nothing to c here

Cause like

I dont know about anyone else

But I am perpetually hovering three inches above the strong subconscious belief that everyone knows what they're doing at all times except me, so if you change your normal patterns and I notice, then I will assume it is an intentional choice with a thought-out plan behind it and I will avoid interfering

"I feel like I'm the only one who does this chore. Can we start taking turns?"

"I'd like you to ask me how I'm doing more often."

"It bothers me when this area stays messy so long. Can you do X when Y happens?"

"I feel like the onus is on me to initiate X, and it's wearing me down. Could you try making the first move more? Like 3-4 times a week?"

"I'm feeling upset right now and I'd like to spend some time with you."

"When X happens, I feel like you're taking my work for granted."

"I'm feeling neglected. Could you do X?"

"I'm burnt out and need help."

"I feel like I'm the only one putting effort into X."

"Do you notice this?"

"Are you bothered by this?"

"I am bothered when this happens."

"X habit of yours bothers me."

See: https://youtube.com/shorts/LvsB6NRBkfI

And https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

And

So the flipside to this post is, yes, we should all - especially as a first resort!! Geez - use our words to express our frustration.

But also: try to be self-aware of your flaws, of the difference in tolerance limits between you and your partner, and if you tend to not notice things and you know this about yourself, use your words too and ask if there's anything you can be doing. Ask if the relationship is as balanced as it should be. Ask if your partner is happy with the current distribution of labour. Relationships require maintenance, they require both people to be self-aware, to be willing to expend emotional labour, to be willing to broach possibly uncomfortable topics. If your entire strategy is "until they bring stuff up with me, I'm just always going to assume there's no need for a discussion and it's not my responsibility to occasionally check in with their wellbeing or the wellbeing of this relationship", that's just not good enough and you are part of the problem. I'm not saying you deserve to be subjected to mind games, but you are part of the problem and you need to take some accountability for that and do better.