ummm every day i fail to post rocky waters chapter 3 i hate myself a little bit more so here's some dad!alfie headcanons and shit to ease my mind!
He's talked a big game about the prospect ever since you were just a few months into your relationship, but when it finally becomes real, that boy is shitting himself instantly.
Constantly on the phone to his mum; once, your morning sickness had lasted longer than usual and while he held your hair back, he dialed her number to ask if he should be concerned. Sometimes he just wants a second opinion from the person he trusts most (besides you ofc), and others he's near-crumbling as he gets overwhelmed at the thought of being a dad, feeling like a little boy again preening for his mother's approval.
She absolutely adores you, by the way—constantly doting and making sure you're both as comfortable and prepared as you possibly could be, always telling him he should be proud to call you his kid's mother. And he knows.
God, does he know it. He lingers quietly while you scroll through TikTok, scouring through pages giving advice to first-time parents, or reading a book of baby names, or strolling slowly past the baby food aisles, giddily anticipating the arrival of your little one.
During labour, he's doing everything in his power to make sure you're as content as can be, rubbing your back, fetching whatever you request in record-time. But when he gets a moment to himself in the loo, he wrings his hands and breathes heavily and stares at himself in the mirror for much too long before surfacing again to find you.
The only thing that makes the worries as to whether he'll be a good dad go away, is the baby itself. Washed by the nurses, bundled up in soft pink blankets as they hand her over, seeing her is the only thing that's been able to settle is pounding heart since you first arrived at the hospital however many hours ago. His eyes leave the mass of soft flesh only to seek out yours—his are glistening as he grins. "She's so bloody cute, babe. Look..."
With hands nearing the size of a gorilla's, he starts to worry he might hurt such a small thing, and panics when she shifts.
"Fuck... What if I hurt her...?" he whispers.
Shaking your head, giving a lathargic smile, you murmur, "You won't... Don't swear."
"Shi- uh.. yeah. Christ..."
He hates the fact that it's (mostly) unsafe to cosleep—if he could, he'd have your bundle of joy splayed between and across the two of your bodies all night, every night, just to ensure she's as close as possible, thinking her crib must be cold and uncomfy.
Happily Elatedly, shows her off to his mates, his family, everyone from the YouTube scene, anyone who'll spare a glance at a picture, actually. Hell, he showed his favourite Subway (the only one he actually trusted to make his sandwich) worker a photo, just because.
The first few weeks, spent almost wholly indoors, curled up in bed, caring for you and the baby, are some of the most blissful days of his life.
Thankfully, he never really has to work all that much, so gets to spend as long as he likes with his girls, or preparing—he's taken to watching videos of how to do hairstyles ("Yes, I know she's not got hair yet, love, but she will, and I'm gonna have to do it right, yeah? Just- zzzip, and lemme watch this.")
Gets actually giddy when you send him photos of her, or videos, or even little text descriptions of what she's doing, whenever he's been at work and can't be there. Spends his nights away on FaceTime, cooing at the sight of the sleeping girl, whispering that "Daddy's gonna be home soon, darling, I promise.."
He finds it therapuetic to make bottles for his princess, setting up his phone on the kitchen counter and filming for his Snapchat story as he (topless, of course, because he knows you like to watch them and screen record them) rambles about how things have been.
"-Also, can you all stop fucking asking when we're gonna post her? I don't know! And, being real here, it's a bit odd you wanna see a kid anyway, so just fuck off, yeah? Right now, we don't want pictures of her out there, and that's our right, so leave it out. Anyway... uh, yeah, Reader's out with her now, and she asked me to make up some bottles, cause she's having a break from breastfeeding today, so just shut up, watch and learn."
This man cannot for the life of him figure out how carseats work! It just stays in the back seat (behind the passenger seat so he can always quickly glance back and keep an eye on the girl within it), to prevent having to take it to and from the house too much. And because trying to buckle it down is the finest form of ragebait for him. He excuses it because "that's what it's for. Carseat, innit? For the car."
You won't catch him dead being a beige parent!!!! His girl looooves bright colours and whatever she wants, she gets, so if she wants to go out in a banana suit, fuck yeah he's gonna allow it!
Such a hypocrite though because he rolled his eyes all the way to Heaven when you insisted on getting cute cutlery and bowls and plates with sweet patterns on, but when he's scrubbing them clean in the sink, he's cheesing the whole time.
Thinks himself the luckiest bastard in the whole world for having you and the baby, and is not quiet about it. Like at all. The Fellas podcast has even started a designated 'baby segment' for him to brag about how you've been as a mum, or which part of the local park his daughter likes best, or the new foods she's been getting onto — "Nah, she's a right fussy kid, she will only sleep if we read certain books. She's right obsessed with the Mr Men, actually. But I think we're gonna have to get her a little guinea pig or something when she's a bit older, cause obviously we wanna get a dog, but, like, wanna train her first, to actually take care of a pet. Well, that's what the Mrs said and I trust her, so.."