#20 something

A pedoph!le really saw me a child, infuriated my life, saw how hard it was even called CPS but still was like let me make it 10x worse and S3xually abuse her. Like after EVERYTHING I've been through up to that point I kept a smile on my face, still made friends, and was "happy" but he was like "nah, not enough take her childlike innocence as well. That'll do it!"

He even saw how my mom struggled with raising me and the money she didn't have and still didn't put money to the cause. Like he just straight was a shitty boyfriend and step father. Congrats? You couldn't be a shitty, terrible step father but at least paid the bills and help my mom when she was struggling? Just using and abusing, then playing the victim. HA! I have to laugh because I already had a panic attack this morning.

You know what also sucks, is that I couldn't even take PTO for today b/c I have a major surgery that I need done and my PTO and Sick time is all in one. So, I have to save up over 80hrs before I can even apply for FMLA. I have a little less than 20hrs right now, I get 4.62hrs each check, and I get paid every two weeks. So, I won't reach my goal PTO hrs until next year middle of March. Lol! So no days off unless it's a holiday and my office is closed. I have an auto immune disease, so I have to be EXTREMELY careful until March of next year until I can get this surgery and hope that my doctor doesn't force me to get it b/c my bloodwork levels are terrible.

Secrets of your early 20’s no one wants to tell you.

Now that I’ve hit my late 20’s, I feel it’s time to share the knowledge I learned in my early 20’s. I know, I know. “How are you about to give me advice when you’ve just aged out of that demographic?” It’s a good question, but it’s one I can answer with a simple statement: I’m not qualified to give advice. It’s the truth, but I can also say that I am proud of the person I am and of the decisions I make. My goal with this blog is just that. To make you proud of who you are or who you want to become. Whether you’re looking for validation or trying to find who you are, this post may bring you some clarity. 

It’s hard out here and you need to be adaptable. 

Being a young woman is hard. The expectations placed on us are never ending and the goal post is constantly moving. The second we think something is going good, it changes. “Be adaptable” is a lot easier said than done. 

With adaptability comes discomfort. We tend to find comfort in routine. Let go. Relax a little. I can promise you that most situations aren't so serious that you can’t adapt to change. Now that doesn’t mean I’m telling you to change every aspect of your being. I mean to make adjustments in that routine you’ve come to love so much and let go of that “this isn’t the way it used to be done” mindset. Butterflies can only stay in their cocoon for so long before they have to grow. 

Not everyone is your friend.

But not everyone is your enemy either. Making and keeping friendships in your 20’s is hard. This is the age where, as adults, we are all trying to find ourselves and you are gonna meet some shitty people. 

Protect your peace by addressing issues with your friends. Don’t be afraid to call them out. Confrontation is hard, but not all confrontations are bad. Present the issue, explain how it made you feel, ask how they felt. Talk it out. Expect defensiveness, but don’t tolerate disrespect.

Keep in mind, you can only have so many confrontations with the same friend until it’s time to realize you’ve outgrown them. Every situation is different, so if you need advice on specifics, I’m your girl. Just ask in my inbox. 

Put the phone down. 

Don’t roll your eyes at me. Our generation grew up with social media. We’ve been on it since we were kids. Watching influencers, content creators, streamers, etc. constantly is affecting you even if you don’t want to admit it. 

We become the content we consume. We pick up lingo, mannerisms, and habits of those people we watch without realizing. These are not the people you need to become. You need to focus on yourself and become you. Social media is an addiction like no other. Doom scrolling before bed, while we eat, while we travel. Quite frankly, it’s making us stupid and unable to interact with people in real social settings. Half the shit we say online we don’t say in public because no one in the real world cares. Give yourself a cleanse or a limit to your social media and get outside. I’m deadass. Get some vitamin D and take a walk in the park. 

Find a hobby

This is another “easier said than done” thing. Hobbies can be expensive, but they don’t have to be. First, find your thing: Do you like making things? Do you like crafts? Do you like using your math skills? Are you a collector? 

Second, don’t go all in, especially you dear reader with ADHD. Find inexpensive alternatives because trust they are out there. Local thrifts, ebay, hell even facebook marketplace.

Ex: I like to sew so I used an old sewing machine my mom got in 2008 to practice and used old clothes until I knew it was something I wanted to continue with. Even if my mom didn’t have the machine, I would have bought one second hand from ebay. If I didn’t keep up with it, I would have sold it again. That brings me to my next topic…

Stop hoarding shit

We all have our vices. I hoard clothes. I’m someone who lost a bunch of weight (I was unhealthy) and was scared to gain it back. I kept all of my old clothes while also buying new ones. Before I knew it, I had no closet or drawer space even after swapping my seasonal wardrobes. 

This isn’t specific to tangible items. This can be hoarding photos on your phone or even hoarding emotions because yes, that’s a thing. We attach feelings to those clothes and photos. We keep grievances with those emotions we hold on to. Take the time to sort out each thing. Keeping a few items for sentimental value is totally okay, but keeping a note from your 8th grade boyfriend you haven’t seen since high school graduation at the age of 23 is not something we need to keep. This task may be hard. It may be time consuming. But this cleanse will in fact help your transformation into a butterfly. 

Make attainable goals 

There are a few steps here. Keep in mind, goals are never the finish line. They constantly adjust and adapt with you (see why you need to be adaptable?) Alright, Start with your end goal. The big picture. You can’t bust out the gate expecting to meet your end goal in 1 day.

This is your goal. This is what you want, so you need to be the one to do research and make those goal points along the way. This isn’t career or job specific, this could be for anything. Even your hobby. My end goal was to sew a quilt. My small goals: learn how to make a basic stitch. Learn how to use batting. Learn different techniques. Ta-da. 

Give yourself grace

As a 20 year old, you’re only a 2 year old adult. That’s not enough time to step into yourself. As you continue through your 20’s, your peers may be in different stages of life. They may get married, have children, or they may be starting college at 24. No one is “ahead” or “behind;” No one is the perfect adult; None of us truly have it all together. It’s impossible to focus and control so many things at once. Just focus on yourself and love your friends. 

Feel free to ask any questions in my inbox or submit a post yourself. I’d be happy to listen to and give advice on any situation.