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images boomer husbands cannot comprehend

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jewish-joy

Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.

He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"

"What?"

He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"

"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."

Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.

Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.

chromaticabrasions

yknow,,…. i’m actually immortal and can’t die ever….. *gets really shy* i mean i am pervious to death and such and have died many times before *gets even shyer* i mean. um. umm. i. um. well. um. *gets mayfly* *(the insect)* i’m mayfly

supahbeefcakes

with marcille’s necromancy and noelle’s ice magic, they could finally create tumblr’s greatest nemesis: the strong as fuck ice mummy

anchovy

Made a lowball offer on eBay as a joke and it got accepted. uh oh.

anchovy

I’m so fucked

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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json-derulo

for sale: Baby Shoes Stylish Infant Boy Girl Unisex First Walker Shoes Toddler Walking Crib Shoes Lightweight Non-Slip Sneakers For 6 9 12 18 24 Months Baby Shoes New With Tags New In Box Excellent Condition Never Worn

dogpuppy

nineteenyearoldmeblog

im fucking crying

grassfur

it glue

feefal

Gold, Silver, and Bronze!🥇🥈🥉

Now as sisters and with a complex sibling dynamic.

feefal

did you know 24k gold is so soft you can scratch it with a fingernail? Because bronze knows

demilypyro

it's funny how "press F to pay respects" was such a gigantic meme that it seems to have permanently affected the way we talk online. people use it completely genuinely and unironically. had a bad day? F. died in a videogame? F. I see it constantly in Discord, Twitch and ingame chats. like it's actually being used as common shorthand. when it only gained prominence because of how hilariously stupid this screenshot is

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

monkeyislandtwo

fonts will be named shit like viscera antique, 16 bit dreams, doctor's orders, bingo condensed, googly, wish you were here

equos-bipes

for your consideration

cottoncandylesbo

You’re a real great person and enjoyable to watch onstream. Except for the one tinted rock that had two soul hearts that you missed two years ago that would’ve gotten you to blue baby and a bob transformation, nothing is held eternally against you

kaibuswordsmith

deadandwalking

hey kitten. daddy needs to talk to you. your kink blog is great, but you are not highlighting the words correctly. kitten. stop highlighting. this is shit. did you seriously highlight that period. kitten.

3000s

classic example of a pig egg

77bears

czech-hunter-reject

What's cheaper than a cock? A onion.

a-bear-ham

An* 😌

spines-tvo

What's cheaper than An 😌cock? A onion.

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

aromanticduck

Free service with ads: Well, if I'm not paying for it they have to foot the bill somehow.

Paid service with no ads: Well, if they're not funding it with ad revenue, they need to charge us something.

Paid service with ads: Well that's bullshit.

"We used to be a paid service without ads, but now we're putting ads in it! If you want the ad-free version you have to pay more for preeeeemium": Fuck you fuck you fuck you

juststarsandthemoon

Free service with no ads: Okay so these guys are stealing my data

smute

i think the most upsetting thing about american-flavor puritanism is how fucking patronizing it is. it's 2026 but the whole world still has to deal with a cultural hegemony grown from the gnarled vestiges of victorian-era paternalism. tax-paying adults with passports and the right to vote are treated like wayward children because of the antiquated idea that authorities must protect the weak minds of the unwashed masses from depravity and corruption. the average american can send a fellow citizen to the chair, but they can't piss in a ditch without being declared an outlaw. american entertainment media is saturated with sex, but you can't talk about it online without getting your account suspended. it's such blatant censorship at a universal scale, but because sexual content is framed as inherently dangerous, this restriction on basic adult autonomy, this blanket denial of moral and intellectual adulthood, can be reframed as protection, an expression of care, a moral duty. "won't someone think of the children!" I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN!

smute

thank god that the video game that features slow motion animations of graphic gunshot wounds and is rated 18+ has a profanity filter in single player offline mode. thank you for protecting this 33 year old mind from the corrupting influence that is a horse named apple slut

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