Boys lie so damn much. They can say “good morning” to me & I have to check to see if the sun is out.

Someone: are you the stupid bitch who d- Me: yeah

Me, to a waiter at a 5 star restaurant: please tell the chef that if I could, I would be kin with this pasta

i’m still PISSED about harry potter leaving draco to die because “oh boo hoo there aren’t enough seats in this minivan someone has to stay behind” like you fool. you fucking fool. i’ve ridden to walmart and back in an 11-person shuttle seating 17 people just bc i didn’t wanna wait to get some skim milk. are you really telling me that you couldn’t put a dude in the trunk for the sake of getting away from a collapsing island? you worried about not having enough seat belts??? people died bc of your poor minivan management skills, harry

i drafted this in a blind rage immediately upon waking up today and i may have misremembered some plot points of the Harry Potter series

#THERE 👏🏻 WAS 👏🏻 ROOM 👏🏻 FOR 👏🏻 DRACO 👏🏻 IN 👏🏻 THE 👏🏻 MINIVAN (via @dracomalfoyofficial)

Bfhcjgjfhfbf

Whatever version of hp you’ve been reading, i would like a copy

Thank god for a competent woman.

I like how done she looks even though we can’t see her facial expression. The body language is there.

i knew the punchline was coming and it was still hilarious 

The best example i can give of spoilers not ruining a movie is Gone Girl because the plot twist in Gone Girl is very well known and a lot of people going into Gone Girl will know that Amy faked her death. The people who didn’t know will get a huge shock when she reveals herself to be alive but the people who did know will still get excited, enthralled, whatever because its good storytelling and a good film. Me knowing Amy faked her death didnt affect my enjoyment of the movie or the book at all….bc its a good movie/book. The Russo brothers being so terrified of spoilers getting out is them accidentally spoiling the fact that they made a mediocre movie that relies on shock instead of narrative/direction/etc

doing laundry? fine, even fun. putting laundry away? terrible. worst chore. wretched way to spend time.

no putting laundry away we live out of the basket like men

Y'all made it seem like drinking 8 cups of water was supposed to cure my depression y'all r all liars

drink more water

coconut oil

cum

Suck a dick

black soap

eat ass