toby fox is literally slaving away in the tumblr sexyman mines and none of you are thanking him for it. hes pumping them out like the imaginary boyfriend machine from inside out stop being ungrateful
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Imagine after four whole years with Caleb, not once had he ever made you questin whether he loved you. Maybe that was what made this hurt so much. Because the cruelest part wasn't the possibility that Caleb stopped loving you. No. You knew him too well for that. Even now, even later, even after everything that would happened tonight, you knew Caleb loved you.
Imagine you knew it with terrifying certainty, you knew it in the way he always reached for you first in crowded rooms. In the way he memorized your routine better than you did. In the way exhaustion never stopped him from driving hours just to spend a night beside you. In the way he still kissed your forehead absentmindedly while half asleep.
Imagine Caleb loved you. Which was exactly why your chest hurt so badly these past few days. Because something was wrong and you could feel it. It was not obvious enough for accusations. Not dramatic enough to start fights. It just felt wrong. Tiny things, small pauses in conversations, moment where Caleb looked distracted before immediately covering up. How he checked his phone more often lately, and sometimes went quiet in the middle of your conversations like he was thinking too hard about something.
and Imagine every single time you noticed it, he would pull you closer afterwards, kiss your temple, then ask about your day. He looks at you with so much warmth it made you feel guilty for doubting him at all. Which only made your anxiety worse. Because if Caleb had been cold, distant, cruel... This would have been easier, but he wasn't. He was still loving you exactly the same. Still calling you endearing nicknames in that soft voice that always melted you. Still showing up at your apartment carrying your favorite food after long shifts. Still sleeping with one arm wrapped tightly around your waist like he physically couldn't rest properly otherwise. Still loving you.
so Imagine, why does your chest feel so heavy? You hated yourself for overthinking. Hated the way old conversation started resurfacing in yout mind again. Military wives whispering warning during gatherings years ago. "Distance change people." "Sometimes they stop telling you things first." "Men stationed far away get lonely." You used to brush off those comments confidently because Caleb wasn't like that. Your Caleb wasn't careless with hearts.
Imagine he loved too deeply for that. Still, the anxiety stayed. Quiet and persistent like your instincts were trying to warn you about something your heart didn't want to see. For an entire week, sleep became difficult, finding yourself rereading old text at night like reassurance, listening to his voice messages repeatedly, trying to convince yourself everything was fine. And maybe, maybe if you had just stayed home that evening, maybe things would have been fine, maybe ignorance really woud have been kinder. Because a part of you would spent the rest of the night wishing desperately that you had never gone there at all.
Imagine the way you just wanted to surprise him. That was all. Caleb had been stuck near base almost nonstop lately because of his transfer to the new unit and you missed him terribly. So after work, you bought dinner and drove toward his apartment near the base with the spare key he once pressed into your hand months ago.
"For emergencies." He told you back then and you laughed. "What counts as emegency?" "You missing me." God, you almost broke down just remembering it.
Imagine the drive there felt normal. You even smiled stupidly at red lights thinking about how surprised Caleb would look seeing you unexpectedly. Maybe he would pull you into one of those crushing hugs you secretly loved. Maybe he would complain dramatically about how exhuasted he was until you played with his hair. Maybe the anxiety would finally disappear once you saw him again. You wanted that desperately, wanted assurance. You wanted your Caleb back.
Imagine the hallway outside his apartment was quiet when you arrived. You balanced the food carefully in one arm while unlocking the door. And then your entire world titled sideways. Because there, right there was a woman sitting inside his kitchen. Wearing Caleb's shirt. For one horrible second, your brain genuinely failed to process what you were seeing. She looked comfortable there. Too comfortable sitting casually at his dining table with coffee in hand like she belonged in that apartment. Like she belonged in his space. In your space. The oversized shirt hanging off her shoulder was unmistakably his too. You knew it immediately becasue you bought that shirt for him last winder after he complained about the old one fading.
Imagine the way your stomach dropped so violently it hurt. The woman looked up at the sound of the door opening. Then blinked in surprise seeing you. And somehow, seeing her expression looked more curious than guilty like she genuinely didn't know who you were. That made your throat tightened painfully. No. No no no no. This didn't make sense. Because Caleb loved you. He loved you. You knew he did. So why? That was when you noticed the marks near her neck. Your vision blurrred instantly. Love bites, fresh enough to still look angry against her skin. Your breathing became uneven immediately. The room suddenlt felt too small. Too hot. Too loud despite the silence.
Imagine the way the woman slowly lowered her coffee cup while studying you carefully. "Caleb didn't tell me a friend was visiting." Friend? You open your mouth. Nothing came out. Because your thoughts were crashing too violently against each other. Who is she? Why is she here? Why is she wearing his clothes? Why does she look so comfortable? Why are there marks on her neck? Why... Why? Why?! You wanted Caleb to walk out right now and laugh. Tell you this was ridiculous. Tell you there was explanation. Because there had to be. Then the bathroom door opened.
and Imagine there he was, fresh from the shower, hair damp, towel around his neck, relaxed, domestic, comfortable. The exact imagine of a man at home with someone. Then his eyes landed on you and you watched everything change instantly. Shock, real shock. Then immediate panic, not guilt, not exactly. Panic. You knew Caleb well enough to recognize it immediately. His eyes widened sharply as if his brain was calculating too many things at once. You saw him realize what this looked like and saw the fear hit him in real time.
"Baby-" something inside you snapped. Because innocent people explained immediately. Innocent people didn't look terrified like that. So you turned and ran before he could say another word. "Baby!" You ignore him. Your chest hurt so badly it felt difficult to breathe. The hallway blurred around you as tears burned instantly behind your eyes. You heard the apartment door slam open violently behind you. Then footsteps, fast, panic filled. "Baby wait!" Your thoughts spiraled uncontrollably. All those insecurities you thought you outgrew suddenly came flooding back at once.
Imagine he's handsome, successful, and surrounded by people constantly. Maybe eventually someone better caught his attention. Maybe distance really did change things. Maybe those women years ago were right. But no... Because even now, even while running away crying like your heart was being ripped open. You still couldn't fully believe Caleb cheated on you. That was the worst part. You didn't think he stopped loving you. You thought he was hidding something. Something big enough to hurt you anyway. And somehow that pain felt deeper. Because if Caleb cheated, at least the betrayal would make sense. But this?
Imagine this felt like watching the person you trusted most slowly drown while refusing to let you help him. Then a hand suddenly grab your wrist. You spun instantly and slapped him hard on the face. The sound cracked violently through the parking lot. Your nails scratching his cheek deeply enough to leave blood behind. Your own palm burned afterwards. And Caleb barely reacted. He didn't even defend himself, he just held your wrist carefully, breathing hard like he had run after you without thinking. Purple eyes frantic, devastated.
"Listen to me." He said immediately, voice rough. "That's not what it looked like." Your laugh came our broken. "Then what is it?" Silence. Not long, but long enough to destroy you. Because you watched Caleb struggle, actually struggle. Like the truth physically sat there inside him clawing to come out. "What is it, Caleb?" His jaw tightened painfully. "Tell me." Nothing. Tears finally spilled fully down your face. "Tell me!" Your voice cracked violently. "Because right now it looks like you've been lying to my face for weeks while hiding another woman in your apartment!"
"It's not like that." "Then explain it!" His expression twisted. God, he looked horrible. Not defensive, not angry. He was horrified. Like every second of this conversation was killing him too. "I can't." Your entire body went still. Not I won't but I can't. And somehow, that hurt worse. Because you believe him. You believe he physically could not tell you. And that realization shattered something inside your chest completely. You stared at him through tears. "Do you understant how much that hurts?" Caleb's face crumpled slightly. "Bab-" "You're hurting me." Your voice came out smaller now. Broken. "And you know you're hurting me."
Imagine that made his grip on your wrist loosened slightly. Like the words physically wounded him. You cna see it all over his face. That was the cruelest part. You knew Caleb loved you, even now. Even standing here bleeding from the cheek after you slapped him. Even now while watching your heart break apart in front of him. Because of him. He still loved you. You could see it so clearly. Which only made this unbearable. Because if he loved you this much. Then whatever secret he was protecting had to matter more than your relationship right now. And that thought destroyed you.
"Just tell me the truth." You whispered desperately. "Please." Caleb looked wrecked. Actually wrecked. Like he wanted to say it so badly. But instead he just whispered again. "I can't."
Imagine the way something inside you gave up. Not angrily, not dramatically. Just... Collapsed. "I see." You tried pulling your wrist away but he still held on weakly, desperately. Like if he let go now, he would loose you forever. And maybe he would. Your hans trembled violently as you reached for your engagement ring. The second Caleb realized what you're doing, real fear crossed his face. "No." You pulled the ring off slowly. The skin beneath suddenly felt enbearably empty. "No- baby, please-" "What am I supposed to do?!" You asked shakily. "Stand there pretending I didn't see another woman wearing your clothes?" His breathing became uneven.
"This isn't what you think." "Then what is it?" Silence again. And God, that silence hurt more than screaming would have. Because you knew Caleb was choosing this silence for a reason. Which meant he believed he had no choice. And maybe that was what truly broke your heart. Not betrayal. Not cheating. But that there was a wall between you neither of you knew how to cross. You shoved the ring weakly against his chest.
"Get out of my way." He looked destroyed, but eventually stepped aside. You got into your carnumbly. Your shared car. Everything suddenlt felt shared, painfully. Outside, you watched Caleb paced near the vehicle helplessly, back and forth. Hands shaking slightly. The cut on his cheeks still bleeding. He looked like he wanted to drag you into his arms and never let go. But he didn't, maybe because he no longer had the right.
Imagine you looked at him through blurry vision and somehow, even now, you still loved him so much it physically hurt. Which made everything even worse. Because a part of you desperately wanted to rewind tonight entirely. Wanted to unknown what you saw. Wanted to go back to his morning before anxiety pushed you here. Because if you never visited, maybe you and Caleb would still be happy right now. Maybe tonight would have ended with him holding you in bed enstead of watching you leave him behind. Maybe ignorance would have sabved you both. That thought haunted you the entire drive home.
and Imagine, later that night, as you curled motionless in your shared bed, staring blankly into the darkness while his scent still clung to the pillows, you phone buzzed.
Apple: I love you.
Apple: Please trust me.
Imagine the way you chest caved inward. Because the thing is you did trust him. Trusted that he loved you. Trusted that whatever happened tonight wasn't a simple betrayal. Trusted him enough to know he was suffering too. And somehow that made this infinitely more painful. Because you knew love wasn't enough to fix this. Not tonight. Maybe not ever. Tears blurred your vision completely. Hands shaking violently, you blocked his number. Then buried your face into the pillow and cried until breathing hurt.
[âdark-night-hero] 2026°
: advance happy birth day my loveeee! This is one of my bday gift for you :)
: hearing Hawks talk give me flashback of both my exes and lovers lmao all i can hear is, and i need you now tonight edit on tiktok. Ps. Sorry for the typos :( i think i cant spell XD
EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT CALEBâS IN HIS FEELINGS AND HE CANâT GET OUT OF ITâŚ
Sypnosis: Caleb x non!mc â you find out he only used you in this marriage of three, and only had a child with you to prove to the world that he, Caleb Xia, had moved on. 7k words. Warnings: HURT NO COMFORT no seriously, x reader is a stretch. mentions of pregnancy, birth and cheating. selfish caleb. i like exploring his ego. A/N: Sorry for the wait. I smoked 7 cigs in the process of writing this (working through my 8th now as I do the formatting). this stemmed from a little ask that was just too angsty to write a simple blurb on. highly suggest listening to mitski while reading this/earrings by malcolm todd (of which the title originates from) for the maximum angst experience.
There were three of you in this marriage, so naturally, it was a bit crowded.
Part of you felt unbelievably happy to be at the altar with Caleb Xia, yet another part of you couldnât ignore the nudging feeling that something was very wrong with your husband-to-be.Â
To the spectators of the wedding, Caleb seemed perfectly composed. Not that most of them would know him any better than you did of the man you were about to dedicate the rest of your life to. The audience of the simple wedding at the courthouse consisted of your family and friends, and for CalebâŚwell, the only three people who he invited were Gideon andâŚ
And her. MC. Of course.Â
Youâve always had an idea of who she was. It was hard not to acknowledge the woman your husband was obsessed with, is still obsessed with. You knew how much MC weighed on Calebâs heart, and you could only guess how much that weight doubled when MC, instead of marrying him, married some cardiologist friend of hers. And you could piece together that you were nothing more than a trophy of proof for Caleb to show that he had moved on.Â
Yet, you still naively believed that, just like any good fairy tale, Caleb would eventually fall in love with you.
But one look into his empty, loveless eyes, as he signed your marriage certificate, told you otherwise.  The chaste, brief kiss you exchanged felt like more of an obligation to show to the wedding guests rather than a genuine embrace of a husband and wife.Â
But then again, you didnât think you expected much more.Â
In fact, Caleb looked happier when after the ceremony, MC bounded up with him with a grin, patting his hair and congratulating him for getting married and finally, finally moving on. To which he blushed and replied to her with something inaudible to you.
So from the very beginning, thereâs always been three there has always been three in the spaces you occupied with your husband, three at the altar (you wondered if Caleb had imagined it was MC standing in your place on your wedding day), three in the bed (you could even imagine MC lying in empty space inbetween you and Caleb as you slept, and three at the table (at first before Caleb had learnt more about you, the dishes he served were all reminecent of MCâs favourites). You knew MC haunted, haunts, your marriage. But like any good wife, you looked the other way and hoped for the best.Â
Although it was not that you expected for Caleb to start acting like your husband right off the bat (you told yourself he needed time to heal). Not that you expected him to treat you like MC. Not that you never stopped praying that the underdog (you) of the story may prevail eventually. Yet the silence in his cold, gray penthouse, the lack of physical touch between the two of you, the meals consumed in harrowing conversation (youâd have to give it to him for always trying to ask you how your day was everyday), the nights spent so far away from each other, was slowly convincing you that this marriage was nothing but one of convenience. All you did was try your best to keep holding onto the hope that maybe things would change with Caleb for the better.Â
About two years into the marriage, Caleb surprised you by asking if you could have a child together.Â
You were shocked he was the one to ask.Â
Your remembered first attempt at intimacy had gone miserably. You could freshly recall on your wedding night when Caleb had loomed over you in the darkness of the bedroom, his chest heaving - though he hadnât moved to do anything, anything at all - with spots of tears forming in the crease of his eye. After ten minutes of silence, he rolled off you.
âIâ Iâm sorryâŚI- I canât.â
You had told him it was okay. And you never mentioned it again, so you were coloured surprised when Caleb meekly asked you, as if he thought you might get upset, to try for a baby.Â
Fortunately for him, it only took about three times before you presented him with a positive pregnancy test. Fortunately for you as well, since each attempt was very awkward, terrifyingly so. You had no idea where you should have out your hands, your legs, if he even wanted your hands on himâ and neither did Caleb know what to do with his touch. Youâd think he didnât want a baby by how hesitant he was acting. However, eventually when you did hand him that test with two pink lines, Calebâs face practically glowed. You had never seen your husband, in all these years of marriage, look soâŚhappy, so much more like his actual age than the cold, gloomy colonel you were married to. For the first time, you saw the sunny Caleb that you only got to know through photos stuck in dusty albums in the corners of your home. He hugged you, kissed you, and laughed in relief.Â
Relief?Â
Honestly, you were somewhat relieved too. Usually, Caleb would be away for prolonged periods of time, always muttering about something to to with the fleet, a mission, training, before departing for sometimes weeks at a time, but ever since you got pregnant, Caleb cut back on prolonged duties and stayed by your side if he could. There was one thing you could never complain about him, was that when it really came down to it, Caleb was not a bad husband by the books. He constantly cooks, cleans, cares and caters for you, and even more so now, heâll drop whatever is on hand at momentâs notice to come running to you if you said you felt the slightest bit of discomfort. Plus, with all the baby essentials Caleb had purchased, they had really livened up the house much more. You watch as he assembles them without the need to look at the instructions whilst sitting on the floor of the living room. As he fusses about with you taking the right supplements, about getting enough sleepâŚitâs cute. Itâs the closest feeling youâve ever experienced to having a real husband,  despite being married for well over two years now.Â
On a muggy afternoon, you inched out of Calebâs grasp (he has now found it in himself to sleep closer to you with one hand usually over your stomach if you allow it) and wobbled your way to the walk in closet for some airier clothes. As you sifted through the racks, you accidentally knocked out a few photos from Calebâs colonel service coat, which fluttered down to the bottom of the closet. Crouching down (whilst you still could), you inspected the photos.Â
Oh.
It was a laminated photo of your babyâs ultrasound. Not just that, but on the edges of the photo, written neatly in his handwriting in pen, were the words: [name]âs ultrasound appointment on xx/xx/xxxx.Â
Adorable, you thought, that Caleb carried this around with him. You privately wondered if he would proudly show it off to his co-workers or his underlings. You hoped he might, maybe even boast a little about how lucky he and his wife was. You couldnât help but smile to yourself, wondering if this marriage was finally taking a step into the right direction.Â
But right next to that photo was that necklace. When U Come Back. You knew very well the story behind that necklace, how MC had given it to him before he left for the aerospace academy. How he used to wear it, 24/7, but had at least the decency to stop wearing it at all times and only keep it on him, after he married you. Yes, at least he had the decency to now never take off your wedding bands. Your eyes glazed over the necklace again. Bitterly, you wondered if heâd ever want to carry a photo of him and you someday.Â
Nevermind. You dried your eyes quickly. At least in this marriage, both he and you, are getting something that you both wanted, something that you will both cherish more than anything.Â
A bouncing baby girl.
He wanted your baby. He needed your baby. He wanted to be a father, because he wanted to be a father, a nurturing, loving figure, right? And not for any other reason? Right?
Right.
Two weeks later, whilst tidying up the kitchen, your hand bumped against a bright yellow lunchbox patterned with little apple stickers, long forgotten beneath a pile of documents and papers. Fondly, you picked it up.Â
In the very earliest days of your marriage, you had done the domestic, wifely thing of making your husband a lunchbox before he departed for work every morning. And he had returned an empty box everytime, down to the last grain of rice being picked clean. You still remember the fuzzy feeling of seeing Caleb smile at you, thanking you for such a delicious meal, how his subordinates had all fawned over the presentation, how delicious it was, how lucky the colonel was to have such a lovely wifeâŚ
So why not do it again? You thought merrily, after all, you havenât made him a packed lunch in a while. Maybe showing up at his work with a delicious lunchbox might perk him up. Excitedly, you got into your car and made your way down into central Skyhaven.Â
Entering the fleet HQ, you were immediately guided to your husbandâs office.Â
You were about to turn the handle and step in - usually there werenât much visitors in his office in the middle of the day - but a chorus of loud voices stopped you.Â
âAnd to Caleb! The newest dad-to-be!â
âThe first of all of us to be a father, actually.â
You heard a round of clinking cups. It must be Caleb, inviting his flight school friends to celebrate the impending birth of your child. At his office thoughâŚstrange. But it must be because heâs been so busy, he hardly had any time to go anywhere except his workplace and his home.
âWoahâŚno, no more.â You recognised that as Calebâs voice. You could imagine his hand gliding over to cover the surface of his glass.
Drinking? In the middle of the day? Seriously? You snorted, hand going down on the handle again, But at least itâs to a good cause. Caleb being a new dad and all.
âBut seriously. Hereâs also to your marriage not being a total disaster!âÂ
Your stopped before you could push against the door.
âItâs not. A total disaster.â Caleb said, his voice a bit slurred though not completely drunk.
âYeah, yeahâŚwe all know you had the hots for MC, but she ended up marrying that sexy doctor instead of the big bad colonel, didnât she, oofâ!âÂ
A thud. Caleb had probably slammed whoever said that against the wall. A series of âooohsâ followed.
âKidding, kiddingâŚâ
âYou better be.â Caleb dusted his hands off, sinking back into his seat. âIâve long moved on from MC. I even have proof.â
âOh yeah? Donât tell me itâsââ
He pulled out the ultrasound picture that he kept in his uniform pocket, showing it to everyone in the room.
âI had a child with my wife. Canât you see how much Iâve moved on already? I can have a child with someone whoâs not MC. See?â
Tears stung your vision.Â
So thats what he was using that picture for.Â
Not for a happy memoryâs keepsake, no. But to show the world that he, Colonel Caleb Xia, the yearner, the lover, the oh-so-perfect manâŚhas moved on from his sweet MC.
âŚ
You quickly threw the lunchbox you made away, and fled the building. You needed to get away from him, in that moment. You didnât want to linger on in this kind of feeling anymore.
âŚ
Time passes a lot quicker, you found, when it wasnât just you in the house all day. With Caleb by your side (more or less constantly in the final few months of your pregnancy) the days had quickly passed. And before you knew it, there was a living, breathing infant in your arms.Â
The birth was easy, and again, you were grateful for Calebâs support (he never left your side in those six hours, plus youâve heard far too many horror stories of baby daddies bringing their Xbox, or not showing up at allâŚ) though admittedly you swore at him multiple times and eventually snapped at him to wait outside. However, part of you feared he might react to an actual baby, his and your baby, with regret and hesitation. You couldnât shake the fear that Caleb might feel prejudiced against a baby you made with him instead of one borne from him and MC. But those fears quickly evaporated when you saw Caleb crying, sniffling, holding the little pink bundle in his arms.
Both Caleb and you were overjoyed, though also albeit scared, naturally like most first-time parents. He was seriously dedicated at every step. Again, youâd have to give it to him for being a good dad.Â
After returning from the hospital, he never allowed you to get up in the middle of the night to soothe the baby. He never complained about doing the messy work that came with babies, often willingly taking care of all her wants every day as if trying to prove a point. He now even tries to come home earlier and go on less long-distance fleet missions to spend more time with the baby, something heâs never done for you in the time you were married. You watched as he poured his whole heart into being a good dad for a tiny little girl. A perfect masculine figure. Ever so sensitive to what she needed.
But what about what you needed?
Sometimes when you come home after a day out with your friends or a solo trip somewhere, the moment you open the door to your home, you feel as if your entire world is behind that doorway. That despite all the freedoms Caleb has given you in this marriage (the financial freedom, âyou can go anywhere you wantâ , you can do whatever you wish), your world had drastically shrank to the man sitting in the grey parlour, who wasnât even facing you.
On other days, he wasnât even there.Â
Gone to MCâs. Emergency.
âŚ.you werenât exponentially surprised by the reason. Caleb frequently rushed to MCâs house to deal with her emergencies. At this point, you simply shrugged it off and continued on as you usually would. Only that when you went to the nursery to check on your daughterâŚ
The crib was empty.Â
Your heart dropped. You had frantically dialled his number. No response. You racked your head for thousands of possibilities. Did someone take her? Did he mention he was taking her anywhere? Did heâŚdid he take your child? Taking off with MC to a place where youâd never find him again? Did Caleb pack up and leave altogether? With your baby?
You told yourself it couldnât be true. That heâd never do something like that. He wouldnât. That Caleb is a good, kind man. But to what distances he would go for MC, you had no idea. All you knew was that youâd like it to be you instead of her.Â
Ten minutes later, you were banging the front door of MCâs house.Â
Surprisingly, it was her husband, Zayne, who answered.Â
â[name]? What are you doing here?â Zayne asked, surprised.Â
He didnât even get to answer before you shoved past him, calling Calebâs name.Â
âCaleb, Caleb?!â Your mind flashed with possibilities of where he could be. Maybe he was already gone. Maybe he took MC and drove up to the airport already. But surely not, his car was parked outside, and, andâŚ
There he was. In MCâs backyard, sleeves rolled up, that stupid grin on his face as heâŚtacked a nail into a piece of plywood, MC hovering over him with a tray of lemonade. You stopped in your steps where the stone of the house met grass, calming down, as you watched your husband beam up at MC, sweat glistening down his muscular arms, droplets forming on his healthy skin, a damp V soaking the top of his t-shirt. Time seemed to slow as Caleb reached up, took a sparkling glass, smiling at MC gratefully, a smile so bright youâve never seen in all those times you ever offered him something.Â
âCaleb!â You snapped, finally loud enough that he whipped his head around, MC too. âCaleb! Whereâs our daughterââ
Before you could even hear his reply, a beaming MC gasped in delight and smothered you in a hug.Â
â[name]! Youâre here too! Thatâs perfect, you should stay and have dinner! Ooh, Iâll tell Zayne to set an extra space at the table.â She spun around, shouting into the open patio doors. âZAAAAAYNIIIIEEEEE?âÂ
She talked at such a fast pace, you barely even got to get a word in on how you didnât really want to stay for dinner, how you just wanted to demand where your daughter is and go home. In that moment, you didnât even really care if your husband went home with you. But just as you opened your mouthâŚ
âAw, pips, thereâs no need, Iâm almost done with building this part already.âÂ
MC pouted, that little, pathetic, faux-childish pout she always made at her dear gege.Â
âCâmon, Caleb, staying for dinner is the least you could do for me, after rushing over on such short notice to build Zacharyâs treehouse.â She said, referring to hers and Zayneâs son. She turned to you and smiled, dropping her voice to a whisper, âZayne is so useless when it comes to things like this, and my gege is the best!âÂ
She turned back to Caleb. âAnd bringing your adorable little daughter too! Iâve been dying to meet her. You know Iâve asked you so many times already.â
You paused. âWait a minute. YouâŚasked Caleb toâŚto bringâŚâ
âYes!â MC replied, âI know sheâs only a few months old, but all Iâve been asking Caleb is to let me meet my adorable niece!âÂ
It was almost laughable. The âemergencyâ that required Calebâs immediate attention was the construction of  a treehouse for MCâs son.  You couldnât help but wonder how many other of these such trips to her house that Caleb took were also something else, something less significant but labelled as an âemergencyâ.Â
You turned to Caleb, absolutely pissed.Â
âYou. You took my daughter just like that? You took her without asking me?âÂ
âI told you I was going to MCâsââ
âYou didnât tell me you were taking her!âÂ
âI thought you would have assumedââ
Right. Like you should assume, like every other little bit of your marriage, you should have assumed that Calebâs judgement was right. That your husband is doing his best for you. For this marriage. That you should assume every step he did, he was thinking of you first, and not MC. You should always assume. Youâd be happier off that way.Â
But obviously, you were much more headstrong than Caleb let on. You were no longer the nervous blushing bride that had once optimistically stood by his side.Â
âYou have no right to take her and tell me, her mother, to just assume anything about the safety of her own child.â You replied, in a tone that surprised Caleb so much, that he wasnât sure how to reply.
MC, caught in the middle, immediately pushed in to diffuse the tension.
âAw, donât be like that, my sister-in-law.â She smiled, holding onto your arm. âDonât blame Caleb, itâs my fault. I asked him to bring the baby.âÂ
âNo, no.â Caleb cut in, standing up and putting a hand onto MCâs shoulder. âDonât blame yourself.âÂ
He turned to you, frowning. â[name], I think weâve just blown this way out of proportion. No oneâs been hurt and youâre acting if Iâve kidnapped someone!â
âYou know thatâs not what Iââ
âCome on.â Caleb gently took your hand, herding you towards the house. âOur daughterâs fine. Sheâs asleep upstairs.â
He led you past the living room, past the kitchen where a frazzled Zayne stood, wordlessly watching as Caleb led you up the staircase and into the nursery, familiar with the layout as if it was his own house, to where your daughter was sleeping peacefully in their sonâs old crib.Â
âSee?â Caleb sighed, âNothingâs wrong. You got all worked up over nothing.âÂ
You wanted to yell and him and tell him that this wasnât nothing. That somehow ânothingâ always seemed to be associated with his behaviour with MC, and that none of what happened concerning MC in your marriage could just be swept under the rug like that. Maybe thatâs how he preferred it, you thought bitterly.
âI want to go home.â Was your only reply.
Calebâs shoulders slackened. âCâmon, letâs just stay for dinnerâŚâ
âI want. To go. Home.â
Your husband seemed to give up this case, and sighed. âAlright.â He replied, âLet me get my jacket.â
Suddenly, both of your heads turned, as you heard MC rap her hand against the nursery doorframe.Â
âCalebâŚcan I just speak with you for a second before you goâŚ?â
You wanted to question if she had been lurking outside, listening, but Caleb cut in front of you.Â
âOf course.â He replied.
He took MC by her shoulderâWeâll just be a minute.â He called to you.
âYou donât mind, do you?â MC asked graciously.Â
âSure.â You replied evenly. âIâll just be in here. Come get me when youâre done, okay? Iâll dress our daughter to leave.â
You saw Caleb nod, before escorting MC down the stairs. You made sure they both saw you close the nursery door.
You mad good on your promise to stay in the nursery and dress your fussy little daughter (who was looking more like Caleb by the day). Five minutes later, gently creaking open the nursery door, you snuck outside, thinking theyâd finished their conversation already.  But you realised they hadnât gone far. As you stood on the stairs with your back against the side of the wall, you could clearly hear Caleb and MC talking in the living room behind the staircase.Â
Their words made your heart beat out of your chest.
âIs your wife always soâŚuptight?â You heard MC mumble, her voice suddenly sultrier than before.
âNo, sheâs justâŚâ You heard Caleb began.
Iâm just what, Caleb?
ââŚsheâs just emotional, thatâs all.â
You heard MC snort. âEmotional? Hardly. I seem to remember that at your wedding, she was ever so meek and crittery, so nervous, so deferent, so grateful to marry the big strong colonelâŚâ She sighed, âAnd I thought that, yâknow, hey! She might do a lot of good for you. Sheâs like a squeaky mouse, just like another version of me, how I was your âpipsqueakââŚâ Her voice suddenly dropped to a whine.Â
âI thought maybe you found a better replacement.â
You heard sounds that indicated that Caleb stepped forwards to hug her.Â
âMCâŚnothing and nobody could ever replace you.â Caleb said gently.
They were silent for a long time. Wetness had began to gloss your eyes.
âWellâŚon that happy noteâŚâ MC mumbled, âI have some news for you.â
âHm? What is it?âÂ
âIâmâŚâ She giggled, âIâm expecting.â
âYouâre what?!â You heard Caleb exclaim.
âShhhh! I said Iâm expecting. Iâm going to have another baby.â MC replied hushedly.Â
âOh wowâŚcongratulations!â Caleb laughed. âGuess Iâm ready to be uncle to another mini-zayne, huh?âÂ
MC let out a small happy sigh. âNot quite.â
âWhat do you mean? Do you think this babyâs going to look more like you, orââÂ
âNo, noâŚâ
A pause. MC gazed up at your husband, clasping his hands.
âCalebâŚthe baby is yours.â
âŚ
You couldnât bear to hear the rest of the conversation. You sprinted back up the stairs, going back into the darkness of the nursery. You hated yourself for it, but you couldnât help but sob, sob over this marriage which youâve always held hope to, this marriage which, admittedly, up to that moment you were still clinging onto the hope that things may turn to the better, that your fate might change, that this wasnât all a mistake, that your marriage wasnât just a helpless fantasy on your partâŚ
But look at you now.
Crying on the floor of the house which belonged to the woman who your husband was obsessed with. Crying with a baby that was only born into the world to prove a point for your husband, to prove that he had moved on. Or worse, your poor baby daughter wasnât even born to prove a point anymore, she had only served to prove a lie, a lie that was quickly unravelling at the hands of the man who demanded her existence.
CalebâŚoh, Caleb.
Your tears stopped when you heard someone coming up the stairs. Immediately, you dried your eyes and stood up, trying to slow down your breaths and calm yourself down. You refused to face your husband like this. You refused to make a scene. Not now, anyway.
âReady to go?â He asked, pushing the door open.Â
You didnât turn for a second. In that moment, time seemed to stop.Â
Slowly, you turned to him, your daughter held tightly in your arms.
âSure.â You smiled, âLetâs go home.â
âŚ
Home. Such a funny word.
As you watched the glowing skyscrapers pass you in the passenger seat, you suddenly felt very calm. The air was wet from rain, and a cool summer breeze had began to sweep through the night. You thought you might feel rage, or resentment, but insteadâŚall you felt was a strange sense of sereneness. You were disappointed at Caleb, sure, but not as surprised as you thought youâd feel.
Which felt worse than being angry.Â
Youâd rather feel that rush of adrenaline, make a scene, throw something at his face and scream at him and cry and slap him, maybe, but no, no, all you felt was a churning pit of emptiness in the pits of your stomach. Your belly empty, while MCâs swelled with life. His life.
âWhat do you want to have for dinner when we get back home?â Caleb asked you, breaking the silence.
You shrugged, wondering when, or if that all, he was going to confirm for you what you had overheard.Â
âDonât be like that.â He nudged you with a half smile, âYou can pick anything. Anything at all to eat, itâs up to you.â
You didnât want to eat with him. Even the thought of sitting at the same table, across him, made you feel sick. The thought of your mouth wrapping around the utensils that once touched his mouth, his mouth that once warmed MCâs tongue. Biting into food prepared by his hands, his hands that once traveled across MCâs naked skin. A sickening scene.
You didnât want anything to do with him.Â
âIâd rather you decide.â Came your firm reply. âSince you seem to decide everything that goes on around here.â
Caleb sighed, a long heavy drag. â[name], I donât know what you want me to tell you.â He spun the wheel, pulling into the familiar street. âSo can we please just drop the attitude?â
âWhat attitude?â You asked, fluttering your lashes as often MC did when she wanted to appease her dearest gege, âI really donât mind what we eat. Why would I?â
â[name].â He said more seriously, âPlease. I donât want a scene. Our babyâs asleep in the back and Iâd really like to keep it that way.â
Right, so youâd be fine having an argument if our daughter wasnât here. Speaking of childrenâŚ
âMCâs looked glowing today, donât you think?â You mentioned, sliding out of the passengerâs seat almost the second Caleb rolled the car into the driveway.Â
He shot you a strange look as he unlatched your daughter from her baby seat in the back. âYesâŚshe did. Why do you ask?â
You shrugged innocently, unlocking the front door, âNothing, I just meant that motherhood agrees with her.âÂ
Caleb said nothing in reply. You watched as he carried your daughter inside, not a muscle in his face giving away a single hint of suspicion or anxiety. You knew what kind of man your husband was. It wouldnât be so easy to gauge out the truth from him, or any semblance of emotion he didnât want to express for that matter. But you were expecting this.
âDo you think sheâs going to have another one?â You said coquettishly, shrugging off your coat.
He couldnât help it this time. You watched from behind as his shoulder twitched, ever so slightly, for not even half a second.Â
âI wouldnât know.â Caleb replied, his tone ordinary, âI wouldnât be surprised if she did. She and Zayne are a happy couple, after all.âÂ
Your husband would have made a great actor, you thought humorlessly. You wondered if he was tearing himself apart inside.
âActually.â You raised your hand, smiling. âI donât want dinner.â
Caleb turned, cocking an eyebrow at you. âWhat? But youââ
âIâm not hungry anymore.â
âAre you sure?â
âYes.â You nodded, one foot on the stairs. âIâm going to bed early. Itâs been a long day.â
âBut itâs onlyââ
âGoodnight, Caleb.â
ââŚgoodnight.âÂ
âŚ
Weeks had passed. Youâve continued to act as if nothing had gone wrong. Caleb went to work, came back from work, cooked, played with your baby girl (who was now crawling all over the place) and went to bed. The only aspect that he feltâŚoff, about, was how pacified you acted now.Â
You didnât pepper him with questions about his day anymore.
You werenât there to ask if he was feeling alright the moment he came home.
You couldnât even bring yourself to stand closer to him.
It was as if the marriage had undergone mitosis and split itself in two, as if the straining cell it had once been has finally pulled away from the other half. All that remained was two individuals, standing inches apart in the kitchen, sitting a meter away in the living room, sleeping in beds that felt miles away from each other at night.
Your scents didnât even mingle together anymore. The air in your home felt stagnant. You were sure that if you hadnât got used to it, if you werenât you for a second and you had visited your current home for the first time, you would assume that there were no inhabitants in it at all.Â
You could imagine it now. The edge of the scissors pulling the winding umbilical cord into a taught triangular shape in the sterile air, about to snap shut, about to separate the two entities, mother snd baby, to deliver individuality and freedom to bothâŚthere just needed to be a little push. A little force. Just a little more, and you would be able to forever sever this rotting chord that ties you to this marriage .Â
Every day, Caleb would come home and wonder what changed your demeanor so much. And youâd wonder when your husband would grow the balls to tell you that MC is pregnant with his baby.
He didnât on week one. Or two. Or three. Or four. And as you can guessâŚ
He didnât speak a word when MC posted a gender reveal (week 19) online, the cutting of the triple-tiered cake revealing flamingo-pink insides. Caleb liked that post, you saw.
He also didnât mention a word when MC announced a baby shower (week 28), which you were also invited to (the gall. can you imagine the audacity?). You had acted perfectly amicable, presenting MC with a hug and a basket of gifts. Caleb had gone to congratulate Zayne. You couldnât help but chuckle at the irony.
By the time the date hit 30 weeks after you overheard their conversation, you had had enough.
If Caleb was going to be a coward about it, then you would force him to confront the truth.
âŚ
Week 34 was fast approaching. You knew a normal pregnancy would end at about 37 weeks to 40, so when Caleb, suddenly, in the middle of your morning shot up from his seat after answering a call, you were surprised.
âWhatâs wrong?â You asked.
âMC had thâher baby.â
âAlready?â You hummed. âItâs a bit early, isnât it?â
âYes.â Caleb gasped, practically sprinting to put on his jacket hanging by the bannister, âThatâs why I need to go see her. Now.â
âNo wait!â You stood up, grabbing his wrist. âIâm coming too.â
âNo.â He replied. âYou shouldnât. Someone needs to stay home with our daughter. And I wonât be long.â
âNo, no!â You chirped merrily, picking up your daughter from her high chair. âLetâs bring our baby. After all, she should get to know her new half-sister.â
You enjoyed watching the colour suddenly bleach from his face.
âWhat?â His tone was chilling, shaken, almost boyish.Â
âYou heard me.â You fished out the car keys from the little ceramic dish near the front door. âCome on.â
â[name]ââ
âI thought you were in a hurry to go.â
â[name].â Firmer, now.
âSo letâs go.â
â[NAME]!â Caleb yelled. It was the first time he had yelled at you.
âWhat is it?â You blinked back.
Calebâs eyes were bloodshot. His shoulders heaved.Â
âHow longâŚhave you known?âÂ
âI think the better question is, Caleb,â Your face, he thought, was frighteningly unreactive. âWhen were you planning on telling me?â
He threw his hands down, turning away from you. âI was going to tell you today. After the baby was born.â
âSo you can force me to face the consequences of your actions? If I like it or not? Is that why?â
âNo! Donât put words in my mouth.â He faced you again. âI was goingâŚI was going toâŚâ
âTo what?âÂ
âTo work something out.â
âAnd how was that going to end?âÂ
âIââ
âIâll tell you how that was going to end, Caleb Xia.â You stabbed your finger against his solid chest. âIt would end in me having to make sacrifices. It would end up in me in pain, over and over again, just to cope with how youâve decided to treat me! I will be the one at a loss while you, you will get what youâve always wanted. Every decision youâve made was never for me. It was always either for you or for MC! I donât believe a word that comes out of your mouth when you tell me that youâll âwork something outâ. I know youâll give me the short end of the straw. You already have, for every day weâve been married. Yet you never realise, because of course in the end whatever happens would work out for you, because it always fucking does!â
â[name].â Caleb breathed, âCalm down.â
âDonât tell me toââ
âIâll be home as quick as I can.â He said, pulling on his shoes at the door. âAnd then weâll settle this.â
You laughed.
âOh, Caleb.âÂ
You watched as he glanced at you from the corner of his eye.
âIâm sure youâll find yourself right at home.â You said with a smile.Â
âŚ
âCaleb, come quick!â MC giggled, waving her hand to usher him in. âI just sent Zaynie to go out to the cafe to buy me some lunch.â
Caleb looked over at the bassinet, where a tiny wriggly baby wrapped in white lay. His lips broke out into a smile, a little wider than when he had first met his daughter with you, before gently, very gently reaching into the blankets, prying them apart, to reveal the scrunched up face of his new daughter.
He instantly folded, a finger stroking her wrinkly cheeks.
âHey there, sweetheartâŚâ Caleb cooed, as the baby made an uncommitted sound.Â
She was tiny. Wrinkly. But to Caleb, she was one of the cutest things heâs ever seen. She was part of him, and part of MC, after all.Â
Caleb took an awed breath in, as she fluttered her eyelashes, opening her eyes to revealâŚ
Big, green eyes.
Her eyes were green.Â
A bright, mocking, hazel.
Just.
Like.
Her fatherâs.
Zayne.
âŚ
âWhat the fuck?â Caleb spun to MC, âYou saidââ
âWellâŚâ MC smiled devilishly, a telltale sign that she knew the entire time, âI assumed wrong, I guess.â
âBut you told me it was from that one night whenââ
âThereâs no way I could have conceived her with you from just one night, compared to how many times Iâve fucked Zayne around the same time.â She noticed Caleb wince in uncomfort at the mention of her activities with her husband. âYou were right. Arenât you always, gege.â Â
âButââ
âCaleb, the baby isnât yours.â MC snapped.Â
He stood by the beside, shellshocked.Â
She exhaled out of her nose, smoothing out her blankets. âThere is no âbutâ to it.â
Caleb let out an exasperated breath. âI canât believe you lied to me. You lied to be about something this important!â
âI had to!â Suddenly, her voice turned an 180 and became a pitiful, little cry.Â
âGegeâŚI was trying to help youâŚyou married [name] and seemed to be so upset all the time, so I had to think of a way to get you out of that marriage. And see, nowâŚâ She smiled, âSheâs out of the picture and will never bother you again.â
âYou donât understand!â Caleb shook his wrist out of her grasp, âI would never haveâŚhave put [name] through all this if it wasnât my child to begin with.â
âCome on, Cay, youâre just being selfish now.â MC picked at her nails, âItâs all for the best. You didnât enjoy being married to her in the first place anyway. I canât believe you went through all the trouble of having a kid with her just to prove that you were over me. Youâre so pathetic, gege.â She chuckled.
Caleb felt as if he could not move. MCâs voice seemed to become a distant echo, untilâŚ
âGege?â
He snapped back into reality. Caleb frantically began pulling on his jacket, turning his back to MC, his shallow breaths filling the room.Â
âGege, donât go.â She said softly, âItâs all for the best. Youâll still be an uncle to the baby. To our family. Weâll be together again, arenât you happy about that?â
Calebâs hand tightened on the door. He turned to look at MC, with the most hollow look in his eyes sheâd ever seen him possess. Emptier even than the time she renounced him as her gege.
âNo.â He replied curtly, pushing the door open.Â
âCaleb Xia.â MC barked. âXia Yizhou!â
For the first time, Caleb didnât look back to her.
âŚ
Caleb wasnât sure how many speed limits he broke while making his way home, but from the look of the bumper, he should be expecting a few tickets soon.
He was in a daze as he got out of the car, almost stumbling to the front door of the house, unlocking it.Â
He was ready. To apologise. To kneel before you and beg for forgiveness.Â
Anything at all.
To go back to the beginning. To make things right, as they should be between a husband and his wife.
To be a family. You, him and your precious baby, that you gave him.
He opened the door.
The house was silent.
Almost empty.
EmptyâŚ
The empty table. The empty living room. The empty bedrooms. The empty nursery. It was as if the house had reversed to its first day Caleb had moved in, where every inch was shrouded by plastic wrap and packed in cardboard. When no life had been breathed into his home.
A home without love is just a house, after all. How long had Caleb been trying to change that?
How long had he stayed, in denial, that his goal had actually been long fulfilled?
Where are the people who made his house a home?
â[name]?â Caleb called out. â[name]? Where are you?â
A prickling feeling creeped up against his spine as Caleb made his way back into the kitchen, where you had the fight just before he left. The plates had been cleared away, leaving only a sticky note taped onto the table.
You finally got your dream. I hope you can be happier with MC and your family with her. Itâs all for the best. Love, [name] :)
Caleb fell to his knees.
A choked cry echoed through the house.
What dream? What family?Â
What had he forsaken to chase after his selfish needs?