THE FRENCH FUJOSHI: and you will put ze tips of your penise togezher, oui? and you will insert yourself into 'iz boyhole, oui?

I know it feels good as fuck to cast spells from up there

wore my thigh high boots on a walk today and we had to take a path through some long grass and while everyone else was rolling their pants into their socks and putting on jackets to protect themselves from ticks i was standing there smug as hell in my thigh high leather boots.

a hoe never gets lyme disease

yet another cosmic unfairness: a manatee is some kind of big fat dumpling beast of the sea that wants you to pet it so bad we had to make laws against doing just that for their safety

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

lot of people commenting on this post like "who eats lunch at 4pm that's a terrible time to eat lunch" yes. that is the point. 4pm lunch is inadvisable. 4pm lunch is not the ideal. 4pm lunch makes the mind demons real.

folks you’re never gonna believe what i did today

One time I regained sentience after anesthesia right in the middle of explaining how Tyrian purple was made to a very bemused nurse so I no longer fear revealing major secrets under anesthesia, I just assume I went Wikipedia mode.