our parents had. How I see millennials, and the struggle of being a millennial might be better classified as the struggle of being 3rd or 4th generation Chinese American - I’m in between the two.

My parents showed me that I could do anything. They told me that meritocracy will carry me to my dreams. They said money isn’t that important, if I do what I love, I’ll make ends meet.

My parents came to their careers out of passion and encouragement from their parents to do something that would keep them employed and give them a better life.

My friend, TT, says that it’s because I’m a Gemini.